I Love Crazy

[Anna] “Can I say something crazy?”

[Hans] “I love crazy.” 

Listen: “Love is an Open Door”

In the new Disney movie Frozen, this exchange occurs between Anna and Hans at the start of the song, “Love is an Open Door.”  And I love it!

I love crazy too especially the way Hans says it in Frozen.

By the way, you probably didn’t know this but Hans was really under the Imperius Curse when he told Anna she was so gullible and acted as if he were the villain.  The real villain was the guy from Weasleton and he hypnotized Hans kinda like Jafar hypnotized Jasmin’s dad in Aladdin.  It was like Hans was brainwashed by the Sith Lord in Star Wars because there was no Obi-wan/Yoda around to cleanse his mind appropriately.  Our Obi-wan/Yoda character was on his way but the stay-puff-marshmallow-abominable snow man got a hold of him and was holding him captive in Elsa’s ice castle. 

Hans is really a good guy and the one Anna is going to marry.  Christoph is going to marry Elsa because he loves the snow and ice; subsequently he has real appreciation for her ice sculptures.  He joins with Anna in helping Elsa balance her powers of heat and ice.  His love warms her lonely heart and together they end up being fair and compassionate monarchs for Arendelle.  Anna and Hans eventually move away to build another kingdom close by.  Over the years, their borders begin to merge and lots of stories of their progenitors unfold.

Don’t you think that’s totally crazy?

But it’s a true story because, “Our mental synchro-ni-zation can have but one explanation.  You and I were just meant to be!”

Crazy cannot exist unless there is first a standard or a law to go crazy from. 

I have a daily schedule.  It's my personal law.  Every Sunday I have what I call a Commitment Meeting with my Cause when we review my general daily schedule.  We go over the past week.  It pretty much stays the same from week to week but sometimes we tweak it.  I report on the commitments I kept and the times when I kinda went crazy.  We decide which commitments don’t change at all for the next week.  I just need to keep on trying to keep them.  And then we talk about what needs to change.  Sometimes I make commitments that are so lofty that I can never actually keep them.  I write this all down so I remember.  Writing it is the first step to keeping it. 

Every morning I have a mini Commitment Meeting with my Cause.  We scan over the Sunday meeting so I remember what I said I would do.  Then we plan the day specifically.  I brainstorm all the things I have to get done and organize them into the general categories that I always have:

Then I insert my commitments into time slots.

I use this as my template to plan each day.  I know what I need to be working on and when.  It’s like I’m in college or I have a job.  Each of these commitments are another class or assignment I need to fulfill.  I take them seriously.  But sometimes I’m crazy.   Instead of exercising from 8-9am I work on the Servant Program!  That’s nuts, huh?  Sometimes I skip my shower.  Sometimes I sleep in until 5:24am.  Matthew gets ready so fast for 6am seminary and I am getting so quick at throwing his and Laura’s lunches together.  And I really get crazy on weekends, no school days, holidays, and vacations.  We do different things then but I still need to start out my day with a plan or it usually doesn't end up being productive at all.

If I didn’t have this schedule, crazy would have no meaning.  Or if I was crazy all the time, crazy itself would be my schedule and keeping a regular schedule would be the crazy thing for me to do. 

Standard Deviation

It’s all in the perspective.  Crazy is a deviation from our regular habits.  And I think it’s good to be crazy once in a while.  But if we don’t create regular habits we won’t feel how fun it is to get a little crazy here and there.

I have realized that I control the way I feel by the way I keep my commitments.  When I hold my schedule up like a race, an obstacle course, a set of goals I want to reach for the day, my blood starts pumping.  I feel challenged and energized.  And I love that feeling! When I take a crazy break I feel comforted, relaxed.  And I like that feeling too.  But for me, even the slightest degree of OVER-relaxation begins to make me feel uncomfortable.  I have to feel that challenge, that energy or I begin to feel like my life is meaningless.  Thus balancing my commitment keeping with my crazy is crucial to obtaining the daily Joy I experience.

But crazy can also get out of hand.  It’s people that blow up buildings, hijack planes, and shoot innocent people who are taking the standard deviation to an all time wider width than is good for themselves or a society.  This is when crazy isn’t so fun and no one loves it. 

Some people have a more difficult time keeping commitments, boundaries, or a personal set of rules in order to feel that sense of well being and security.  So instead they live in a heightened state of fear, vulnerability, and insecurity.

So when does the good kind of crazy cross the boundaries into the bad kind of crazy for you?

The following quote sums up why we can have the good kind of crazy days.  And why we can get back from the bad kind of crazy days:

Listen:  "Emanuel" by Amy Grant

Evaluation and Force Fields

Watch: Disney's "Incredibles" Need for Force Field

All of my children have come home from school at some time or another down in the dumps about something someone has said or done to them.  But I have also heard them at times talking to their friends about the faults and weaknesses of someone else.

Matthew, my third son, was being picked on in middle school.  The other kid was saying derogatory things to him on a daily basis.  It was affecting his self-esteem.  I told him I was going to talk to the dean about it but he protested vehemently saying that would just make it worse.  So after deliberating with my Cause, I determined to teach Matthew about boundaries.

At that time he loved Calvin and Hobbes so I used Calvin’s snow fort to communicate the concept.  When Calvin gets in a snowball fight he needs a boundary to protect him from the snowballs.  Likewise, we also need to develop boundaries in our hearts and minds when it comes to the things people say to us.  

I told him he always needs to remember that whenever Calvin offensively throws snowballs at Hobbes he exposes himself to the snowballs thrown at him.

Then I mixed in a Star Trek analogy about force fields.  We all have force fields around us.  They can be strong or they can be weak.  They weaken when we shoot (throw snowballs) at other people.  The more we do that the more holes we get in our own force field.  That's just physics.  But if we try not to retaliate against those who say mean things to us, the shield strengthens over time and their bullets bounce right off or at least don’t penetrate so deeply.

Laws of Physics

I also taught him that everyone has weaknesses.  Some people’s are overt and other people’s are covert.  And those who openly evaluate others with criticism are demonstrating one of the most serious overt weaknesses there is.  They describe more about THEMselves than they do OURselves.  The laws of physics also apply to them.

The way we evaluate directly impacts how we value ourselves which is our force field.  Even if we’re unconsciously evaluating in imbalance our force field weakens. 

Here’s how it works.  When we view another person, our selves, or a past event we see both strengths and weaknesses, successes and failures, the good and the bad, the accomplishments and the mistakes. 

When we take too much responsibility for how little responsibility we attribute to other Causes, we are skewed to one side of the balance.   

We may have the tendency to do this when we’re evaluating successful results.  We believe it was all our own doing.  But if we take all the credit when things go right, we will certainly feel an overwhelming responsibility on our shoulders when things go wrong.  Conscious or not, we will have to endure the extreme heat of our own faulty and not so faulty self-accusation.  And when other people start to attack with their own snowballs while our shields are down like this, the pain and thus our reactive response is intense.

We can also take too little responsibility for how much responsibility we attribute to other Causes.  This skews us to the other side of the balance.  We may have the tendency to do this when we’re evaluating failures, mistakes, or weaknesses.  We evaluate the result and say, “It’s not my fault.  It’s Joe Shmo’s over there.”  But if we give all the responsibility away to others when things go wrong, we will certainly be unable to take even the appropriate amount of credit when things go right.  Meaning we will have zero confidence which is a weak force field.

The key to building a strong force field through our evaluation process is repentance and forgiveness when things go wrong and sacrifice and gratitude when things go right. 

When we make mistakes and then realize it, we say we’re sorry, make restitution where possible, and commit to figuring out how we can do better from here on out.  It’s okay to make mistakes…or it should be!  When others cause us sorrow through the mistakes they make, we forgive.  

Listen:  "Losing" 10th Avenue North

I know forgiveness IS NOT EASY.  And sometimes we just have zero motivation to even try.  But here’s the motivation:  When we make a mistake ourselves, sometimes there’s nothing we can do to make amends.  No way to reconcile.  And we end up feeling such a powerful and lasting feeling of guilt for hurting someone we deeply love. 

For example, when I have discovered something about myself that I needed to change which most likely affected my kids derogatorily since they were just little ones, I can’t seem to forgive myself.  I feel such an overwhelming sorrow for my weakness and mistakes because I know it has contributed to their sorrow.  But the one thing I can do now (besides continuing to work with my Cause to change myself for the better) is to pay it forward.  Forgive those who cause me sorrow in my past, present, and future.  And I do that with the same energy of spirit that I would give if I could roll back the hands of time and undo every deep sorrow I have brought upon my kids’ heads.

When things go wrong and we evaluate with repentance and forgiveness, our force fields stay strong. 

When things go right we give gratitude to all those who were part of the team to make it happen.  No reason to take all the credit.  That level of solo-Joy doesn’t compare to what can be experienced when a group of people work together to accomplish a common goal and then end in success.  No reason to hold back our thanks, our admiration, our gratitude.  Share it, multiply it. 

And last but not least is acknowledging that we were part of that effort.  If we say we had nothing to do with the successful results that were achieved, then when we go into the next goal achievement process, we will have little motivation to do our part.  If we think it didn’t matter in the end, we will also believe our part won’t matter in the beginning or in the middle.

It’s okay to acknowledge our strengths.  That is not prideful. There is a difference between pride and confidence.  Confidence is using those strengths to sacrifice for other people and the group that we belong to as a whole so that we can all accomplish our goals.

Listen:  "Overnight" Amy Grant (feat. Sarah Chapman)

Over the years I have taught this recipe for building a strong force field to Matthew and the rest of my kids.  Their absorbing what this means and how to implement it into their daily life has not happened overnight.  But now as a sophomore in high school, Matthew’s boundaries are pretty solid.  Some things that people say to him where he is extra sensitive still hurt and he is still learning how to forgive but he has come a long way.  I seriously take joy in that boy!  In all my kids I see consistent incremental growth in force field strength. 

Watch:  "The Incredibles"  Family Force Fields

Validation

Giving someone the position to validate me is a sacred choice.  I do not want to go to everyone and their dog* to know if what I’m doing and how I’m doing it is valuable.  I want to go to my Cause. 

Listen:  "Beautiful to Him"

Rachel Thibodeau

When I was a teenager I unconsciously gave this position to the boys I liked.  If they didn’t like me or if they said something negative about me my life was over.  It hurt really bad.  When we don’t have a trustworthy Cause, we end up being vulnerable to the judgments of others who are not capable of standing in that position for us.

The general Cause I have chosen to look to for validation is God.  When I identify a desire I want to obtain, I ask him for help.  I look to him for guidance in how best to make the journey from where I am now to where I want to get to.  I can sense his validation when I’m centered up on the pathway that ends in my desired destination.  I can sense the withdrawal of that validation when I pitter out or get distracted with lesser things.  I can sense his warning when I try to get there too fast or too aggressively. 

Listen: "I Will Pilot Thee" Roger Hoffman

For example, a few years ago I wanted to write a fiction story that was good enough to be published.  When the publishers rejected my work, I finally turned straight to my Cause, told him my desire, and asked him for help.  In hindsight, I can see that his help came immediately.  I received specific directions on what to study.  And as I studied, I sensed he had “remotely logged in” to my mind.  I was instructed on a daily basis.  I saw things in a way I had never seen them before.  And I’m telling you this was the most exhilarating experience in the entire world!  Every day was a total adventure.  So much light, so much love, so much Joy!  My life has never been the same since. 

Elder Dallin H. Oaks “Good, Better, Best”

But I can numb my ability to sense my Cause’s validation if, when things get tough, I turn to alternative Causes or substances.  If I pitter out because the journey seems too hard or too long, I may choose to go to lesser Causes with lesser desires that I can reach out and grab right now.  The conflict with filling my needs this way is that it is never enough and it never lasts.  I get this sick feeling afterwards and sometimes even during.  I want to emotionally puke.  And it just ends up clogging my sensors so I can’t sense his validation.

I’ve symbolically represented my most tempting alternative Causes as chocolate cake with ganache filling in past blog posts.  It’s not the chocolate cake.  It's relying on Causes for comfort that don't have sustainability or productivity.  For example, I’ve been working on a writing project for almost 8 years.  It actually began with those exhilarating experiences I just spoke of.  It’s been a very long journey.  The Joy has increased incrementally over time in continuity and intensity.  But there are some days when I think I’ll never finish.  I temporarily lose my faith, my hope.  I get down in the dumps.  And that’s when I hear those alternative Causes that have no sustainability or productivity calling to me.

Listen:  Sinéad O'Connor:  "Nothing Compares 2 U"

Sinéad O'Connor:  "Nothing Compares 2 U"

Since I experience Joy that is so utterly and completely satisfying with my Cause even though he does require me to struggle sometimes in order to grow, it’s pretty important to me to save that position of Evaluator and Comforter for him.

I have noticed that there is second type of Evaluation I also need to consider.  If my desire is to help my kids obtain their desires I need to LISTEN to them.  I need to objectively know from them if my methods are productive.  Are the stories I tell or the examples I give helping them identify their own personal desires?  Is what I teach assisting them in the attainment of their goals and the resolution of their conflicts?  Are the gifts I give them hitting the spot?  Is the service I provide them supporting them enough?  Is the way I validate them effective? 

I have realized that I need to balance these two types of validation.  This can be difficult to achieve.  Sometimes I look to my kids for my personal validation.  This turns everything upside down.  It makes me feel very insecure.  When my head's on straight I recognize they don't have the capacity to evaluate me accurately.  Giving them this role is inappropriate.  So I work to keep my Cause in the priority position.  He can evaluate me and my kids with precision.  I understand that I need to allow my kids to show me how I can best help them within my Cause’s parameters.

For example, when my oldest son, Aaron (now 21) was in high school he had many desires that he asked us parents for.  It was difficult to know which should be given to him, which we should require him to work for, and which we should try to dissuade him from altogether.  After consulting my Cause, I instructed Aaron that both he and I needed to keep a Desires Journal.  We wrote down all of his desires.

Game Time

I taught Aaron that his part of the deal was to keep all of his commitments in our family, in school, in church, at work, in the community with as much exactness as he knew how.  He was to do these things with faith that his parents and God would also do their part in helping him obtain the things he needed that he could not acquire himself (see Kid Report).  This meant he had to write down his desires then let go of them during "game time" and focus only on his part. 

Meetings = Time Outs

Every week we met together for a "time out from the game" to discuss how it was going:  Which desires had he obtained?  Which ones were we still working on?  How did he feel he was doing in his commitment keeping?

I was able to remember his desires much better.  Some I would pray for.  Some I helped him with.  Others I felt we needed to withhold even though we could provide them for him.

I watched him to see how he responded to this whole thing.  In the beginning I saw him visibly relax, which is what I had hoped for.  It comforted him to know that there was a way to obtain what he wanted, that his parents were on his side, and so was God.  It improved his commitment keeping.  He wasn’t perfect in it but I saw the internal muscles of intrinsic motivation begin to strengthen.  It also provided a way for him to keep track of all the desires he actually was given.  And to our amazement things started to just work out.  One by one, his desires were obtained.  We both experienced an increase gratitude.  And mine was both for him and for God.

One of his desires was a car.  We were struggling financially during this time so we didn’t have much choice of whether or not to help him out.  But within a few months of starting this process, my mom and step dad (bless their hearts!) called and offered us some money to buy him an inexpensive car.  When I sat down with him to tell him about this, he was full of wonder and amazement.  I saw that he knew then that God really was aware of him and that if he—Aaron—kept his commitments, God would take care of him.

This car story goes on from here too.  It was like God had something that he wanted cemented in Aaron’s mind.  I allowed Aaron to choose what car he would purchase with the money.  We shopped Craig’s List and test drove a number of them.  He was getting so anxious to find one because he realized the market was hot for the cost of car we were looking for.  We had already lost the bidding war on a few of them.  One night he hastily chose one that ended up being a total lemon and we could do nothing about it.  Money lost.

A few weeks (months?) later his uncle Allyn (bless his heart!) called and offered him a car that he wasn’t using.  Once again Aaron marveled (and so did I) at the patience and mercy God was showing him.  And that became his car for the rest of high school and his freshman year at college until he left for his mission.

Aaron played a vital role in helping me know what I could do to help him.  But you see how this needs to be counterbalanced by my Cause's will.  I didn't have the power to provide everything that Aaron needed on my own.  And I didn't want to spoil him with too much or starve him with too little.  I needed to find that balance and knew my Cause knew it.  The validation?  I could feel my Cause's approval throughout this entire process.  And to solidify that, five years later I see that Aaron's intrinsic motivation to keep his commitments in faith has become strong!  He is a young man I very much admire.  

*Special thanks to my mom for the phrase, “Everyone and their dog."

Comparisons are Odious

Listen:  "The Olive Tree" Jenny Jordan Frogley

Sometimes as women we see another woman’s talent and think less of ourselves because we don’t have that particular talent.  And probably more rarely we recognize that we have talents other don’t have and think more of ourselves.   

These two perspectives prevent us from experiencing the joy of being friends and sisters.  And they prevent us from growing by having a friend and a sister teach us her talents.  

Those kinds of “comparisons are odious.”  I read this quote in a book when I was a teenager and I’ve never forgotten it.  Odious means offensive, hateful.  There’s just no reason to envy each other.  It’s like a rose envying a daisy or vice versa.  Both are beautiful.  Both have a purpose, individual and unique.  Yet both share a common heritage.

Listen:  "Give the Gift" Jenny Jordan Frogley

Recognizing another woman's beauty does not mean that we are less beautiful in comparison.  Quite the reverse.  If we recognize the beauty in others it testifies of our own inner beauty.   After all isn't beauty in the eye of the beholder?

When we allow another woman to share her talents with us we both bless her with the opportunity to use them and gain new talents of our own.  If we want to experience joy we need to both receive from and give to others.  When we receive we experience peace, strength, comfort, love.  When we share, give, serve, sacrifice for others we experience a flow of energy, motivation, excitement, exhilaration, empathy.  These two feelings--peace and energy--together create the experience of joy.

That’s why I am so thankful for all the women and young women in my life who have allowed me to serve them.  They have actually listened to what I have to say and have applied it to their lives!  They have actively participated in the classes I have taught.  They have let me take them a meal and fully enjoyed eating it.  They have let me clean their house and appreciated it.  They have received gifts that I have given them with gratitude.  They have let me teach them aerobic fitness and nutrition.  They have let me help them with a conflict they were struggling with and it actually did help them! (Read:  John: 14:15) 

Becca Frame Brown
Beth Nahinu
Camhi Lane

Crystal Rundback

Dixie Allred

Emelia Nahinu

Listen:  "Lean on Me" Club Nouveau

Grace Johnson

Heidi Crowley
Heidi Denney

Jill Campbell

Joni Howard

Kara Edwards

Katie Toloczko
Katie McCullough

Kristin Alldredge

Kristin Ipson

Kristine Jenkins

Laura Langford

Lindsey Newman

Lori Bartlett

Melody Savage

Nicol Price

Rene Hansen
Shelley Tyler

Silvia Quinonez

Stacy Wells

Tami Farnsworth

Thank you!

Joan of Arc

The following is a recounting of Joan of Arc's story by Elder James E. Faust:  “Your Light—A Standard to All Nations.”

 

“A few years ago I stood on the spot where Joan of Arc was burned at the stake in 1431. Young Joan of Arc, one of the great heroines in history, became the unlikely standard-bearer for the French army in the Dark Ages, long before the gospel was restored. Joan had the Light of Christ and also the courage to follow its promptings and make a difference. Joan was a peasant girl who could neither read nor write, but she was bright. Long years of war with the English had impoverished and divided her country. At 17, sensing her life had a purpose, she left home, determined to help liberate her oppressed country. Naturally, people scoffed at her ideas and thought she was a little crazy, but in the end she persuaded them to let her have a horse and an escort to go and see the king.

“Young King Charles VII of France had heard about Joan and decided to test her. He slipped into the ranks of the army and let one of his trusted associates occupy the throne. When Joan came into the room, she barely acknowledged the man on the throne, but promptly walked up to Charles and curtsied to him as her king. This so impressed the king that he gave her command over his 12,000 troops. At first the French soldiers did not want to obey her, but when they saw that all who followed her succeeded and all who disregarded her failed, they came to look upon her as their leader.

“Clad in a suit of white armor and flying her own standard, Joan of Arc liberated the besieged city of Orleans in 1429 and defeated the English in four other battles. Twice she was wounded, but each time she recovered and went on fighting. Her orders seemed to be those of a military genius. She marched into the city of Reims and stood with sword and banner in hand while Charles was crowned king. She fought in the Battle of Paris until she was captured at Compiègne by English allies, who sold her to the English for 16,000 francs. She was imprisoned, tried as a heretic, and then burned at the stake in 1431.

“Although this is a sad ending, it does not take away from Joan’s greatness. She was courageous enough to follow the personal inspiration to which all of us are entitled. As the Lord said to the Prophet Joseph Smith, “I am the true light that lighteth every man that cometh into the world.”⁴

“To other girls in the fifteenth century, Joan of Arc seemed to be very different. Sisters, don’t be afraid to be different in our century!”