tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37362448180416152672024-02-18T20:06:11.881-08:00Paradoxical Parenting(Formerly Special Ops Moms)
A fresh approach to resolving the relationship difficulties parents, who haven't had the ideal life growing up, are experiencingGretchen Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08401206417850144051noreply@blogger.comBlogger82125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3736244818041615267.post-13115094810875652832018-08-17T17:01:00.001-07:002021-03-02T20:34:05.409-08:00The Purpose of Family<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: large;">Each one of us has personal Saviors who act in behalf of our general Savior for us. It is most common that these Saviors are within our own family, ward, or community. It is a total blessing for us to have someone right before our eyes, face to face, talking and listening to us and imparting the Lord's word to us for our specific situations. When we can share our hopes, dreams, frustrations, and true feelings with another person who understands us, supports us, and guides us, this interaction makes life better and more manageable, not worse. We have a place to "<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/luke/9.58?lang=eng#p57" target="_blank">lay our head</a>." We have a personal Savior who is operating through the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ who has our best interest in mind and heart.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/ensign/1974/12/small-acts-of-service.p1?lang=eng" target="_blank">President Spencer W. Kimball</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">There is a statue of Christ </span><span style="font-size: x-large;">with missing hands </span><span style="font-size: x-large;">that was damaged in a war. The sign at its base read, "</span><i style="font-size: x-large;">You are my hands.</i><span style="font-size: x-large;">"</span></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“A story is told that during the bombing of a city in World War II, a large statue of Jesus Christ was severely damaged. When the townspeople found the statue among the rubble, they mourned because it had been a beloved symbol of their faith and of God’s presence in their lives. Experts were able to repair most of the statue, but its hands had been damaged so severely that they could not be restored. Some suggested that they hire a sculptor to make new hands, but others wanted to leave it as it was—a permanent reminder of the tragedy of war. Ultimately, the statue remained without hands. However, the people of the city added on the base of the statue of Jesus Christ a sign with these words: ‘You are my hands.’”</i> ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/04/you-are-my-hands?lang=eng" target="_blank">Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">When God allows us to be his hands, he gives us the opportunity to develop sustainable relationship of Amae with our family, friends, and community. These are like the covalent bonds we learn about in chemistry. If we all relied directly upon God for all our needs, we would not be able to establish bonds with each other. We would all bond directly with God but not with each other.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Family Bonding</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Because we are all separated from God and his immediate love to a certain degree, we all have the need for Amae. Our spirits need spiritual nourishment to live just as our bodies require physical nourishment to live. God designed families as the primary way we receive both physical and spiritual nourishment. Functional families successfully provide this nourishment and thus bond with each other. Dysfunctional families struggle with the ability to provide it and that bond can't be formed. Most families fall somewhere <i>in between</i> totally functional and totally dysfunctional. Because we may not be able to provide the level of nourishment our children need or because our parents may not be able to do that for us, God provides back-up resources. Back-up Redeemers. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">The Fall</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Sometimes the inability to provide Amae may be ascribed to purposeful negligence and abuse but other times it may be ascribed to objective random reality. The imbalanced relationship that results in dysfunction may only be a result of random circumstances. In other words, we can probably safely attribute the overall cause of dysfunctional conditions to the conditions of the Fall. Sickness, death, natural disasters, lack of maturity, generational neglect and abuse. The list of inherent weaknesses and misfortunes goes on! All of it can be categorized under the Fall. One dysfunctional condition causes another dysfunctional condition and like dominoes we all go down. The Atonement of Jesus Christ redeems our AGENCY. It gives us the power to overcome the conditions of a dysfunctional upbringing. It provides us with Amae where we didn't have it. If we choose him (and the back-up resources he has established) as our Redeemer these Fallen imbalanced conditions can be corrected.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">My Specific Adversity: What Happened?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">What exactly happened to me as a child? </span><span style="font-size: large;">As is the case for all of us, God primarily provided that needed spiritual nourishment through my family. That was my first-line resource growing up. Because that was dysfunctional to a given degree, I also had dysfunctional behavior before I learned to turn to my Redeemer for re-functionalization. Thankfully, part of the Atonement of Jesus Christ includes giving each of us Time to find Him and recognize how to turn to and rely upon his Redeeming love.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">My parents divorced when I was really little. I barely even remember my dad. He thought it was best to completely sever ties with us so I didn't grow up knowing him. In my teenage years I had some positive interaction with him. He was very kind. But I never had that father/daughter belonging relationship with him that would fulfill the purpose of family for me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I’m not sure why my biological father did what he did so I don’t want to go into that. I’m only sure that it was a combination of the Fall and his own choices. So he left our family early on. He left us to the care of my mom and eventually to my step-dad. My step-dad was born and raised in an abusive culture. I know he was verbally and physically knocked around a lot by his parents and siblings. So that was passed along to him and then to me and my siblings. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">From his family line, he learned that the solution to get children to obey was to force them to obey through physical pain or threat of it. The imbalanced character trait went like this: If children do not do what you say, you should increase their physical pain. In Behavioral Psychology--Operant Conditioning--this would be called Positive Punishment. Increasing or adding an undesirable stimulus like whipping a horse to get him to run faster. It is hitting a child after she has done something wrong in efforts to create a fear in her to not repeat that behavior again. If you consistently train a child like this she is going to assimilate those character traits, whether she would choose it or not.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">These imbalanced methods of training children can indirectly promote other imbalanced character traits in a child when they are the primary methods by which she learns to make her choices. If she did not know she was doing wrong in the first place, punishment was used as a teaching method, and this training was repeated throughout her childhood, what would be the consequence? What would she learn? I know what I learned—a fear that <i><b>whatever</b></i> I did could possibly be wrong. No space for trial and error. No time to make mistakes without the hammer of swift and painful judgment coming down on my head. It was not okay for me to be imperfect in any way. I developed an ultra-self-correction mechanism almost like an auto-immune disease and major self-defensiveness against anyone who attempted to correct me. <i>I will correct myself before anyone has a chance to punish me.</i> That was my unconscious attitude. As I grew older, I grew angry. And this is probably the same process that put such intense and virulent anger into my step-dad before me. The results of the Fall--generational abuse and neglect. Lack of Amae.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Neglecting to Protect</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The problem is not just in passing on dysfunctional love and character traits but it’s also in NOT passing on functional Amae and character traits. What does a child become when she is not protected by her parents? What happens if the very ones she should go to for safety, comfort, guidance, and support are the ones she has to hide from? How does she develop faith in the Atonement of Jesus Christ? Where does the vital nourishing love come from? How can a child learn how to be merciful if she wasn't consistently given it? And this is where she learns to protect herself. She learns that no one has her back. She believes there are no Back-up Redeemers. </span><i><span style="font-size: large;">She learns to Turn and Revile Again.</span></i><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I share this story knowing that almost everyone has experienced generational abuse and neglect to some degree. And if we see it in ourselves, we may be tempted to evaluate ourselves in Toxic Shame or to evaluate our parents in Toxic Blame. My goal is to objectively see these things as the product of ignorance and the Fall. When we recognize them as such, we can get to a place where we understand how the Atonement of Jesus Christ can be implemented to resolve the conflicts these dysfunctional relationships have created for us. These are the resultant conflicts that we are still struggling with today.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Back-up Redeemers</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">When the level of love and training our parents provide for us is not enough, the Atonement of Jesus Christ operates on our behalf. God knows what is going on. He works to put into place subsequent levels of resources that redeem us--compensate us. Our siblings may step in to help us because of their mercy and God-given abilities. They can be a resource for us especially when our parents are not. But since they are usually still learning and growing, as we are, and are receiving the same level of dysfunctional training, they often are not capable of playing this role for us. Yet mine did to a certain degree. My older sister was a beacon of light for me. She consistently read her scriptures, prayed, and went to church, which gave me a clue that these resources might be valuable to me as well.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We are all only required to do what we are willing and able to do. Love and Amae are about voluntary sacrifice, not forced sacrifice. We can't force people to love us. If we are willing, we can increase our ability to sacrifice over time in order to provide Amae for others through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. But if a parent is not aware of this chance to improve or is not willing to develop his ability to sacrifice for his children, our Savior knows about the situation and will send alternative resources. Others are called into action. Those others can be extended family members, friends, and members of our church. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I had a few other Back-up Redeemers growing up. My grandparents, my best friend and her family, and my church, its programs, and many of its members. These resources retrained me in important ways to learn how to obtain my desires and resolve my conflicts using higher skills than I was raised with. I discovered for myself that the prophets, scriptures and personal prayers were a vital resource for me. But it wasn't until I developed the faith to really depend upon Jesus Christ to whom they all were pointing that my Amae needs have been completely redeemed.</span><br />
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Gretchen Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08401206417850144051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3736244818041615267.post-60096733316597752262018-08-17T16:58:00.004-07:002021-03-02T20:12:13.120-08:00Where Do I Belong?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: large;">In a previous blog post I described a scene out of my own life story. It was a Conflict. It was an illustration of a relationship that was not working. The relationship was <i>dysfunctional</i>. It seemed to be failing in its purpose. There were two people involved, members of the same family, brother and sister. They were children. One was a 13-year-old girl (me) and the other was a 12-year-old boy (my brother). The brother reviled the sister and the sister Turned and Reviled Again and then the brother Turned and Reviled Again. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Functional Family Relationships</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Years later, during my training, I had to learn what a <i>functional</i> family relationship was. And when I did, I was able to see how Conflicts between family members can be prevented or resolved before they get out of hand. So this is what I learned: </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Functional family relationships are relationships that work. They are successful in their purpose. The following scenarios show how to maintain functional family relationships:</span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;">Scenario 1: Kindness Starts with Me</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Siblings treat each other with kindness.</span><br />
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<span style="color: red; font-size: large;">Scenario 2: Forgive, Repent, Recommit</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">A brother reviles a sister and the sister does not Turn and Revile Again. The sister would be previously trained to use one of the following levels of</span><span style="font-size: large;"> Conflict Resolution Processes given her maturity level:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Level 1: She ignores him and/or asks him to stop. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Level 2: If the reviling hurt, she talks her own insecurities and needs over privately with a parent and learns how to resolve these personal Conflicts separately.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Level 3: She redirects his behavior.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Level 4: She treats him with continued kindness in return.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Level 5: She thinks about which of his needs aren't being met and/or wonders what adversity (or lack of it) he's experiencing that is causing him to revile others.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Level 6: She seeks for more long-term ways to meet his needs appropriately in order to balance his adversity level.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">At any of these levels, if his reviling is continuous and the sister doesn't know what to do about it or have the endurance to implement it, she asks a parent to help resolve the Conflict. The parent implements the higher level Conflict Resolution Processes. The hope is that the brother will repent--say he is sorry for what he did--at any of these levels or that the parent will teach him how to apologize and recommit. Of course this is idealistic. It's the goal for children to work out their Conflicts with each other in this manner. They're not going to have any idea of what their roles are or how to do any of this if they are not trained. It's kind of like wild horses. They're just going to run wild unless they are trained.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Identify the Purpose</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">When relationships don't work, they don't fulfill their purpose. If that purpose was important to us then we want to fix the problem. We want to resolve the Conflict. </span><span style="font-size: large;">So what is the purpose of a family? When it is functional as in the above scenarios, what is the result? What was God trying to accomplish by setting us up in families? These were my questions. In order to assess the answers the Lord had to explain the basic human needs to me. I wrote about this a little in the last blog post but I'm going to review it here.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Basic Humanity</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">It was a shocker for me to learn that every human being needs love. It seems like a no brainer but I had never really thought about it before--at least in the way the Lord showed it to me in 2006. I remember reading a book called, "The Belonging Heart: The Atonement and Relationships with God and Family" by Bruce C. and Marie K. Hafen. It described our basic human need as <i>amae</i>, which is a Japanese concept that translates best into the English word <i>belonging</i>. There are so many different meanings for the word love that I had become completely confused about its core meaning. But when I read this book, I was seeing the concept of love from a whole new perspective. Here's a quote from it: "The word <i>amae</i>, for which no English equivalent exists, describes the innate need and desire within each person to depend on and feel connected to other people, especially in relationships of love and intimacy." </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Who Am I?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Visualizing what I needed changed my understanding of myself. For a long time before this epiphany I was unconsciously searching for my needs in other places besides family. And I'm now talking about the family in which I am the mom as well as my extended family. I was striving to fulfill my duty as well as I could. I wasn't running off on all kinds of other adventures. I was staying home with my family and working to make sure everyone else was happy. But <i>I</i> wasn't exactly happy. I didn't consider that my needs should also be met within these relationships. I seemed to inherently know that I desired to belong somewhere. I just hadn't considered why I wasn't feeling the <i>amae </i>with my own family.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Spiritual & Physical Nourishment</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I learned that love is spiritual nourishment. And just as it is vital for each of us to eat nutritious meals on a daily basis for optimal health, so it is vital for us to be spiritually nourished on a daily basis. And each of us has the power to spiritually nourish someone else through our own words and actions! God is our Father and so he knows that we have these constant needs. He designed the family unit to be the means by which these needs are met. Brothers and sisters, therefore, have the sacred duty and power to love one another. Loving is about treating each other compassionately and empathetically. It’s also about noticing each other’s strengths and cherishing them. Additionally, when one of us makes mistakes and does not do the above duties, which ends up hurting us, we repent, forgive, and try to work it out. We both recommit so the relationship can <i>Re-Functionalize</i>. The goal is to do whatever it takes for the relationship to work as God intended it to work for all of its members. That way everyone experiences <i>amae</i>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“WE, THE FIRST PRESIDENCY and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that…the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng&old=true" target="_blank">The Family, A Proclamation to the World</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Time for Change</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">After figuring this all out with the guidance of the Holy Ghost, I changed some of my goals. I started investigating why my present family relationships weren't resulting in <i>amae</i> for me. I looked at myself first. What did I need to change? I didn't feel bogged down with shame because I hadn't been doing better prior to learning this. I felt energized and excited that if I implemented the true processes of God in my family I would stop feeling this emptiness, this lack of something, this need to belong. I would be filled in the appropriate way. And I trusted that God's plan, when implemented would fill me completely. I just had to understand it better.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Knowing the Definitions</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">When family relationships are dysfunctional it means that one or more of its members are not feeling that sense of belonging because there is a lack of training and motivation to fulfill duties. They don't feel sufficiently loved, appreciated, accepted, and safe. Neither do they sufficiently love, appreciate, accept, and protect. Functional families are NOT perfect families in which everyone gets along all the time. They are families in which the members have been trained how to repent and forgive in order to recommit and Re-Functionalize when Conflict arises. They are families that know the promised rewards that come with keeping their commitments to one another. Understanding these promised rewards myself motivated me to realign my goals. When I prayed for help in developing the needed skills, it was given to me. Slowly but surely, I became a better </span><span style="font-size: large;">wife, mother, sister, and daughter. I'm still working on it. </span><span style="font-size: large;">And it turns out that those skills are the same skills needed to Stand Steadfast in Christ. </span><br />
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Gretchen Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08401206417850144051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3736244818041615267.post-47378813210532873032018-08-17T16:56:00.000-07:002019-02-11T21:26:57.026-08:00Shields Up!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: large;">In the <a href="https://whatithinkofchrist.blogspot.com/2017/01/standing-steadfast-in-christ.html" target="_blank">Standing Steadfast in Chris</a>t blog post I talked about this amazing strength our Savior has to remain balanced in the face of adversity. I spoke of how much I admired this character trait that I also saw in Joseph Smith. A major part of the reason I admire this trait so much is that I know how hurt I would be if those people reviled me like they were reviling Joseph. I know that <i>what</i> they were reviling him about was so intensely important to him. </span><span style="font-size: large;">I know about the temptation to fight back. </span><span style="font-size: large;">And to see him Stand Steadfast in Christ makes the admiration in me go through the roof. I know what both Joseph Smith and Jesus Christ could have done in response to the abuse and persecution they received. I know that’s the natural way to respond. It used to be my way to respond. Because I had developed this bad habit AND have subsequently been retrained to break it, I know how amazingly difficult it is to Stand Steadfast in Christ. Now I stand in awe of those who do. I know the strength it takes. I know about the Faith and the Love that need to be the driving motivators. They are my role models and seeing them do this, as well as others, sustains my ability to Stand Steadfast in Christ.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/5.44-45?lang=eng#43" target="_blank">Matthew 5:44-45</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">In the next several blog posts I’m going to relate to the best of my ability how the Savior re-trained me to Stand Steadfast in Christ. I'm not perfect in it, which probably goes without saying, but man have I come a long way thanks to Him! For the rest of this blog post, let’s just take a closer look at what it means to Revile.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">To Revile</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">To Revile is to criticize, condemn, attack, rail against, slander, vilify, or abuse. It’s also to knock, slam, badmouth, persecute, or crucify. It can be done physically or verbally. The definition we used in the last chapter was: to criticize in an abusive or angrily insulting manner. So this is one of our major sources of Adversity. Other people reviling us. When we say that we Turn and Revile Again, we’re insinuating that we are responding to some kind of Adversity that we received first. The scriptures call this "<i>the first offense.</i>"</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“And they were doing that which they felt was the duty which they owed to their God; for the Lord had said unto them, and also unto their fathers, that: Inasmuch as ye are not guilty of the first offense, neither the second, ye shall not suffer yourselves to be slain by the hands of your enemies.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/43.46?lang=eng#45" target="_blank">Alma 43:46</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">"<i>The second offense</i>" is the Turning and Reviling Again. If we're not guilty of either the first or the second offense and are defending ourselves and our families objectively, under the guidance of God, and are not motivated by our own personal hatred and desire for vengeance, then we are right with God in defending ourselves against abuse.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Degrees of Reviling</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">We can revile someone just a little or we can revile them a lot. This is speaking of the degree or intensity of the Adversity. When my brother called me FAT it was a lesser degree of Adversity than when he got all of his friends to call me FAT. If more people abuse us, the intensity increases. Also, people can lightly criticize us or they can go on and on about how wrong we are and how right they are. So duration and frequency can increase intensity. When we get really specific and detailed in our criticism, we increase the intensity. The last way that I can think increases our Adversity is if the reviling comes from someone we love and/or respect and especially from someone for whom we have given our life. This is kind of like how Judas Iscariot reviled Christ. That would have been extra painful for him since he was one of his twelve apostles who had been a disciple and a close friend for three years. Not unlike pouring salt into the wound. During my training I learned that it was important to understand</span><span style="font-size: large;"> why I may get intensely upset about something when others think all I need to do is take a chill-pill.</span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Specific Weaknesses and Sensitivities</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">That last reason goes along with this next point. What reviles one person may not phase another. That’s because we value things differently. We're all unique. Remember how I started out describing how much I valued being skinny and pretty since I was nine years old? I did that purposefully to explain why the Adversity I received was so intense for me to bear. When someone knows how to push our buttons, they know exactly what means the most to us. We all have different weakness and sensitivities. Knowing what someone’s are gives us the knowledge of how to love them better or hate them worse.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So given the degree of reviling and the degree to which we are sensitive to it, the total degree of Adversity may exceed our ability to stop ourselves from Turning and Reviling Again. If we are especially weak and untrained, it may not take much at all to get past our shields.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Neglect: The Opposite of Abuse</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">We’ve used the word Abuse as a synonym for reviling. Abuse is the main word I’ve chosen to use in the Servant Initiative to describe this concept. So technically Abuse is combining with someone else in a way that hurts them. It is adding a stimulus. It is contentious. It is a sin of <i>Commission</i>. The opposite of Abuse is Neglect. Technically Neglect is separating from someone else in a way that hurts them. It is subtracting a stimulus. It is passive aggressive. It is a sin of <i>Omission</i>. We can use Neglect to hurt someone. The reason behind that is that we all need love for spiritual nourishment as much as we need food and water for physical nourishment. We cannot spiritually live without it; to live in spiritual balance is to have Joy. So without love, we experience Sorrow. Those who are responsible for our care have the responsibility to physically and spiritually love us. In this way they care for our body and spirit. So if they Neglect doing this for us, they leave us in a vulnerable place. We are excessively exposed to injury and reviling. We have more buttons to be pushed. We have more sensitivities. We’re easily reviled by mischief-makers. And this includes Neglecting to protect us and Neglecting to teach and train us how to Stand Steadfast in Christ. The combination of both Ignorance (as a Result of Neglect) and Abuse is so fatal!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">In the diagram to the right we can see that there are degrees of intensity for both Abuse and Neglect. Not only can we Abuse a little or a lot, we can also Neglect a little or a lot. The balance between Abuse and Neglect is Love. Love includes Standing Steadfast in Christ, giving Mercy to those who Revile us, instead of doing what comes natural. With Love sometimes we do censure and reprimand. In Mercy sometimes we do separate from someone else. How do we know the difference—when we’ve crossed the line to Abuse or Neglect? That took the Savior a lot of time to explain to me. We’ll get to that somewhere in the next few posts. For now, just know that it's not wrong to combine or separate. It's when we combine or separate too much or too little, given the other person's needs and strengths and our own motives. Are we guilty of the first or second offense in our motives or are we objectively trying to resolve conflicts in a relationship? </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">With this information, we can see that most of us were Abused or Neglected to some degree growing up, which has caused us to develop a degree of Turning and Reviling Again. And that's just how it is. We’re not doing a disservice to our parents by acknowledging that. We’re not shaming ourselves by acknowledging that it is probably the case with our own parenting responsibilities. It’s important to look at how we developed this imbalanced behavior objectively. Not with the intent to Shame or Blame. Shaming and Blaming only causes ourselves and others to hide imbalances. It doesn’t turn us to Christ, where we need to go for healing.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I was once ignorant and vulnerable to all kinds of reviling. Now I’m not so ignorant and my shields are fully functional. That’s because of my Redeemer. And it is he who taught me to look a little closer at words such as Adversity, Sorrow, Abuse, Neglect, Love, Mercy, and Joy like we've done in this post. He taught me to look for their synonyms, antonyms, degrees, specifics, and generalities as I evaluated my own personal experiences. All of these <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/89.19?lang=eng#18" target="_blank">treasures of knowledge</a> were a necessary part of my training to develop my ability to Stand Steadfast in Christ. Knowledge and wisdom are the keys to "<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/isa/42.7?lang=eng#6" target="_blank">bring out the prisoners from the prison</a>."</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“</i><i>O thou afflicted, tossed with tempest, and not comforted; </i><i>behold, I will lay thy stones with fair colours, and lay thy foundations with sapphires.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/isa/54.11?lang=eng#10" target="_blank">Isaiah 54:11</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Listen: "<a href="https://youtu.be/lEFNQE76Us4" target="_blank">Wait and See</a>" by Brandon Heath</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">In the next blog post I’ll write more about why some people grow up to Turn and Revile Again while others grow up to Stand Steadfast in Christ.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“Some were lifted up in pride, and others were exceedingly humble; some did return railing for railing, while others would receive railing and persecution and all manner of afflictions, and would not turn and revile again, but were humble and penitent before God.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/3-ne/6.13?lang=eng#12" target="_blank">3 Nephi 6:13</a></i></span><br />
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Gretchen Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08401206417850144051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3736244818041615267.post-63784418248490665722018-08-17T16:53:00.000-07:002019-12-15T09:43:50.633-08:00Turning & Reviling Again<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: large;">Being beautiful has been very important to me since I was really young. And for me, being skinny, not fat, was a big part of what it meant to be beautiful. In my mind, I wasn't as yet so successful in obtaining that desire. In fact, I saw myself as failing. I started keeping a diary when I was 9-years-old. I still have it. The first entry reminds me of this obsession.</span> <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">To transcribe the image to the right, first page (the sentence is continued from the previous page): “Friday, June 16, 1978…is ugly but skinny. sandy is pretty and skinny they are luky. lesly is ugly but skinny I think tracy is a show off and ugly but skinny the tow twins across the street are ugly and fat. I still like Denies even though she’s fat. she gave me a poster of benji. and she gave me some of her candy. Im kind of fat to.”</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">What would my 9-year-old self say if she knew I was sharing her diary publicly? I would tell her it’s for a good cause—to help others who have strong Desires like her learn to obtain them through Standing Steadfast in Christ. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">In this blogpost I'm describing</span><span style="font-size: large;"> the weaknesses </span><span style="font-size: large;">I started with as a young girl in order to demonstrate the BEFORE in the before and after story, I'm relating. In the Standing Steadfast in Christ blog post, I spoke of how much I admired our Savior's ability to remain balanced in the face of adversity instead of losing it and Turning and Reviling Again. I sketched a pretty good picture of what it means to have this character trait using examples from both Joseph Smith's and Jesus Christ's lives. But in order to really drive home why I admire this strength so much, I need to show that I was the opposite. And I need to describe how the Savior retrained me. He made this weakness into a strength for me. That's the middle part of the story and the AFTER. It's hard for me to show these things. I expose myself. I'm evidently guilty. But paradoxically I am also </span><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://songsofredeeminglv.blogspot.com/2015/12/guilty-by-newsboys-lyrics.html" target="_blank">guilty by association</a>. Telling this story is a way that I can give my life for Him because it clearly demonstrates that everything beautiful that I am now is a result of <i>his association</i> with me. By myself I was weak. With him I am strong. It is a living testimony of his Atoning power. Back to the story...</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I’m not sure where I learned how to value appearances so highly. It could have been from my mother who was always talking about losing weight. It could also have been from society in general which stated so loudly and clearly: A thin young woman with a pretty face is a beautiful woman. Most likely it was from both. My mom was influenced by her mom who was also always worrying about losing weight. Both were influenced by society’s obsession with weight and appearance. And I know I have influenced my own kids to be concerned about their weight as well. On and on it goes. Where it starts and ends nobody knows.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I’m not saying that it’s a bad value to have the desire to be fit and attractive. I’m saying that if that is our desire, then we need to be taught what we can actually DO to obtain it in a healthy way. How did I need to eat? What foods should I have avoided more? What healthy relationships did I need to develop? What sports could I have gotten more involved in? Did I know that walking, running, playing, moving (which I was doing to some degree--see pic to the right) could burn fat? Who did I need to hang out with more? Additionally, we need to look to REAL standards to know where we stand. Was I overweight or not? Let's look at this objectively. How much should I have weighed for my age, height, and body structure? And how much did I in fact weigh? Now that is sense. I didn’t have much of it back then. I was looking to the opinions of everyone and their dog to tell me if I was successful in my goal or not. Why look to these arbitrary, unstable sources for validation? </span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-size: large;">(see blog post</span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><a href="http://specialopsmoms.blogspot.com/2013/08/choice-crucial-conjunction.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;">Choice: The Crucial Conjunction</span></a><span style="font-size: large;">)</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">...and why the heck would I allow my brother of all people to be my judge?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Because this Desire to be fit and attractive meant so much to me I was very sensitive to people telling me I was fat (even though in that Hello Kitty Diary I was pretty brutal with defining others as such). My sensitivity is very similar to how Anne of Greene Gables felt about her red hair. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Somehow (Hmmm…I don’t know how!??) my younger brother got wind of this information and as is the case with most siblings, he used it against me. He may have been teasing but from my perspective, it felt like torture. Pure torture. Let’s just say he knew how to push my buttons. </span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">"Flashback, step into the scene. </span><span style="font-size: large;">There's you and there's a very different me..." </span></i><i><span style="font-size: large;">~<a href="http://songsofredeeminglv.blogspot.com/2014/02/sing-redeeming-love.html" target="_blank">Me Without You</a> by TobyMac</span></i><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Flashback</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">A few years after the above journal entry, when I was around 13-years-old (about 1982-1983), my sensitivity to my brother’s reviling increased. At that age, I was extremely conscious of my body image as most tweens-teens are. I still wanted to be skinny and had even started trying to diet. But as previously mentioned, I didn’t have the slightest clue about how to lose weight the right way. I just did these crash diets that involved grapefruits and toast or just pure starvation. Anyway, my brother had some friends over and he got them all to call me FAT. Not a good idea. I’m sure I must have been doing something to irritate him but I can’t remember what it was. Or maybe he and his friends were just bored. I know when my own boys were young they always needed to have something to do or they’d get into mischief. So I remember this specific day of mischief because of how intensely it hurt. It was one thing for my brother to call me FAT. It was another for all of his friends to do it too.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">In response I was angry. Some girls would cry. I didn’t. My brother and his friends were all barricaded in his room. They were holding the door closed and laughing. The anger inside me burned. I tried to get into the room. I was seeking vengeance. That was the only way I knew to resolve the intense conflict within me. Who knows what I was going to do against so many boys if I ever did get in? Definitely not thinking rationally. But I couldn’t get in. So I found a stick, the type which we used to secure a sliding glass door. I went around the back yard to my brother’s window and swung. Yep. I swung and hit the window. The window broke. The anger inside me ceased abruptly. I had shocked even myself. Now I was scared. I don’t remember what I did from that point on. I think I hid. I don’t know if my brother and his friends were injured in any way. I think it just scared them. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">You know who’s turn it was to revile again. And that’s what he did. He and his friends left the house and they happened upon a police officer in the neighborhood. They told him what I had done. And the dude actually came to our house and knocked on the front door. I answered it. I think my brother and his friends were out in the street watching and laughing. The policeman questioned me. I was SCARED TO DEATH and totally humiliated. I answered him frankly. Yes, I did break the window with a stick. He just told me not to do it again, that it wasn’t good for me to do something like that and left. I felt so much shame. I felt like a monster for what I had done. And that was my brother’s revenge. He brought me to Justice. What did I do in response? Smoldering, deepening hatred for both my brother and myself. Turning and Reviling Again never ends. It just never ends.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I wonder now why I didn’t think of just separating myself from the situation. But that resolution process never entered my mind. If I could go back and whisper something in that little 13-year-old's ear, it would be, “Hey, guess what? You can actually leave this house and stay away from it for long periods of time so you don’t have to be around him. You can go to a friend’s house, get involved in some more school stuff, sports, or other community activities. And in fact, that was what ended up happening in less than a year from this incident when I started going back to church. Thankfully someone from church came and brought me back. I attribute that to my Savior. I was so far from being able to resolve these familial conflicts on my own in the right way. I seriously had no clue. Just Turn and Revile Again. That’s all I knew.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;">There was something else that meant a lot to me. My younger brother and I are pretty close in age--about 17 months apart. In our early childhood, we were best friends. We did a lot together. We went on all kinds of adventures. Got in trouble together. I developed a dependence on him as a good friend. I loved him. I probably wouldn't have admitted it then. We had all kinds of normal sibling rivalries and squabbles but they didn't affect the foundational love I had for him. We'd get into a squabble and the next minute we were outside playing together. But during our tween years, things changed. Conflicts between us would escalate out of control. I have heard it said that we hate the most those we would have loved the most. I'm pretty sure that's what happened to our relationship during those years.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">It would be several more years before I had been thrashed by adversity enough to drive me to my knees. I had to do things my way for a while in order to figure out the dead-end street I was on. I’m not saying I didn’t learn earlier how to stop myself from breaking windows and fighting back in such an obviously dysfunctional manner. It wasn’t too much longer after this event that I learned to hold the anger in much better—hide it. I was motivated by SHAME. The encounter with policemen and other policemen-like people caused Toxic Shame to develop inside of me. But no matter how much I used shame to stop myself from feeling so angry, I couldn't do it. Hiding it or trying to keep it stuffed all inside of me only caused me to be in constant turmoil. Around and around it went. Why couldn't I be good? If the adversity got hot enough, drops of the dysfunction would be squeezed out in my words and in my behavior. But the thing is, the frequency of Conflicts with others decreased as I got older. The Virus became dormant...until I got married and had my own children, which increased the adversity in my life to levels that were very difficult to bear for a person with my Steadfast skill level.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“O thou afflicted, tossed with tempest, and not comforted…” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/isa/54.11?lang=eng#10" target="_blank">Isaiah 54:11</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">In writing this blog post, I'm working on facing the <a href="http://whatithinkofchrist.blogspot.com/2017/02/shame.html" target="_blank">Shaming Judge</a>. It is part of the Lord's present training process for me. Again, it's important to note that I don't have the close relationship with him that I do because I've been a righteous pillar of strength my whole life. I haven't been. I have this relationship with him because I've been down in the dirt and when I finally had enough I came to him to figure it all out.</span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">"What do I know of Holy? What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?" ~</span><span style="font-size: large;">Listen: "<a href="http://songsofredeeminglv.blogspot.com/2016/02/addison-road-what-do-i-know-of-holy.html" target="_blank">What Do I Know Of Holy</a>" by Addison Road</span></i><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“And Jesus answering said unto them, They that are whole need not a physician; but they that are sick.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/luke/5.31?lang=eng#30" target="_blank">Luke 5:31</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I know how hard it is to Stand Steadfast in Christ in the face of Adversity. </span><span style="font-size: large;">I know about the temptation to fight back. </span><span style="font-size: large;">To see others stand steadfast makes the admiration in me go through the roof. I know what both Joseph Smith and Jesus Christ could have done in response to the abuse and persecution they received. I know that’s the natural way to respond. It used to be my way to respond. Those who Stand Steadfast in Christ are my role models and seeing them do this, as well as others, now sustains my ability to do it too.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/5.44-45?lang=eng#43" target="_blank">Matthew 5:44-45</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">In the next several blog posts I’m going to relate to the best of my ability how the Savior re-trained me to Stand Steadfast in Christ. I'm not perfect in it, which probably goes without saying, but man have I come a long way thanks to Him!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Listen: "</span><a href="https://youtu.be/lEFNQE76Us4" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;">Wait and See</span></a><span style="font-size: large;">" by Brandon Heath</span></div>
Gretchen Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08401206417850144051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3736244818041615267.post-50031393251461448542017-02-28T15:24:00.001-08:002021-07-05T08:52:35.959-07:00That's What You Wanted<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: large;">It's time for me to move on. I've known this for a while now. I need to progress past this place I've been in for too long. I'm talking about spiritual progression but I am also planning on physically moving from the state I've lived in for the past 20 years. My youngest is graduating from high school so I'll be finished with this chapter of my life. Consequently I'm finally facing some of the repairs I've put off for a while. Likewise I'm continuously facing spiritual repairs. These are repairs that need to be done when things start changing in my relationship with Jesus Christ. Working with him to figure out the things I'm doing, saying, and thinking that separate me from Him builds my relationship with Him.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>That's what I wanted</i></b>. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Listen: "<a href="http://songsofredeeminglv.blogspot.com/2017/02/what-you-wanted-onerepublic.html" target="_blank">What You Wanted</a>" by OneRepublic</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">A few months ago I was blow drying my hair and the blow dryer blew a fuse. It sparked and stopped working all together. I tried to reset the GFCI outlet, which is the type of outlet with the 'reset' and 'test' buttons on it, but that wouldn't even reset. I discovered that two other outlets, another one in my bathroom and the one in the kids' bathroom, were now non-functional. I went around resetting the other GFCI outlets in the house as my first resolution process. If they were somehow connected to the one in my bathroom, then maybe the blow dryer had tripped them too. But it didn't fix the problem. I went down to the basement to check the breaker panel. No breakers had tripped. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The next day I found that our garage door had stopped working! What the heck? Was this a coincidence? I didn't even tie the two events together at this point. I just opened and shut the garage door manually for the next few days. But that couldn't last so I finally investigated and found that the GFCI outlet in the garage was tripped. When I reset it the garage door worked again. It was then that I said, 'Wait a minute. This just might be connected to the blow dryer incident.' I was hoping that resetting that outlet would fix the other but it didn't. So I didn't know what to do except call an electrician.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">But I didn't <i><b>want</b></i> to call an electrician. The last time I did was so frustrating. I was charged seventy-five bucks for a five-minute visit on a fix I could have totally done myself. So no electrician...at least not until I had completely burned out (not literally hopefully) on trying to fix it myself.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I just left the broken outlet alone for a while. Meanwhile I plugged into another one. It was inconvenient but better than calling an electrician. I used this other outlet for a few months. But when I started to think about selling the house I knew I would have to fix that outlet. I had been thinking about it off and on throughout those months and came to an initial hypothesis that the GFCI outlet itself needed to be replaced. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So I watched a number of YouTube videos that showed me how to replace it. I love YouTubers that share their skills and talents!!! Then I went to Home Depot and purchased a new one. I followed the instructions I had received and successfully replaced the outlet. But it still wouldn't work! I left it alone for another few days. I was really battling a sense of hopelessness. Of course I was praying about this like I do about everything. The Lord is usually right with me helping me know what to do. So between him and the YouTubers, I was well supervised. Usually I have a sixth sense, the Lord's sense, for how to solve these kinds of issues. But this time He wasn't telling me. It was so frustrating. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I started thinking that the problem must be somewhere deep within the drywall and it would take a huge mess plus tons of electrician skills that I didn't have to repair it. But still I refused to call an electrician. I was going to fix this thing come hell or high water.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">A few days later I had formed another hypothesis. I had watched more YouTube videos and had started taking careful notes about the laws of electricity and getting a better handle on the terminology. GFCI = Ground Fault Circuit Interrupter. Outlets = Terminals. Wires in = Line. Wires out = Load. Red Wire = neutral, positive. Black Wire = hot, negative. Copper Wire = ground. I paid close attention to all the safety rules because I didn't want to die.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I called someone at Home Depot who knew about electrical malfunctions and troubleshooting. She was on the phone with me for an hour while I tested a bunch of things. She had me switch the wires on the GFCI outlet but nothing made any different. She told me to check outside for another breaker panel so I went out there. The box looked formidable. In so many ways it seemed to be saying: Access Denied. It looked like only an official electrician should <i>or could</i> open it. It had some sort of blue lock on the front that I couldn't get off. I didn't want to damage it. My Home Depot friend told me to leave it alone. So I did.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">My next Conflict Resolution Process was to go to Home Depot and buy a multimeter, which is a device for testing electrical current. I had to find out if the outlet was even receiving any power. So I bought one, watched YouTube videos on how to use the darn thing, tested for power, and found the next clue to solving this mystery! No power was even getting to the GFCI outlet. The lights and fans still worked in the bathroom. It was just the outlets that didn't.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">It was time to focus on the breaker panel in the basement. Even though a breaker was not tripped, maybe the one that powered the GFCI outlet in my bathroom was busted! I had got this idea from another YouTube video. So I used my multimeter to check the power on all of the breakers. It took me some time to figure out what was normal and what was abnormal in the panel because some wires didn't register any current at all and others did. So were the breakers all functional or not? I left this question simmering on the back burner for another day. Then I got the idea to manually check all the breakers. I remembered that the garage outlet had been tripped when the blow dryer blew so I figured that outlet was somehow connected to the other. But none of the breakers had 'garage' listed next to them. Had they been mislabeled? I determined that when I found the one that powered the outlet in the garage, it would be the same one that powered my bathroom outlet.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So I got up bright and early the next morning and flipped one breaker off at a time and assessed where the power was now out in the house at the same time as checking if it also turned off the power for the garage door. There are like 15 breakers so this was a lot of running up and down the stairs. It was a pretty good workout. But after doing that, I found that all the breakers were functional and none of them turned off the garage power! Now what? From whence was the garage outlet receiving power? Things were getting pretty exciting now!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">But I'm pretty slow in putting two and two together sometimes. I didn't yet see the answer. All I knew was that I needed to know more about the wiring for my house. Where would additional breaker boxes be? My Home Depot friend had suggested I talk to the builders--Richmond--since they were still building in my neighborhood. My house is only 4 years old. I went across the street to the model homes. On my way I noticed a metal box on a house being built that was just like my outside electric box. Hmmm...but I remained on my course to ask Richmond about it. Gotta be sure about all of this. These electrical boxes are so formidable, you know! I asked the woman in the office if I could talk to an onsite electrician. I wasn't going to ask him (or her) to come over and fix my problem. I just had a specific Richmond house question. Denied. She suggested I call an electrician. Nope.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Next up: I went outside and took another long look at my electrical box. Hypothesis: <i>there's another breaker panel in there!</i> But how in the heck could I open it? I googled it. I found this blessed person's video (lol):</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Awesome!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So that did it. I easily opened the formidable electrical box and within it lay ANOTHER BREAKER PANEL! Who knew that houses had two breaker panels? And lo and behold there was a breaker labeled 'Baths GFI' (GFCI is sometimes abbreviated) and it was in fact tripped. From there I just had to turn it off and on a few times while I made sure the wires were connected right on the GFCI outlet in the bathroom. Finally, I was able to reset the outlet. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Then I plugged a lamp into it and it worked! So amazing. Seriously. One of the best mystery solving experiences I've ever had!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Lessons from Home Repairs</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The reason I'm writing about this in this blog is that I learned some valuable lessons from this experience. After the conflict was resolved I looked back on the entire story. I saw how weak my faith was. I saw how I 'plugged in' somewhere else when the outlet malfunctioned for months before trying to fix it. But I also saw how I didn't give up once I was determined to fix it--<i><b>once I had a reason that was powerful enough to motivate me to fix it</b></i>. I noticed how I had to learn about the basics of electricity. I had created a document, labeled <i>Electricity</i> and took careful notes on the YouTube videos and other forum websites I had studied. I had to slow myself down, be patient, and learn some things so that I wouldn't think this was an impossible task. I had to form hypotheses. The Lord wasn't just going to tell me what I needed to do. He wanted me to go through this step by step troubleshooting process. He wanted me to use my noggin. I didn't think I had enough in my noggin to resolve the conflict. I thought I would need to have months of training before I could fix it. I thought that fixing the problem would be much more complicated than it actually was. I've always had a fear of electricity and have considered these kinds of repairs above my skill level. So instead of thinking the problem was common, at least to begin with, and using easy standard troubleshooting skills, I was envisioning a very complicated tasks that was way above me. Problems may indeed end up being complicated but the key is to start with more basic hypotheses to rule out those first. This is like taking care of the beam first before we go looking for those harder to see motes (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/7.4?lang=eng#3" target="_blank">Matthew 7:4</a>). </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">While it was difficult for me to see the Lord's guidance during the whole experience, I look back and see it clearly. He was the one instructing me to write down what I already knew, watch the YouTube videos looking for clues, form multiple hypotheses, and test them out. I also sensed that he did not want me to call an electrician. He wanted me to work with him to resolve it. This was one of his lessons for me and we would have fun resolving the conflict together. Resolving conflicts with those we love builds relationships. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">When I am trying to resolve spiritual problems my YouTube videos are replaced with the scriptures, conference talks, other good books, the past experiences of others that they share, and my own past experiences (like this one). The Lord expects me to write down what I already know about the answers I'm searching for and use my available resources. He wants me take notes to learn the basic laws and terminology, then form hypotheses and test them out.</span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">“Now, as I said concerning faith—that it was not a perfect knowledge—even so it is with my words. Ye cannot know of their surety at first, unto perfection, any more than faith is a perfect knowledge. But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/32.26-27?lang=eng#5" target="_blank">Alma 32:26-27</a></span></i><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I have spiritual conflicts in my life--metaphoric power outlets that have stopped functioning as well as they used to. I normally feel pretty confident in my strength to deal with these conflicts head-on. I usually don't try to procrastinate fixing them. I don't like to live in denial. This is because it has become a delight to work with the Lord to repent and make things right. And because I am so dependent upon him for my well-being, I can't handle it when breakers trip between us. My repeated choice to repent has built our relationship to what it is. Repentance is just like fixing things in the house that have stopped functioning right.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">After this experience with the GFCI outlet, I realized that I had fallen into 'plugging in' to other outlets when my relationship with Him had stopped returning the level of power I desired. The power is never completely turned off but it tends to wax and wane in strength. When it wanes, I know it's time to learn more. But I've become lazy over the past few years and as a result I've been struggling with myself and these temptation to 'plug in' to other sources. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I've known that I should not plug in to other outlets. That's just going to slow my overall progression down. But at the same time I need a certain level of 'power' and can't make that need go away. I've been trying to resolve this conflict by forcing myself to stop plugging into other sources. I use self-criticism. I shame myself for having the desire to receive more power. I should be grateful for what I'm already receiving! Then I just try to use shear will power to keep away from the things that tempt me. I try to say they're bad for me and I don't really want them anyway. Doesn't work. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The things that tempt me are pretty wholesome. They are good things such as chocolate hazelnut cheesecake, Twilight on VidAngel, a Georgette Heyer novel, extremely attractive good men who I know would never be right for me and vice versa, a career path that deviates from the one the Lord wants me on, etc. Wholesome. Not terrible. But this is a good, better, and best issue, which makes them Conflicting Desires--opportunity costs to what I really want. So plugging into another power outlet in my room to blow dry my hair is not a huge opportunity cost. But when I plug in to these other temptations, they just prolong my Desire Obtainment Process. They slow it down or keep me running around in circles. And if I keep it up for too long I may end up never obtaining <i><b>what I wanted.</b></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So I have two conflicting processes that I engage in that throw me off course for <b><i>what I wanted. </i></b> When I encounter tripped breakers that I don't know how to fix, I: </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">1. go plug in somewhere else. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">2. try to stop myself from 'plugging in' all together by shear will power. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I have encountered tripped breakers in my relationship with the Lord throughout my whole life. I work with Him to fix one, but as I progress on my journey up the mountain another higher level breaker trips. Never fails. I have to continually work with him to repair them so that the flow of power can increase to the level that satisfies me. I've loved this process but have also majorly struggled with it. Somewhere along the line I started thinking I was finished with all the tripped breakers. <i>'Kay, done now.</i> I thought that they shouldn't trip anymore. But they do and they have.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Usually a tripped breaker means there's some habit in me that we need to work on breaking. And there's a better habit that we need to work on developing. And that takes time. I'm sick of time. I don't want it to take any more time! <a href="http://specialopsmoms.blogspot.com/2016/09/time-why-you-punish-me.html" target="_blank">Time, Why You Punish Me?</a> I ask the Lord why he can't just accept me for who I am. His answer is, '<i>Because <b>that's what you wanted</b>. It is you who is not accepting yourself for who you are. And it is you who will tell me when we have fixed enough of the tripped breakers between us. You will know when you are satisfied with the degree of power in our relationship. If you're not as satisfied as you used to be, it's time to come to me and figure out how to progress past this place.</i>'</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So he's right. And here's the issue about accepting myself for who I am. It's not about what I can receive. I'm not interested in just receiving peace and blessings, even from God. Some desires that are inherent to the human soul can't be given to us. And I'm seeing myself almost from a third-person perspective. I actually <i>want</i> to sacrifice <i>more</i> for Him. I need to. Accepting that is accepting who I am. My Savior gives me so much. I am so thankful for that but I will never be satisfied until I can meet his sacrifice with my own. I'm not saying I'll ever be able to sacrifice as much as Jesus Christ. I'm saying that I want to give my widow's mite. I can't hold anything back. I have to give him everything. It's crazy. It's insane! But <i><b>that's what I wanted</b></i></span>.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“I’ll put your poison in my veins</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>They say the best love is insane, yeah</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>I'll light your fire till my last day</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>I'll let your fields burn around me, around me”</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>~"<a href="http://songsofredeeminglv.blogspot.com/2017/02/what-you-wanted-onerepublic.html" target="_blank">What You Wanted</a>" by OneRepublic</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel’s, the same shall save it.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/mark/8.35?lang=eng#34" target="_blank">Mark 8:35</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">When breakers trip in my relationship with Christ its like something blew up in my face. I experience confusion or pain that I can't resolve so I block it out, ignore it, and go eat something. After physically repairing the GFCI outlet with him as well as other things around my house during the past month, I'm remembering the joy of repentance--the joy of Conflict Resolution--the joy of mystery solving. This has motivated me to be more aware of our spiritual tripped breakers. So instead of plugging in somewhere else, I'm facing each problem as it comes. I'm looking at him directly and confessing that I don't know how to resolve this one. Through it all I'm coming to know my Savior much better. And <b><i>that's what I wanted</i></b>!</span></div>
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Gretchen Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08401206417850144051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3736244818041615267.post-42904359992764419542017-01-09T17:33:00.000-08:002021-07-05T08:52:05.764-07:00Wish They Had VidAngel When I Was a Teen<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: large;">When I was younger and before I understood the consequences, I saw some bad movies. Dirty movies. When I got older and was married, some of the sexual scenes from these movies would randomly pop into my mind. I forced them out by ignoring them. The images were not tempting me to dwell on them. It was more that I didn’t want the dirt associated with that sacred part of me. It all made me sick. I regretted having made the choice to put those kinds of memories in my mind in the first place. It also made me angry. Angry at the producers and everyone who had been involved in making the movies (E.g. I absolutely HATE Tom Cruise).</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“Know ye not, my son, that [sexual sins] are an abomination in the sight of the Lord; yea, most abominable above all sins save it be the shedding of innocent blood or denying the Holy Ghost?” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/39.5?lang=eng#4" target="_blank">Alma 39:5</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So 8 years ago, when I decided to face all this, I wondered if there was someway to empty the trash for good. Was there a way to purge these memories from my mind permanently so I wouldn’t have to keep dealing with them whenever they decided to emerge? Was there a way to undo what others had done to me before I was smart enough to establish boundaries against them?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/isa/1.18?lang=eng#17" target="_blank">Isaiah 1:18</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I prayed about it. This was the answer:</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Separate the dirt from what was clean, holy, pure, and of God. The reason these unclean memories stayed alive in my mind was that they were so interconnected with a pure God-given need for a relationship that can’t be eliminated. When I thought of good, appropriate sexual relations within marriage, these other tentacle-like parasitic images would be wrapped around them, stuck to them like bacterial slime. So the key was to separate this bacterial slime from the healthy good thoughts and memories. We can’t just purge an inherent God-given need. To attempt to do so is stupid and will end in the adoption of all kinds of vices and strange compensating behaviors that can never truly satisfy.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/gen/1.4?lang=eng#3" target="_blank">Genesis 1:4</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Recognize Why These Movies Were Wrong</span><br />
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<span style="color: red; font-size: large;">Selling Sex: Getting it Cheap</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Understand that the selling that which is sacred, which belongs privately between a man and a woman in marriage, is what makes it wrong. Sexual relations were never meant to be purchased that freely. In order to rightfully obtain such a privilege it takes developing a trusting relationship with ONE other person of the opposite sex, voluntary sacrifice, and long-term commitments in marriage to both spouse and God. It’s that valuable. It’s that amazingly beautiful. It was never meant to be obtained cheaply. The most valuable gifts are those we sacrifice the most for. The very intensity, duration, and all-encompassing nature of our commitment is what enables us to feel how valuable this gift really is. If it is handed out via movies, websites, magazines, and by cheap people, it loses its value to us. We can’t FEEL its value anymore. Simple as that. And what do we become if we can no longer attain the glorious heights of this kind of relationship?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“For thus saith the Lord, Ye have sold yourselves for nought; and ye shall be redeemed without money.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/isa/52.3?lang=eng#2" target="_blank">Isaiah 52:3</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="color: red; font-size: large;">Public Showing & Sexual Bonding</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">If the images stimulated me, I was taking part in the sexual relationship to some degree with the actors, the directors, producers, anyone involved in making the movie, and anyone else who was watching it with me. This group obtainment of such a sacred privilege is obtaining it in a scattered deviant way. We are programming our sexual Effect Sensors to receive this privilege in this specific way. It can never sustainably satisfy yet we develop a long-term dependence upon receiving it like that. Forming sexual bonds is an inherent part of the make-up of every son and daughter of God. If we establish sexual bonds through some vicarious relationship with Hollywood and our fellow audience members, it is an opportunity cost to completely bonding with one person sacredly and privately. The only way to obtain a sustainable satisfying sexual relationship is to reserve oneself for one person only. That’s why when I saw these movies I experienced the warning feelings that made me feel very disgusting and slimy. The Holy Ghost was trying to tell me, “<i>Don’t go there. It is addictive and has a bad Paradoxical Result.</i>”</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“But thou didst trust in thine own beauty, and playedst the harlot because of thy renown, and pouredst out thy fornications on every one that passed by; his it was.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/ezek/16.15?lang=eng#14" target="_blank">Ezekiel 16:15</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Establishing sexual bonds with bad movies and the like and trying to establish an intimate relationship with one person is like saying you’re completely and utterly in love with one person, telling them that you are totally faithful to them, and having an affair with another on the side. Impossible. Contradiction. Evil. Conflicting. Even if this is done before marriage, meaning there isn’t anyone to cheat on (besides God), Bad Relationships are developing. And these are very very difficult to break up with owing to the powerful nature of this God-given need and privilege. It can exalt us if we obtain it in the right way or damn us if we don’t. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“You must wait--you must wait until you can give everything, and you cannot give everything until you are at least legally and, for Latter-day Saint purposes, eternally pronounced as one. To give illicitly that which is not yours to give (remember--"you are not your own") and to give only part of that which cannot be followed with the gift of your whole heart and your whole life and your whole self is its own form of emotional Russian roulette. If you persist in sharing part without the whole, in pursuing satisfaction devoid of symbolism, in giving parts and pieces and inflamed fragments only, you run the terrible risk of such spiritual, psychic damage that you may undermine both your physical intimacy and your wholehearted devotion to a truer, later love. You may come to that moment of real love, of total union, only to discover to your horror that what you should have saved has been spent, and--mark my words--only God's grace can recover that piecemeal dissipation of your virtue.” ~<a href="http://www.familylifeeducation.org/gilliland/procgroup/Souls.htm" target="_blank">Elder Jeffrey R. Holland</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So bonding sexually with a group of strangers through the medium of television, magazines, or internet is one reason bad movies are bad. Sexual relations with our spouse motivate us to keep our commitments to one another. They motivates us to keep the relationship clean and holy. We can’t obtain this privilege from anyone else or anywhere else. If we have issues with one another, as always occurs in close relationships, we are motivated to do whatever it takes to resolve the conflicts in the Lord’s way. We’re motivated to drive out the natural man and become more like our Savior. In this way the good feelings and attraction in a marriage are preserved so that BOTH spouses actually depend upon, desire, and look forward to the intimate relationship. It’s not forced. It doesn’t feel like a chore. If we have an out—another place we can get it, even if it isn’t a pure source, that motivation to repent, apologize, and forgive wanes. Why should we go through that tough relationship stuff if we have so many cheap sources that don’t require anything of us but a few bucks? Bad feelings perpetuate in that kind of relationship. It’s very difficult to continue uniting so intimately with a person with whom we experience continuous conflict or perpetual numbness.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“Do this thing which I have commanded you, and you shall prosper. Be faithful, and yield to no temptation.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/9.13?lang=eng#12" target="_blank">D&C 9:13</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="color: red; font-size: large;">Condoning Immorality</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Condoning sexual relationships between two people who aren’t married also makes bad movies bad. From what I have seen, the usual way movies present the most sacred act is between a man and a woman who are not married. Way cheap. (And even if they are married, they are still sharing this relationship with everybody on the movie set and in the theater.) </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So movies act as a brain-washing device. They show people cheating like this and then completely happy afterwards. They don’t give the real story. They don’t show what happens to two people when they enter into a sexual relationship without first making serious marriage commitments with each other and God. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The Result is a personality disorder. Take the goodies without having to ever do the work. Get all the privileges without any of the risks. Start a relationship like that and see where it goes. What you will find is that kind of selfish attitude, that fear/refusal-to-commit yet-still-want-all-the-privileges attitude, is interwoven into the smaller relationship interactions. It will rear its ugly head in finances, chores, the kids, or any other part of life that requires sacrifice and commitment. Immorality means Survival of the Fittest. It means people are living for themselves, wherever they can get the advantage of another to meet their own needs without having to commit to so much. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much: and he that is unjust in the least is unjust also in much.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/luke/16.10?lang=eng#9" target="_blank">Luke 16:10</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We do get something out of sexual relationships outside of marriage. Some people may even be satisfied with that. We just don’t get everything that God has in store for those that keep his commandments in regards to this relationship.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/1-cor/2.9?lang=eng#8" target="_blank">1 Corinthians 2:9</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Sexual Relations are of God</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I think the number one thing that makes bad movies bad is that good girls and boys end up being repulsed and ashamed by ALL sexual relations. Those of us who are trying to live our life as the Savior would have us live it have a deep desire to do what is right. If we have seen movies that depict sexual relations and we have subsequently felt very bad about it, we most likely mistakenly associate the pure God-given gift of sexuality with this dirty feeling. We end up thinking sex is dirty in whatever relationship. So again, this was the critical part of cleansing myself of the memories of the bad movies without having to turn into the negative connotation of a Prude. I had to recognize that the sexual relationship itself is not the wrong, dirty, bad thing. The scriptures and prophets testify of the righteousness of such a relationship.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/gen/2.24?lang=eng#23" target="_blank">Genesis 2:24</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“THE FIRST COMMANDMENT that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.” </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“WE DECLARE the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan.”</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">~<a href="https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng" target="_blank">The Family: A Proclamation to the World</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“And [Jesus] answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/19.4-6?lang=eng#3" target="_blank">Matthew 19:4-6</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I would say the number one strategic plan of the Behind the Scenes Author of ALL bad movies is to put asunder that which God hath joined together.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“…may I suggest that human intimacy, that sacred, physical union ordained of God for a married couple, deals with a symbol that demands special sanctity. Such an act of love between a man and a woman is--or certainly was ordained to be--a symbol of total union: union of their hearts, their hopes, their lives, their love, their family, their future, their everything. It is a symbol that we try to suggest in the temple with a word like seal. The Prophet Joseph Smith once said we perhaps ought to render such a sacred bond as "welding"--that those united in matrimony and eternal families are "welded" together, inseparable if you will, to withstand the temptations of the adversary and the afflictions of mortality.” ~<a href="http://www.familylifeeducation.org/gilliland/procgroup/Souls.htm" target="_blank">Elder Jeffrey R. Holland</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;">How to Erase The Memories Once and For All</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">So my instructions were that once I had differentiated a good healthy sexual relationship in marriage from the specific variables that polluted it, I needed to work on developing that kind of relationship with my spouse. Having a healthy sexual relationship with our spouse protects us from temptation. If we have it in the appropriate way, we won’t need it from any other source. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">If you are not married, the next thing to do is to go out and date. This is what I told my boys about dating: Don’t be a wimp! Yes, I understand that girls can be total jerks. I’m glad I don’t have to deal with them. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">It’s like some crazy head-hunting cannibalistic ritual, where you have to avoid being killed (arrows flying at your head right and left) by the very person you’re trying to capture. Hmmm…not unlike marriage sometimes when you think about it. But if you have developed a solid enough relationship with your Savior (total key), you will be able to withstand this onslaught. He gives you the armor and the weaponry. Dating is getting out there, hunting, dealing with the pain, participating in the real appropriate behaviors (the looks, hand-holding, “<i>Does she like me?</i>”, the first kiss, all that exciting stuff) that eventually will lead to your selection of a young woman whom you will some day marry. You don’t want to jump into all the heavy stuff anyway. There is so much fun in the preliminaries!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Conclusion</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Getting the memories of bad movies out of my mind was all about separating the bad from the good—my real God-given needs and Desires from the inappropriate way to get them met. I had to get this all straightened out in my mind. After I went through this cleansing process the images stopped popping into my mind. They were forgotten. They no longer pollute this sacred relationship. So I was free (prison doors unlocked) to deepen that beautiful relationship with my spouse. I’m not saying this solves all marital sexual relationship issues. There are a few more things to consider to get that all nice and balanced out but we’ll save that discussion for another day…or another blog.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Even though VidAngel wasn't around when I was a kid, through the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ the Savior helped me filter out all the dirt so I can just remember the beautiful story. We see how VidAngel is kind of like our Savior in that way. No wonder the bad guys are trying to eliminate them. Go <a href="http://blog.vidangel.com/" target="_blank">VidAngel</a>: Please pray for them to win the lawsuit that is trying to force them to stop filtering the dirt out of movies for us! Also go to <a href="http://savefiltering.com/">savefiltering.com</a> and add your name to the petition. (Ignore the part about aunt Gretchen in the following video. That’s completely irrelevant! It shocks me every time I hear him saying my name. <i>Wait…what?</i>)</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Also, FYI, VidAngel had to shut down their movie rentals until the lawsuit is settled. Total Bummer. I guess it's guilty until proven innocent in this case. : (</span></div>
Gretchen Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08401206417850144051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3736244818041615267.post-41144155179173368232016-12-06T15:40:00.000-08:002021-07-05T08:52:03.365-07:00A Three Hour Tour<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip...[The] passengers set sail that day, </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>For a three hour tour, a THREE HOUR TOUR!"</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This last August I went to our family reunion in Aptos, California. That’s a little town just below Santa Cruz and Capitola and north of Monterey where, back in the day, my grandparents bought a beach cabin. Being raised in San Jose, CA, my siblings and I grew up going to the beach cabin pretty frequently. This was our second official family reunion since we’ve all grown up and had families of our own. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This time we decided that one of the activities would be a whale watching boat ride in Monterey Bay. I can’t remember whose idea it was originally but I am responsible for organizing the whole thing. Guilty as charged. So when I talked to the skipper on the phone, she told me that people often get sea sick and so we may want to come prepared with the appropriate anti-seasickness meds. I informed everyone of this possibility and also purchased the meds myself (pharmacist recommended), which turned out to be plenty for everyone who wanted to take them.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">When the day for the boat ride came, we all drove down to Monterey, parked, and walked along Fisherman's Wharf to get to the dock where all the boats were. Such a cool pier lined with restaurants that serve hot clam chowder and fresh baked bread as well as a bunch of other tourist shops. So far this was looking like a great idea! </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We paid for our 3 hour tour and then boarded the boat. All of us taking the meds, took them then. After much instructions, which included how and where to throw up, we were off. The first 30 minutes were fine. We were all out on the deck looking at the seals on the rocks and the shoreline getting further and further away. I was on the front deck with a lot of others from our group. We started getting splashed a little too much when the wind picked up. The waves became more choppy, which caused the boat to rock and roll a little too intensely. Everyone standing in the bow of the boat was instructed to go inside the cabin to reduce this effect. So we did. But most of us weren’t sitting there for longer than 2 minutes before we couldn’t handle it anymore. Nausea hit. We all headed out to the back deck, holding on to whatever we could because the boat was still rocking so much. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I stayed on the back deck for the rest of the ride. About 50% of our group got sick. Matthew and Laura (my son and daughter) threw up over the side of the boat. Matthew repeatedly. Chris (my other son) was fine. I was sick but I didn’t throw up, probably because of the meds. I think the meds were actually making me feel worse. I was cold too. We had stopped by Walmart on our way to Monterey and bought a few heavy sweatshirts because they said it would get pretty cold out on the water. I was standing in one spot on the deck near the side of the boat in a hooded sweatshirt, with the hood up. I was shaking pretty bad and trying to deal with the constant upchucking feeling. There was nothing I could do to make this trial go away. A few others were suffering but I couldn’t help them anymore than they could help me. There were two more hours left on the boat. I had no one to blame. I’m the one who planned the whole thing. I was in fact responsible but the cause was inexperience. I didn’t know how bad it would be. I didn’t even know if any of us would get sick. I was fine on Lake Powell boats but apparently not fine on this boat. </span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What was going on on the inside.</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I had no desire or inclination to blame it on anyone. Yet I couldn’t just exist in that terrible state without starting on some kind of conflict resolution process. My brother Will and all his kids were fine. He was walking all around the boat, changing places often. He suggested I try this as a resolution process. But moving just made it worse for me. So I just stood there shivering. But internally, spiritually I was actively reaching up to God in prayer. I told him I could do nothing to make my situation any better. I had two hours to endure and I was unable to do that on my own. I asked him to help me. I just focused my mind on him and stayed with him. I could feel him with me, comforting me. Tears were streaming down my face, not because of the pain, but because it was so apparent I wasn’t bearing this burden alone. I didn’t want anyone else to feel sorry for me so I tried to keep my face relatively hidden. I knew that the only sympathy that would make any real difference for me would be the Lord’s. Chris came over and put his arms around me for a bit. That was soooo sweet of him. I don’t know if it’s just me or if everyone is like this, but I needed my main line of support to come from inside me—from that place where I always feel the Lord’s presence. So even as my body was racked with so much turmoil, it was like I was somehow separated from it to a certain extent, standing outside of it, removed from it. Wave after wave of nausea was matched with wave after wave of this unbelievable love. A microcosm of peace and comfort in a macrocosm of stress and panic.</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What was going on on the outside.</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large;">It makes me love my Savior incredibly intensely when he saves me like that. I don’t often get myself into situations where there is nothing I can do to save myself but pray and reach for His atoning sacrifice in faith. At least I don’t often look at my conflicts like that. It was pretty much all grace and very little works. I usually am more than willing to do whatever I can when there are conflicts to be resolved. Perhaps I’m even imbalanced to that side—trying to do too much, putting all my efforts into figuring out how to actually get off the boat and out of the tough situation when faith in Christ while I have to endure the situation for a time is the answer.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We did see whales and other sea creatures. They were neat-o. But feeling like I did, I really didn’t care about any neat-o things. “Oh another whale. Nice. Okay, how long do we have left?” </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">When we finally got back to the dock, we all started feeling better immediately. We disembarked and headed for the car, but lo and behold, all the restaurants were giving taster cups of their clam chowder. So we bought a bread bowl of it and all my kids and I shared it as we explored the pier. Now that was neat-o! So warm after shivering for so long. We will never forget this adventure. I will never do it again.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So there are other conflicts that have arisen in my life that are similar to this. I find myself in situations over which I have no control. Maybe I’m the one who got myself into them in the first place. That’s usually the case. But most of the time I have had no idea it was going to turn into such a rocking and rolling upchucking experience. When I compare my experience on the 3 Hour Tour Whale Watching Boat Ride with these other experiences, I am able to more accurately identify how to resolve conflicts like these. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">First, I need to identify the source of comfort that is most powerful to me. This should be someone I trust and with whom I have developed a very close relationship. This is a person who knows me well and loves me so that He’s able to evaluate when I am not myself during a conflict. He knows I’m not always in a bad mood. He knows I don’t always respond to situations like I’m responding to this one. This is the person I go to unload all of my personal struggles, irritations, frustrations, and feelings of insecurity. I don’t take this relationship for granted by just using it as a place to dump. It’s usually a relationship of love, appreciation, admiration, attraction, respect, and Joy. So when I go through times when I have to wrinkle my nose, complain, and express how upset I am, He is well aware that the trial I’m going through must be very intense.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Second, if I do talk to others about the problem, I need to keep the communication objective. I talk to them in order to objectively resolve the conflict. But unfortunately, I don’t always keep it objective. On the boat, I knew there was no one else to whom I could go “to hear my soul’s complaint.” That was very plain. But when I have other life-conflicts, sometimes I try unloading on other people. Because I need their objective help to resolve the conflict, they are usually eager to help me deal with all of the emotional baggage I’m carrying as well. But the issue is, it ends up feeling like I’m violating someone else’s privacy when I do that. Often times it’s not a rocking and rolling boat that is making me feel like I want to puke. It’s a rocking and rolling relationship with another person.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So in order for my objective helpers to comfort me, I have to basically describe the cause of my conflict to them, which is the other person’s behavior and how it’s making me feel, how it’s making me react when I don’t want to react that way. I end up feeling like I have to justify why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling. It becomes a subjective analysis rather than an objective analysis. A blame game. A game of who is right and who is wrong. That just intensifies the conflict for me. I need someone who knows exactly what is going on behind the scenes because it is behind the scenes that I predominantly live. It is tempting to seek for comfort and support from others but just like on the boat, while I sincerely appreciate their support, it is never enough for me. I have to go to that one person I trust the most. He is the person I rely on above all others. Over an extended period of time I have developed a relationship with him that I have come to depend upon implicitly. I want to hear his opinions. I want his presence. I don’t want to do anything in my relationships with other people to make my relationship with Him rock and roll so that he would rather be anywhere else than with me. I don’t want him to be counting the minutes left before this whole Boat Ride Relationship with me will be over. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Oh, it’s so hard for me to give “just the facts!”</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“O wretched [wo]man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me. And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/4.17-19?lang=eng#16" target="_blank">2 Nephi 4:17-19</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The cool thing about trials is if I can just shut up and take it, let others evaluate me in Pride and Envy despite my sincere intentions to do good to them without turning and reviling again in Pride and Envy, and go to my Savior alone for my comfort and support, I will be able to feel his love in that intense amazing way that I did on the boat. And that love is more intense than what I experience when everything is hunky-dory.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"And now my beloved brethren, I would exhort you to have patience, and that ye bear with all manner of afflictions; that ye do not revile against those who do cast you out because of your exceeding poverty [or because of your reaction to whatever weaknesses and sins which do so easily beset you], lest ye become sinners like unto them; But that ye have patience, and bear with those afflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions." ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/34.40-41?lang=eng#39" target="_blank">Alma 34:40-41</a></i></span></div>
Gretchen Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08401206417850144051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3736244818041615267.post-4018806399517795982016-12-01T13:12:00.001-08:002018-08-17T09:14:11.326-07:00Why Children Need Their Agency to Grow<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: large;">Recently, I took care of a little 4-year-old girl for a couple of weeks. She’s the daughter of a young woman I taught in church, who is now 32 and a mom. She has been a close family friend since she was twelve years old. She and her daughter are staying with us for a few months until she gets back on her feet. In many ways, I feel like I’m playing the grandma role. My interactions with her are definitely more grandma in nature than the mom I used to be when I had kids that age. As I reflect upon the changes in my temperament and abilities, I'm coming to the conclusion that my younger motherhood years were training years. I was like an apprentice. Having seen the journey of a child from birth to young adulthood, I have a more complete perspective of the different stages she goes through. And that gives me greater faith when dealing with fleeting misbehaviors. I know the behaviors won't endure and I also know that my own response to them plays a huge role in my own ability to bear them as well as in teaching the child by example how parents paradoxically sacrifice for their children. After many years of being away from that very difficult training period in my life, I am thankful for the experience and personal guidance from my Savior which have given me greater understanding of the relationship between a parent and a child and the natural conflicts that arise.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I've always loved the scripture in Isaiah that describes the learning process as "precept upon precept, </span><span style="font-size: large;">line upon line, here a little, and there a little." Here is the exact scripture:</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Whom shall he teach knowledge? and whom shall he make to understand doctrine?...For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little." ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/isa/28.9-10?lang=eng#8" target="_blank">Isaiah 28:9-10</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">My own parents weren't always patience with me as a child. They had their own struggles and were still trying to work them out as do most parents. Consequently, patience was not one of my strengths upon entering my own parent-apprenticeship. However, because I wanted so badly to be patient, I turned to God and asked him to teach me how. He has answered my prayers. He taught me precept upon precept, line upon line, here a little, and there a little. Over the course of many years, I've had to learn how to be patient with myself, knowing He is being patient with me. Now that I am nearing the grandma years, I do indeed have more patience.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">In taking care of my friend's 4-year-old daughter, I’ve been watching myself to assess <i>the reason</i> I’m responding to her so patiently. I’ve noticed that I now have an overall rule governing my thoughts and actions to strive as much as possible to honor her agency - her right to choose for herself. There are a number of family/home/safety rules she must keep but if her choice to do something doesn’t break one of those rules, I allow her to continue doing it. While I'm in charge of her, if she doesn’t want to eat all her food, she doesn’t have to. If she doesn’t like something I give her, she doesn’t have to eat it. If she wants a band-aid or a piece of gum, why not? If she wants to sit on my lap, <i>hop on</i>. If she wants to get down and do something else, <i>off you go</i>. If she is curious about something in my office, if it is safe, let her see it and handle it. I answer her questions about it but don’t go overboard with the answer. I tell her what she wants to know. She determines how much that is. If she wants to use the Swiffer to help me sweep the floor, <i>go for it</i>. If she wants to take the mop from me and do it herself, <i>okay</i>. No reason to stifle the desire to clean when it’s actually there. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The following song emphasizes this governing rule to allow a child to make her own choices. The lyrics say, "This is your life. What 'cha gonna do?...The choices you make say what you are and who..." </span><span style="font-size: large;">Listen: "</span><a href="http://songsofredeeminglv.blogspot.com/2016/06/its-your-life-francesca-battistelli.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;">This is Your Life</span></a><span style="font-size: large;">" by Francesca Battistelli</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">When I honor a child's right to choose, I tell her </span><i style="font-size: x-large;">yes</i><span style="font-size: large;">. I let her make the choice. And when a child is given that choice often enough she senses the love in that. She may not be able to analyze it like I do, but she feels it. Every child knows that she has agency - the God-given gift to choose. I believe children learn to honor the rules we ask them to keep when we honor their agency rule as much as we can.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The movie <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Miracle_Worker_(2000_film)" target="_blank">Miracle Worker</a> by Walt Disney is a retelling of the Helen Keller story. Helen was born seeing and hearing but at 19 months old contracted an unknown illness later thought to be scarlet fever or meningitis which left her blind and deaf for the rest of her life. When Helen was 7 years old, Anne Sullivan was hired to teach and train her. Helen had acquired a number of bad habits because her parents, in their pity, had not set enough boundaries for her to enable Helen's relationships with her family to be compatible and sustainable. Anne first trained Helen to stop eating off of other people’s plates, eating with her hands, pinching, hitting, or hurting people when she wanted something, throwing things across the room, and collapsing on the floor screaming and kicking when she didn’t get her way. Anne was <b>just beginning</b> to get through to Helen. She was able to help Helen <b>stop</b> the tantrums and other undesirable behaviors but she hadn’t been able to fully teach her about her gift of agency. Helen’s father was satisfied with a more well-behaved, clean daughter. He wasn't interested in Helen's further progression, but Anne was. In the movie, Anne said to him, “<i>I taught Helen one thing. 'No.' Don't do this, don't do that. I wanted to teach her ‘yes’.</i>"</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">When children are habitually out of control, it’s difficult to honor their agency. Because of Helen’s disability, she had developed some pretty bad habits. Those had to be “treated” first in order for her agency to be fully honored. I believe this is why the scriptures tell us to repent first "for the kingdom of heaven is at hand". I see the kingdom of heaven being the Holy Ghost and the angels who stand ready to teach and train each of us. Like Helen, we cannot see or hear them, yet we can sense them. But we won't want to listen to them and indeed can't hear them until we repent of the behaviors we know do not lead to compatible sustainable relationships.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> "Repent ye: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand." ~ <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/3.2?lang=eng#1" target="_blank">Matthew 3:2</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">When I was caring for the 4-year-old girl one day, I made the mistake of giving her some kid-scissors to cut some string she was playing with. When I wasn’t looking, she snuck away and used them to cut her hair. While it wasn’t the end of the world that her bangs were a little shorter, I should probably have thought through some privileges a bit more before giving them. Children also have the tendency to take advantage of the agency we give them. They’re not doing it to spite us any more than we’re doing it to spite God when we take advantage of the agency he gives us. Most of us are just exploring our universe, seeing where the boundaries are, and seeing what happens when we make certain choices. We’re all a bunch of scientists.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I brought the scissor-event up to identify the boundaries of the agency rule. It’s not love if we give them too many choices. This was shown with Helen Keller's parents spoiling her out of pity. The wise parent <i>and grandparent</i> looks for the balance. We can be overly controlling with our rules and boundaries or we can be underly controlling. We find that middle ground through our own scientific experiments and the guidance of the Holy Ghost.</span></div>
Gretchen Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08401206417850144051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3736244818041615267.post-57318410447276338322016-11-23T16:58:00.000-08:002021-07-05T08:52:00.951-07:00Beautiful<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: large;">A few years ago I was increasing my focus on self-improvement. I was interested in becoming more beautiful to my Savior. Whenever I work on developing my talents I’m motivated by the desire to draw closer to Him. That’s the reason I want to be the best I can possibly be. I know “<i>sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven</i>” (“<a href="https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2014-10-4003-praise-to-the-man?lang=eng" target="_blank">Praise to the Man</a>”). If you read my blog regularly you know that for me sacrifice includes finding greater balance in my physical body, eliminating the fat, increasing the muscle mass and flexibility so that I am healthy and fit. It’s about disciplining my body against my natural woman's desires. Avoid junk food, treats, and overeating. Exercise within my zone consistently—not too little, but not too much either. Get enough water and rest. Keep the commitments I make. Take time every day to shower, get dressed, put on my make up, do my hair. Spend time studying the scriptures and then figuring out how to apply the principles I’m reading about to all my relationships. I know that in the past when I have consistently engaged in this sacrifice process I have become acutely aware of the presence of the Lord in my life. That’s what I want.</span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">“I believe when a woman chooses to have Christ at the center of her own heart, at the nucleus of her personal world, she brings the Lord into the core of her home and family, be it a family of one or a family of many.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2003/10/choose-ye-therefore-christ-the-lord?lang=eng" target="_blank">Anne C. Pingree</a></span></i><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“The unmarried woman [and the married woman!] careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit:” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/1-cor/7.34?lang=eng#33" target="_blank">1 Corinthians 7:34</a></i></span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">“This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/gal/5.16-17?lang=eng#15" target="_blank">Galations 5:16-17</a></span></i><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Looking Beyond the Mark</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">So I had been working on this and making pretty good progress. I was striving to keep these commitments daily. But never fails that whenever I up my sacrifice level, temptation conversely increases. I am tempted to look for other forms of evidence (besides the Mark--my proximity to the Lord) that things are really improving. I am tempted to compare myself to others to see how beautiful I’m really becoming. It’s almost unconscious. That year, when I was working on physical self-improvement, I was also working on spiritual self-improvement so I didn’t fully accept the temptations but it took me a little bit of time to identify them for what they were and then make an active decision to kick them out of my head. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I went to a women’s conference at BYU in Provo, Utah with my best friends from high school. Thousands of women come anally from all over to attend this event. As I was walking around campus, I could not help but notice there were so many beautiful women! “What the heck?” a voice in my head said. “It looks like you will never win.” I began to think I was nothing compared to these other women, both physically and spiritually. The tempter then pointed out other women to me who appeared to be presently losing the battle of the bulge or were further back in their journey in some other way and suggested that I compare myself to them to feel better about my results. All this was semi-unconscious. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“And [the devil] saith unto [Jesus], All these things will I give thee, if thou wilt fall down and worship me.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/4.9?lang=eng#8" target="_blank">Matthew 4:9</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“Please, my beloved brothers and sisters, we must stop comparing ourselves to others. We torture ourselves needlessly by competing and comparing. We falsely judge our self-worth by the things we do or don’t have and by the opinions of others. If we must compare, let us compare how we were in the past to how we are today—and even to how we want to be in the future. The only opinion of us that matters is what our Heavenly Father thinks of us. Please sincerely ask Him what He thinks of you. He will love and correct but never discourage us; that is Satan’s trick.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/10/am-i-good-enough-will-i-make-it?lang=eng" target="_blank">Elder J. Devn Cornish</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Resolving Conflicts</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">When I got home from the conference, I went for a long walk. I like to pray when I’m walking and discuss whatever I’m in conflict about with the Lord. The topic of this prayer was beauty and value. I could feel His censure for the comparison thoughts I had had. When I entertained them I felt more distant from him. I separated myself from the thoughts and asked him how I was supposed to be the best I could possibly be when it was evident that I was never going to be as beautiful as some women. Those were just the facts. Genetically I have been given certain limitations. I’m never going to be model-perfect. In short (no pun intended), I’m never going to be Miss America </span><span style="font-size: large;">no matter how balanced I can become</span><span style="font-size: large;">. Spiritually, we can all become beautiful like Christ because of his atonement but our community doesn't seem to value the quieter gifts of God, so why even try?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The answer I received was that beauty, in His eyes, wasn’t determined by my beauty <i>as it compared to some arbitrary standard</i>. He was not holding up Miss America or Miss High-powered Career Psychologist and expecting me to rival these women. But he did want me to continue striving for my personal physical and spiritual best. Seeking to become the spiritual master of my body is of God. Consistently living that way, as well as the results from that kind of living, please him. A healthy fit body and a clear and intelligent mind are good indicators that we are successfully caring and developing the talents God has given us. However, I understood that he wanted me to master my self-perception while I was working on developing my talents. I needed to face questions like: Did I play the pride and envy game? Did I only think I could be my best when I thought I was better than others? Was I motivated and conversely deflated by comparing my level of beauty and talent to others’?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The desire to know we are valuable is a good thing. Comparing myself to others to assess my value was where I was getting off track. Sister Julie B. Beck said it well in the following quote:</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“Good women always have a desire to know if they are succeeding. In a world where the measures of success are often distorted, it is important to seek appreciation and affirmation from proper sources. To paraphrase a list found in </i>Preach My Gospel<i>, we are doing well when we develop attributes of Christ and strive to obey His gospel with exactness. We are doing well when we seek to improve ourselves and do our best. We are doing well when we increase faith and personal righteousness, strengthen families and homes, and seek out and help others who are in need. We know we are successful if we live so that we qualify for, receive, and know how to follow the Spirit. When we have done our very best, we may still experience disappointments, but we will not be disappointed in ourselves. We can feel certain that the Lord is pleased when we feel the Spirit working through us. Peace, joy, and hope are available to those who measure success properly.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/04/and-upon-the-handmaids-in-those-days-will-i-pour-out-my-spirit?lang=eng" target="_blank">Julie B. Beck</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Two Kinds of Beauty</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">There are two kinds of beauty; balancing them is the key. The first is to fulfill my responsibility to take care of myself physically and spiritually. We nourish our talents and strengthen them. Spiritual balance is derived from striving for physical balance within my zone. The Lord lets us know when he is pleased with our results. When my awareness of his presence increases, I know he is pleased. My task after returning from the women's conference was to put my trust in that reward and form of validation. I needed to let go of the constant question in my mind: Am I good enough?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">He wanted me to stop the comparisons altogether, to remove myself from the picture, and focus on the beauty of others when I was with them. My own goals and results are judged separately from theirs. When I am among other people, it is not the time to think about myself, my beauty, my talents. It is time to forget myself and use those talents to love and uplift others. For example, when I read books by Jane Austen or Georgette Heyer, I love them! They are brilliant. I am so thankful for their existence. If they didn't develop the talents they did and share them with us, I would not have the joy of reading them. The same is true with Amy Grant and her music. I've been singing her songs (with her) in my kitchen, in the car, and on my walks for years. She has been such a source of strength for me. Her music has helped me through many tough times. I am so thankful for her! If I can love these women and admire their talents, can I not love other women of talent who I associate with more closely? </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">My responsibility is to let them know that I appreciate them. If they look beautiful, act beautiful, or demonstrate beautiful in any way, I am to praise it, be thankful for it, and admire it. When I do, I feel love for them. They actually become a <i>treat</i> for me to see, associate with, listen to, and evaluate. When love flows inside my heart, I feel the Savior’s presence at an intensity level that brings me joy.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/pgp/a-of-f/1.13?lang=eng#12" target="_blank">Article of Faith 13</a></i></span> <br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Timing and Accountability</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I evaluate my results privately with my Savior during our prayer meetings in which we review and report on our commitments. Value is assessed by the commitments I have kept compared to the commitments I have made. It is assessed by how much I’m actually implementing what I know to be true. It’s assessed by how much I’m receiving compared with how much I’m sacrificing. The more I sense the presence of the Lord in my daily life, the less I need to turn to other sources for my comfort and validation. Looking to conflicting sources for my validation is taking his name in vain. The more he is with me, the higher my level of accountability.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain: for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/deut/5.11?lang=eng#10" target="_blank">Deuteronomy 5:11</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“None of us will ever be 'good enough,' save through the merits and mercy of Jesus Christ, but because God respects our agency, we also cannot be saved without our trying. That is how the balance between grace and works works.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/10/am-i-good-enough-will-i-make-it?lang=eng" target="_blank">Elder J. Devn Cornish</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Opportunity Costs</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I realize that I can’t progress in the development of my spiritual and physical talents if I judge myself and others with pride and envy. I can't use this form of judgment to assess my value or motivate myself to be better. Judging like this prevents me from being able to love from my heart. Instead, I experience hatred for others. And when I hate, I don’t like myself very much. The Lord cannot be with me when I hate. Rather than develop my talents to higher levels, I would rather plateau and retain my charity—His presence. The challenge becomes stripping myself of all pride and envy thoughts, words, and actions, which are blocking my awareness of my true value.</span><br />
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Gretchen Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08401206417850144051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3736244818041615267.post-87100879427122555462016-11-15T12:49:00.000-08:002021-07-05T08:51:58.261-07:00I Hope You Dance<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: large;">For the past eleven years I’ve been studying Jesus Christ almost as if it were my full time job. It hasn’t been so focused on memorizing trivial details or figuring out the exact timeline of the events of his life. Neither has it been focused on proving that the Gospels sync up or other arguable facts. It’s been more about trying to figure out his character. I’ve wanted to know who it is that I say I worship. And I’ve wanted to know why and how he did the things he did.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">It’s been an amazing journey. The more I study him, the more I get him. I should say, the more <i>He</i> has allowed me to understand him. One of my favorite songs that I sing a lot in reference to how I feel about our Redeemer is “<a href="http://songsofredeeminglv.blogspot.com/2015/12/sinead-o-connor-nothing-compares-2u.html" target="_blank">Nothing Compares 2U</a>.” But I have found that I’ve been wrong about no one else comparing. Most do not but there are some who have some of his qualities and characteristics, thankfully!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Christ-like Characteristics</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">One of the side effects from my studies that I hadn't anticipated was that I notice his characteristics in other people, especially men. And when I do, something happens to my heart. It is involuntary. Observing people is voluntary but when I see a quality of Christ in them (which I confess is what I’m looking for), the rest is involuntary. I admire them. It pours out of my heart. Sometimes it’s more intense than others. I can’t help it. I don’t have expectations of any return admiration or love. In fact I prefer to quietly honor them and just figuratively shake my head and say in my head, “Wow! So amazingly beautiful!” It’s something I can’t really go up and tell them about because it is so powerful and, I believe, sacred. My hope is that it is somehow communicated to them spiritually and anonymously. At least that is what I pray for.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Sometimes I find the opportunity to communicate my opinion to them in an appropriate way. I do this because I know it’s hard to develop His characteristics. I want them to know they are definitely being noticed and are making a difference. Yet, I know they are not being that way to get noticed. “<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjPc8RVJ0Dc" target="_blank">That’s what makes you beautiful!</a>” If they were, it would kind of defeat the whole purpose. If I saw they were doing it just to 'be seen of men', my heart wouldn’t do anything. I admire when they use their strengths to help others because they sincerely care as Christ does for them. What my heart does is a confirmation, a validation. And I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one whose heart behaves in this way. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;">It works like this: If they really are what I think they are then they will feel what I and others feel for them. If they are not, then my projected admiration passes them by and goes directly to our Savior.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven. Therefore when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth: That thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/6.1-4?lang=eng#primary" target="_blank">Matthew 6:1-4</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/james/1.22?lang=eng#21" target="_blank">James 1:22</a></i></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Chris (rt) returning home, Aaron (lft) already returned, Matthew mission in progress now</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">RMs</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I’m finding that one group of people my heart is especially susceptible to is return missionaries. More often than not my heart does what it does when I observe one of them. When my own sons (the two oldest) came home from their missions, I was so impressed with them. They became men out there. And by that I mean men of God. Men of Christ. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“…arise from the dust, my sons, and be men” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/1.21?lang=eng#20" target="_blank">2 Nephi 1:21</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Our missionaries serving throughout the world are beautiful examples of those who are truly ambitious for Christ." </i>~Elder Kazuhiko Yamashita, "<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/10/be-ambitious-for-christ?lang=eng" target="_blank">Be Ambitious for Christ</a>"</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">There is something about a young man who sacrifices two years of his life to serve the Lord and help others. They have His image in their countenance. It’s this look in their eyes that is confident (not prideful!) and humble (not shameful!) at the same time. Their focus is outward on others, not on themselves, yet they are also open to receiving the blessings others have to offer.</span> <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“Have ye received his image in your countenances?” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/5.14?lang=eng#13" target="_blank">Alma 5:14</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large; text-align: center;">David Archuleta is a prime example of the type of young man I'm talking about. He had established a lucrative musical career at a young age but he decided to put that on hold while he served a mission. I've watched a few videos of him on his mission and since he's returned. He has continued to use his talent to bless others but somehow he has avoided being corrupted by the pride of the world. That in itself is one of the most beautiful feats I have ever seen.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Steadfastness</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I believe the cause of Christ's image being in the countenance of these young men is because of their sacrifice. They spend these two years forgetting their life, serving the Lord, and loving the people. They endure a lot of rejection and disappointment but line upon line, they learn how to stay steadfast in Christ and love through it all. When they sacrifice like that they become </span><span style="font-size: large;">beautiful. T</span><span style="font-size: large;">hey can't help it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">For our Savior, it didn’t matter what the scribes and Pharisees said or did to him. He just kept doing what his Father instructed him to do. This is one of my favorite qualities in him. One example of this is healing on the Sabbath. That act made the Jewish leadership very angry because they had created many detailed encumbering rules about keeping the Sabbath day holy which conflicted with God's laws. But he just kept doing it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Another example of standing steadfast is his common association with publicans and sinners, which the Jewish leadership didn’t like much either. They stayed away from such people and prided themselves on their self-exalted status. But our Savior continued his association with them anyway. It caused the higher ranking groups of his society to reject him, persecute him, and want to eliminate him. But he kept walking the pathway his Father laid out for him.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“Therefore, I would that ye should be steadfast and immovable, always abounding in good works, that Christ, the Lord God Omnipotent, may seal you his…” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/5.15?lang=eng#14" target="_blank">Mosiah 5:15</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">I Hope You Dance</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">My hope for my own sons and all of these other men of Christ who are getting home from their missions is that they won’t let that fire die out. I don’t want them to grow old and fat and boring and become spiritual dull slugs (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/11?lang=eng" target="_blank">#King Noah</a>). </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“Make the heart of this people fat, and make their ears heavy, and shut their eyes; lest they see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and understand with their heart, and convert, and be healed.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/isa/6.10?lang=eng#9" target="_blank">Isaiah 6:10</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This past week I've been listening to this song called, “<a href="http://songsofredeeminglv.blogspot.com/2016/03/i-hope-you-dance-lee-ann-womack.html" target="_blank">I Hope You Dance</a>” by LeeAnn Womack. That song pretty much sums up my hope for these boys/men (man-cubs). And I spin the lyrics “<i>I hope you dance</i>” to mean: I hope you will continue sacrificing, growing, and becoming more like Christ over time so that you can continue being the best thing ever for your (future) wives, children, and your communities. I hope you don’t involve yourself in anything that will stunt your growth. I hope you see repentance as a gift and an opportunity, not an accusation. I hope you will keep your balance in confidence and humility and always work to stay away from pride and envy. I hope you will maintain your allegiance to Christ when the going gets tough or when the going gets pretty boring, instead of turning to other things that could enslave you in the end. I hope you never lose sight of your mission goals even though you have to be concerned with making a living now and other temporal things.</span><span style="font-size: large;"> My prayers and my heart are with you. Stay beautiful!</span></div>
Gretchen Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08401206417850144051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3736244818041615267.post-9440652978584524422016-09-28T11:17:00.000-07:002021-07-05T08:51:55.357-07:00Time, Why You Punish Me?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>Like a wave crashing into the shore </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>You wash away my dreams. </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>Time, why you walk away? </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>Like a friend with somewhere to go </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>You left me crying</i></span><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>~Hootie & the Blowfish</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Most of us don’t have a problem with time when things are going well. If we are in a place with those we love and who love us and we're physically healthy, we’re good with letting time take as long as it wants. In fact we want times like these to go on forever.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The issue with time is when it is requiring us to sacrifice--to go without something we need or want. It is when we’re separated from those we love or are subject to being with people we don’t get along with. It’s when things aren’t going our way.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So the question is, “<i>Time, why you punish me?</i>”</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We all know the answer. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Elder Orson F. Whitney wrote: ‘All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, … purifies our hearts … and makes us more tender and charitable, … and it is through … toil and tribulation, that we gain the education … which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven.’ These purifying trials bring us to Christ, who can heal us and make us useful in the work of salvation.”</i> <i>~<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/what-shall-we-do?lang=eng&_r=1" target="_blank">Neill F. Marriott, “What Shall We Do?”</a> </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"We are all acquainted with other kinds of mortal opposition not caused by our personal sins, including illness, disability, and death. President Thomas S. Monson explained: Some of you may at times have cried out in your suffering, wondering why our Heavenly Father would allow you to go through whatever trials you are facing. …Our mortal life, however, was never meant to be easy or consistently pleasant. Our Heavenly Father…knows that we learn and grow and become refined through hard challenges, heartbreaking sorrows, and difficult choices. Each one of us experiences dark days when our loved ones pass away, painful times when our health is lost, feelings of being forsaken when those we love seem to have abandoned us. These and other trials present us with the real test of our ability to endure.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/opposition-in-all-things?lang=eng&_r=1" target="_blank">Elder Dallin H. Oaks, “Opposition in All Things”</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"In teaching the principle that mortal life can be agonizing but our hardships have eternal purpose—even if we do not understand it at the time—Elder Holland said, ‘You can have what you want, or you can have something better.’” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/i-am-a-child-of-god?lang=eng&_r=1" target="_blank">Elder Donald L. Hallstrom, “I Am a Child of God”</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"There are heartbreaks when circumstances are very different from what we had anticipated.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/i-am-a-child-of-god?lang=eng&_r=1" target="_blank">Elder Donald L. Hallstrom, “I Am a Child of God”</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">In order to learn, grow, and become absolutely beautiful we must endure adversity for a time. But the question of every intelligent being is, “<i>How long?</i>” Because we understand the above principle, we can and will endure adversity. We have no choice if we want what we want, except to give up what we want. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This learning and growing process is symbolized in the 2015 Cinderella movie when her fairy-god-mother turns her older dress that belonged to her mom into the new bright blue one. But we have to do more than just turn in circles while our “fairy-god-mother” does all the work. That’s a little too heavy on grace and not enough works. Yet the bright blue dress symbolizes what Cinderella was already doing throughout her life despite the adversity—“<i>Have courage and be kind.</i>” I mean who would Cinderella be without all the trials she was required to endure? What kind of princess and queen would she become if she had not learned to have courage and be kind when it seemed like all was lost? How would she have learned what true kindness was if she wasn’t tempted to give up these values when she was treated with unkindness or when she was experiencing pain?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">But how long do we have to endure the unkindness, the separation from loved ones, the hard times, the pain and sorrow, the longing, the needing? We know we can’t say when that time will end. We can’t say, “<i>I will only endure this adversity until next Spring and then I’m done.</i>” For some reason that doesn’t work in our relationship with God. He doesn’t like it. I bet it’s because it sounds like we’re demanding that he bless us and <b>when</b> he should bless us, as if he were our servant. I think it crosses over to an attitude of entitlement, which really isn’t synonymous with having courage and being kind. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">No, I think we have to give it all to our Heavenly Father. We say, “<i>Thy will be done.</i>” We can’t assume time “<i>ain’t no friend of mine.</i>” We can’t assume it’s just “<i>wasted time.</i>” How could having courage and being kind become a sustainable characteristic inside of us if we were the ones to decide when enough is enough? Is it something we’re just pretending to do or something we do when we’re sure of the reward? We have to be willing to do it in faith throughout incrementally tougher conditions that seem to suggest God has forsaken us. Conditions that suggest that we will never obtain those loving relationships or a healthy body that make us want time to go on forever. It’s not so much about what we’re going to receive, even though we surely will receive it.</span> <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/1-cor/2.9?lang=eng#8" target="_blank">1 Corinthians 2:9</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">It’s more about who we will become. Who do we want to become? What kind of person? And is there anything in the world—any kind of adversity or temptation that will convince us to change that goal? I mean, when the heat of adversity and temptation gets hot, will we turn into a selfish weasel that manipulates others or sneaks around behind closed doors inappropriately to get what we want? Will we stop having courage and being kind? Will we make our kindness dependent on the kindness of others? Will we say, “<i>I’ll be kind only if they are?</i>”</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you...For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/5.44-48?lang=eng#43" target="_blank">Matthew 5:44-48</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">But even though I know all this, I still want to know: “<i>Time, how long will you punish me?</i>” The answer I hear is: <i>As long as you hold on to this Desire of yours. Are you willing to endure through time to obtain it? Or will the waiting period be too much so that you are happier with a lesser Desire that won’t take as much time and thus adversity?</i> </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">For those of us who have already tried that lesser pathway, all we can basically say to our Savior is: “<a href="http://songsofredeeminglv.blogspot.com/2015/12/sinead-o-connor-nothing-compares-2u.html" target="_blank"><i>Nothing compares 2 U</i></a>” and “<i>To whom shall we go? Thou hast the words of eternal life</i>” (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/john/6.68?lang=eng#64" target="_blank">John 6:68</a>). “<i>After tasting of your fruit, every other Desire can’t seem to hold a candle. So I'm in for life...for eternity.</i>”</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Understandably, many have expressed that our Father’s promised blessings are just 'way too far away,' particularly when our lives are overflowing with challenges. But Amulek taught that 'this life is the time … to prepare to meet God.' It is not the time to receive all of our blessings. President Packer explained, ‘And they all lived happily ever after’ is never written into the second act. That line belongs in the third act, when the mysteries are solved and everything is put right.' However, a vision of our Father’s incredible promised blessings must be the central focus before our eyes every day—as well as an awareness 'of the multitude of his tender mercies' that we experience on a daily basis.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/10/worthy-of-our-promised-blessings?lang=eng&_r=1" target="_blank">Linda S. Reeves, “Worthy of Our Promised Blessings”</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I just think that second and third acts are about TIME. I don’t think I have to wait until I die for that third act to be the story of my life. That seems a little too heavy with grace. Just wait till I die and everything gets better. I know that's true for some unchangeable aspects of my <i>physical</i> health and other physical things, but I think I am continually going through <i>spiritual</i> first, second, and third acts incrementally, progressively. Mysteries are incrementally solved. Things are gradually being put right in my understanding as I keep striving, experiencing, and listening for guidance. I’m a firm believer that eternity is now as well as after we die and before we came to live here by the very definition of the word.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">In response to my "How long?" question, I hear the Lord saying to me as he did to Peter, “<i>If you love me, feed my sheep</i>” (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/john/21.15-17?lang=eng#14" target="_blank">John 21:15-17</a>) or as he said to all the people, “<i>If you love me keep my commandments</i>” (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/john/14.15?lang=eng#14" target="_blank">John 14:15</a>). Now paraphrasing: “<i>If you love me, love others. This is keeping my commandment. Love them even if they don’t love you first. Love them as if they were me. Have courage and be kind to everyone. Let that be your focus instead of focusing on when adversity will all come to an end. And I promise you, between me and them you will have the relationships that make you want time to go on forever.</i>”</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">That's definitely more directed towards us women so here's the same kind of symbolic transition of a man.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“Master, which is the great commandment in the law? Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/22.36-40?lang=eng#35" target="_blank">Matthew 22:36-40</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“Then said I: Lord, how long? And he said: Until the cities be wasted without inhabitant, and the houses without man, and the land be utterly desolate;” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/16.11?lang=eng#10" target="_blank">2 Nephi 16:11</a></i></span><br />
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Gretchen Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08401206417850144051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3736244818041615267.post-10946323055650867422016-09-21T06:49:00.003-07:002022-09-12T18:29:18.935-07:00Make Sure It's Voluntary<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: large;">I've been thinking a lot about how hard it is to maintain the voluntary nature of a sacrifice when the pain and suffering are mounting. To keep our hearts and our motives pure instead of flipping to selfishness and envy is so intensely difficult when the sacrifice we're making is bleeding the life out of us.</span> <br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Sacrifice & Adversity</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Just to be clear about what I mean when I use the word <i>sacrifice</i>: It is the expenditure of energy. When we physically work, we’re sacrificing the available energy in our body in order to accomplish a task. When we have to endure adversity of any kind, we also expend spiritual energy. We give up our peace. Sometimes we bring these sacrifices upon ourselves. Sometimes they are forced upon us. Bad things happen to us. They happen to really bad people and really good people and everyone in between. It’s how we respond to that adversity that makes us who we are. Do we submit to the burden that’s placed upon our shoulders and willingly expend that energy to resolve it the best we can because that was our voluntary agreement when we chose to come to this earth? Or do we fight against it and begrudge it because we don’t have any recollection that we agreed to endure adversity in order to receive all the other blessings this life would bring us?</span> <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"For behold, if a man being evil giveth a gift, he doeth it grudgingly; wherefore it is counted unto him the same as if he had retained the gift; wherefore he is counted evil before God." ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/moro/7.8?lang=eng#7" target="_blank">Moroni 7:8</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">The Atonement of Jesus Christ</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Voluntary Sacrifice is what Jesus Christ did. It is what he exemplified when he was faced with adversity. He wasn't hanging there on the cross hating everyone and feeling sorry for himself and thinking his lot in life was not fair. He wasn't contemplating revenge or escape. He was taking it willingly, assigning the cause to his Father, knowing the Father could release him at any time. Indeed, our Savior could have released <i>himself</i> at any time as was seen when he was the one who decided when it was finished and “<i>gave up the ghost.</i>” Inside, he was allowing all of this pain and suffering to happen to him without changing his love to hatred and bitterness. He remained steadfast in Voluntary Sacrifice.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"No man taketh it from me, but I lay it down of myself. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again. This commandment have I received of my Father." ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/john/10.18?lang=eng#17" target="_blank">John 10:18</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"After this, Jesus knowing that all things were now accomplished, that the scripture might be fulfilled, saith, I thirst. Now there was set a vessel full of vinegar: and they filled a sponge with vinegar, and put it upon hyssop, and put it to his mouth. When Jesus therefore had received the vinegar, he said, It is finished: and he bowed his head, and gave up the ghost." ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/john/19.28-30?lang=eng#27" target="_blank">John 19:28-30</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">In order to keep the sacrifice voluntary, we can only sacrifice within our Threshold or our Zone to do it. Beyond that, the <i>voluntary</i> ability of our heart ends. It <i>involuntarily</i> turns to fighting the sacrifice or making it a grudge sacrifice. And the only valuable sacrifice is one that is done under voluntary conditions. If it is not voluntary it does not create sustainable results on the side of the sufferer or on the side of those for whom the sacrifice is being done. Jesus Christ had the capacity to Voluntarily Sacrifice within his Threshold for all the rest of us, both physically and spiritually. I’m sure it took him to his very limits, but he did it. He accomplished the Atonement!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/john/16.33?lang=eng#32" target="_blank">John 16:33</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">All that is required of us is to sacrifice within our Threshold. Anything more or less than this does no good. Understanding these rules behind sacrifice enables me to understand better what Christ did for us. It astounds me but it's not beyond my comprehension. It's something I can comprehend because I have suffered to the extremes of my own Threshold. I know the voluntary/forced fight that goes on inside me. Sometimes I can’t keep it voluntary no matter what I do and my adversity is no where near what His was! This is why we can empathize with Christ and he with us.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities." ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/7.12?lang=eng#11" target="_blank">Alma 7:12</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">It’s Like Fitness </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I may not have the cardiorespiratory fitness that a marathon runner has. But I may feel the same discomfort and pain running a 5K, as a marathon runner would feel running a marathon. That’s because a 5K may be my present capacity. That’s what my body is trained to handle. It may be that I have certain genetic weaknesses or certain injuries that make it so a 5K is <i>just like</i> a marathon for me. The level of exertion I experience creates the intensity of the sacrifice. </span><span style="font-size: large;">I am aware of the battle that goes on between body and spirit when I get to the edge of my Threshold. I can feel the battle of my motivation—voluntary vs. forced. </span><span style="font-size: large;">I feel what Christ did when he was at the edge of his. I also feel what others feel when they are at the edge of theirs. </span><span style="font-size: large;">So I can empathize with them even if I haven’t gone through exactly what they are going through. It’s physics. Because I am weaker, I experience greater pain with less adversity. Because Christ is stronger, he would experience less pain with my same level of adversity, but similar pain with the level of adversity that would push him to his Threshold edge.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Training to Increase Our Threshold</span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCvOLJp_OuZZing0TQ4AGIq-kSwxQCJiChoOyu4nLMOqXlvMNFR5_qpcUVgE_scUS1yeB24cMlpb-8xkNC0dnmzZsJWGXnOH2I_iRQhmSz9oHLc9IY_E01_PYlDw33pavToVvcoEJNjlPA/s1600/Fitness+training.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCvOLJp_OuZZing0TQ4AGIq-kSwxQCJiChoOyu4nLMOqXlvMNFR5_qpcUVgE_scUS1yeB24cMlpb-8xkNC0dnmzZsJWGXnOH2I_iRQhmSz9oHLc9IY_E01_PYlDw33pavToVvcoEJNjlPA/s320/Fitness+training.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-size: large;">There is a balance in my cardiorespiratory and muscular Thresholds that need to be maintained and challenged but not overcome throughout the training process. If I take the time to be trained I can actually grow in my capacity. Maybe right now I can’t even run a 5K. But if I work up to it gradually and consistently, I will be able to do it. I will be able to handle more adversity without crossing out of my Threshold. My sacrifice will remain voluntary with greater intensities instead of turning into a grudge sacrifice.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I’ve had my Fitbit on for 20 days now. It tracks a lot of things including my resting heart rate (RHR). I’ve noticed this rate has incrementally dropped during the last 20 days as I exercise more consistently and intensely than what I was doing before. I also notice my exertion during exercise is decreasing correspondingly with my RHR so I can do more, move faster in less time and thus burn the same amount of calories as before in less time without running faster than I have strength. In the fitness world, this is called perceived exertion. It’s a great metaphor for how each of us have our own Threshold of sacrifice. Two people can be walking at the same exact pace but one of them might be working much harder, according to their perceived exertion, than the other. The factors that affect that difference in perception can be both physical and spiritual. So the goal is to work within our personal Threshold of perceived exertion. When we do that, we become stronger, faster, and able to bear a heavier sacrifice over time.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Sacrifice: Objective Value</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">What makes the marathon runner’s sacrifice greater than mine is the time he took to train verses the time I took to train, given we are both healthy individuals with the capacity to develop our cardiorespiratory systems and musculature to that level, without any genetic obstacles. If we both have the capacity to become marathon runners, and I have trained myself to be able to run a 5K, while he has trained himself to be able to run a marathon, it objectively would take a longer time to develop his body than it would mine. He would have been required to remain steadfast in his goal for a longer period of time than I would have. No giving up. So steadfastness in obeying his Trainer would have been one of his main qualities.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>Jehovah --</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"The covenant or proper name of the God of Israel. It denotes the 'Unchangeable One,' 'the eternal I AM'" ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bd/jehovah?lang=eng&letter=j" target="_blank">Bible Dictionary</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"I gave my back to the smiters, and my cheeks to them that plucked off the hair: I hid not my face from shame and spitting. For the Lord God will help me; therefore shall I not be confounded: therefore have I set my face like a flint, and I know that I shall not be ashamed." ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/isa/50.6-7?lang=eng#5" target="_blank">Isaiah 50:6-7</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Spiritual Fitness</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Just as there are physical 5Ks and marathons, there are spiritual 5Ks and marathons. A large portion of our society loves to get us to use Pride/Envy evaluations of our physical and spiritual fitness. They advocate comparing our fitness to another to assess personal value in Pride or Envy, not so we can use it to bless the lives of others. But that gets us no where. </span><span style="font-size: large;">In Christ’s world of Confidence/Humility, there are no Pride/Envy class distinctions. </span><span style="font-size: large;">If we want to develop our spiritual fitness level, we can. It all is dependent upon our DESIRE TO LOVE. Some people want to develop the capacity to run a spiritual 5K. They love at that level and are satisfied there. Others want to run spiritual marathons. That’s where they find their greatest balance. Those who want to run marathons have no business judging those who just want to run 5Ks. In fact, it is the 5K-ers who make up their spiritual marathon. They are what make their spiritual sacrifice more difficult. Spiritual marathon runners use their strength to love spiritual 5Kers or spiritual 1Kers in Confidence and Empathy and <b>NOT</b> Pride. Those who run 5Ks have no business judging those who want to run marathons. It is the marathoners who make it possible for them to run the distance/time of their choice. They use their Humility and Gratitude and <b>NOT</b> Envy to receive the help they need to accomplish their goals and resolve their conflicts from marathon runners. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">It’s so symbiotic because we both need each other. Neither of us would be able to experience Joy at the intensity level we desire if it weren’t for the other. Peace isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Too much of it leaves us in boredom, stagnancy, and depression. Ask anyone who has recently retired. Sacrificing our peace for others completes that peace and enables us to feel that amazing flow of energy that is Joy.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Too Much/Too Little</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">We not only have a Threshold for how hard we can work before it is too much, but we also have a Threshold for how easy we can work before it is too little. We all have to do something in order to obtain what we want and separate ourselves from the things we don't want. We can’t choose to run/walk at a rate that is beneath our capacity. We need to sacrifice to a certain degree in order to stay alive on this earth. Atrophy is real and it sets in when we under-do it just as much as Injury sets in when we overdo it. Likewise, we need to sacrifice above a certain Threshold in order to obtain and maintain Joy. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">It was Jesus Christ’s choice and mission to train and run the farthest distance in his allotted amount of time for his personal sacrifice so that each of us could voluntarily sacrifice at the level we personally are able AND also develop our Threshold capacity according to our Desires. He made it so the sacrifice could remain VOLUNTARY, instead of forced. That is the power of Attraction! Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, he enables us to retain our agency, love, and Joy through whatever adversity we are required to bear.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"And for this cause have I been lifted up; therefore, according to the power of the Father I will draw all men unto me, that they may be judged according to their works." ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/3-ne/27.15?lang=eng#14" target="_blank">3 Nephi 27:15</a></i></span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">"And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me." ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/john/12.32?lang=eng#31" target="_blank">John 12:32</a></span></i></div>
Gretchen Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08401206417850144051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3736244818041615267.post-62797314653440249372016-09-16T17:29:00.001-07:002021-07-05T08:51:49.300-07:00Life Is A Highway…So Say Geronimo!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: large;">Life is a highway but I don’t want to ride it all night long. Here’s why:</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">When I went on that road trip mentioned in the previous blog post, I dropped my son off at college and then headed south to visit my mom and stepdad. I was on the highway for a long time. I was envisioning my destination. I was sure my mom would have dinner ready, a nice cozy room for me to stay in, and it would be good to be out of the car. I was motivated to get there as efficiently as possible. That was my goal. I like to drive fast but I also <i>strive</i> to yield to the speed limit laws so when the sign says I can go 80, I want to go 80.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Listen: "<a href="http://songsofredeeminglv.blogspot.com/2016/09/life-is-highway-rascal-flatts.html" target="_blank">Life Is A Highway</a>" by Rascal Flatts</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Driving Obstacles</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The first obstacle between me and my final destination was the distance. I had to endure through the sacrifice of time, vigilance, and pressing on that gas peddle to be able to achieve my goal. Really not too bad of a sacrifice considering the efforts my predecessors made crossing the same distance. The second obstacle was to stay within the law—obey the speed limit as well as the other rules of the road, one of my favorite being: <i>Stay to the right except to pass.</i> The third obstacle was the other drivers on the road, all of whom had their own destinations and there own way of getting there. Some drove faster than me and thus over the speed limit and some drove slower than me and under the speed limit. Some of the slower drivers liked to stay in the fast lane even though they weren’t passing anyone. Some slower drivers liked to get in front of me just as I was about to pass a semi. And that kind of stuff happened over and over again. It wasn’t just a one time experience. And of course it happens repeatedly every time I take a road trip. I’m sure it’s the same for everyone else.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">These other drivers and their different ways of driving present multiple conflicts for me as I’m focused on my goal: getting to my final destination in the most efficient way possible. This is because I have another goal that is more important to me. It’s to maintain Charity. It’s to love others and do good to them, regardless of how they treat me. My commitment is to Paradoxical Living (see blog posts <a href="http://specialopsmoms.blogspot.com/2013/09/paradoxical-vs-survival-parenting.html" target="_blank">Paradoxical Parenting</a> and <a href="http://specialopsmoms.blogspot.com/2015/11/world-peace.html" target="_blank">World Peace</a>). So I wondered how I could maintain that commitment. And what were my motives for trying to keep this commitment on the highway when nobody I knew was around? </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">...Except God. He’s around and is the one I’m mostly concerned about so I somehow had to figure out how to deal appropriately with each little internal irritating conflict I was having. My goal above all sub-goals is to make my temple—my body and spirit—a sacred place where God himself would desire to dwell. Nourishing irritating feelings and persistent unkind thoughts spawns bad habits and creates an environment in me that he may not be so comfortable in. And without him there, life is not the same. So you see where my motivation to learn how to deal fairly and charitably with all these unknown drivers on the road (who I will probably never see again in my life) is coming from.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Every time I was caught behind a slow driver or was being tailed by someone going faster than the speed limit, I had a choice to make. I could allow the jerk in me to come out. That’s certainly the response that comes natural and easy to me in the moment. I could have manipulated whatever variables within my control to get in front of others. I could have tailed other people as close as I dared to communicate to them in a rude (and dangerous) way that I wanted them to get out of my way or that I didn’t like how they had done the same to me a minute ago. I could have a me-first mentality all the way from Colorado to Provo and then from Provo to St. George. I could have spread selfishness all the way across two states. I say spread because we all know what we are tempted to do when someone treats us with selfishness. It’s like a virus.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">If I choose the above action plan, I use this reasoning: <i>I have somewhere to go. I have to get there. I don’t like to be in the car longer than I have to be. These people are in my way. They don’t know how to drive. I do.</i> But the issue is, I’m a little too smart to get away with this reasoning. Or the Spirit that hangs out with me is. Never fails, if I am reasoning that I have somewhere to go, I immediately see that SO DO THE OTHER DRIVERS! So amazing, isn’t it? Everyone is on a journey to obtain their own goals. And somehow, someway we’ve got to put up with each other as we cross each other’s paths or travel along the same roads for a while.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Life is a Highway is a fun song but I think a song that better describes my Life-Highway experience is Geronimo by Sheppard.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Read on to see what I mean.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">What is Charity?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The other response I could have to the “other people on the road” is to maintain Charity towards them. This is about <i>not</i> tailing them when they are in front of me and going slower than the speed limit. It is about giving them plenty of space and waiting for them to move over when they get the chance. Usually they can’t move over anyway because a semi is in the way or it’s a two-lane highway. So what good is tailing them? And if they choose to get in front of me before I pass the semi, then let them. Slow down and remember they are on their journey too. Here is an opportunity to give them a hand. I’ll voluntarily break and allow them to go in front of me when their blinker comes on. I can do that. It’s just a small thing. Yeah, it is uncomfortable, but every effort makes me into a different person—someone who has the capacity to bear the weight of others’ goals AND/OR problems, ignorances, mistakes, selfishness, imbalances WITHOUT crumbling into selfishness myself. To be able to do this, I have to remember that this is my main goal, not the other. It means more to me than getting to my nice warm and cozy dinner, family, and bed. I don’t want to arrive at my destination having littered the road with unkind deeds and having a virulent irritation for all humanity sprouting up in my heart. What kind of reward would I be to my family when I finally got there if that was the way I got there? What kind of environment in my temple would I be making for God if I did that all the time?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“But [Jesus] answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/4.4?lang=eng#3" target="_blank">Matthew 4:4</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><b>Make this leap!</b></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">My real goal is about dealing with every conflict that comes my way with success. I stay in the Safe Place, meaning I don’t lose the Spirit. I assist other people to do that as well. If I’m rude to them, even if I think they’ve been rude to me first, I become a pawn of the adversary’s to tempt them out of the Safe Place. A lot of times we think people are being rude to us on purpose but they are sometimes just doing whatever they’re doing out of ignorance or innocence. And sometimes we get angry at ignorance. We call it negligence. That only spawns hatred of humanity, which ends with us becoming one of the humans we hate.</span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">"Wherefore, he has given a law; and where there is no law given there is no punishment; and where there is no punishment there is no condemnation; and where there is no condemnation the mercies of the Holy One of Israel have claim upon them, because of the atonement; for they are delivered by the power of him." ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/9.25?lang=eng#24">2 Nephi 9:25</a></span></i><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><b>Bombs away! Can you feel my love?</b></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">When I maintain Charity towards others who drive evidently selfish, it’s not that I have warm fuzzy loving feelings for them throughout the whole experience. I don’t. It hurts. It annoys. It is a workout for my heart to not respond in kind. I accept this workout. I know why I’m feeling this pain. I’m sacrificing for my fellow men in general. I know God understands it when I’m working through the irritation. In fact he's been there and probably quite a bit. He just doesn’t want me to give way to it, agree with it, nourish it, and act upon it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><b>Make this leap!</b></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Some people choose to reduce the intensity of this workout by making up excuses in their minds about why the other driver was so selfish. Maybe they are on the way to the hospital or some other emergency. Maybe they just didn’t know. Yeah, that helps to some degree and sometimes it’s true. But my intelligence does not allow me to trick myself into believing it is the case in every situation or even most situations. I know there are in existence many drivers who drive selfishly because they are selfish and they don’t give a crap about anyone else. I just can’t make myself believe that everyone of them has some kind of medical emergency or they have no idea what they are doing. So when I maintain Charity towards drivers like these the love I have for them comes from my actions. I will allow them to get in front of me. I will wait for them. I will be patient with them. I will not respond in kind. I won’t flip them off or ride on their tail or make ugly faces or shake my fist at them. I will remain patient. Under no circumstance will they see a trace of the struggle I’m having inside because of what they did. I will maintain my countenance so they have no idea what’s happening inside of me. Let's just be clear here: This is what I'm striving to achieve. Not what I have yet achieved.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Moreover when ye fast, be not, as the hypocrites, of a sad countenance: for they disfigure their faces, that they may appear unto men to fast. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But thou, when thou fastest, anoint thine head, and wash thy face; That thou appear not unto men to fast, but unto thy Father which is in secret: and thy Father, which seeth in secret, shall reward thee openly." ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/6.16-18?lang=eng#15" target="_blank">Matthew 6:16-18</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><b>Make this leap!</b></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">That’s how I love them. I’m not thinking, “Oh you poor soul, God loves you! Go in front of me. You are a wonderful human being.” No. I’m thinking, “I get it. I’ve been there too. Running late or just prefer to drive fast and thinking only of your own destination. Not there yet in being able to figure out that all of us around you want to get to our destination as efficiently as possible too. I’ll deal with this. I will not fan the flame of my irritation. I’ll just wait for it to pass through me. I hope you learn sometime soon that selfishness is not the best strategy to obtain what you want.”</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><b>Can you feel my love? Make this leap!</b></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">If I am forced to endure the lawless driving of another vehicle on the highway for extended periods of time after I have been patient, I objectively look for a way to get around them or away from them. I don’t do it to communicate how angry I am with them. I do it matter-of-factly. I am saying, “Go ahead and proceed the way you are if that is your way of driving, but I’m just going to go along my way too. Pass on the right. Bye!” Of course if they are way lawless and dangerous, I should report it to the highway patrol so this person doesn’t end up crashing into someone else. In other relationship scenarios, I could most likely open the communication channels up more fully before having to call in “the authorities.” Thankfully, since I’m keeping myself in the Safe Place instead of losing it, I can listen to the Holy Ghost to make that kind of discernment-decision.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">But we all know that we get into scenarios where we can do nothing to pass the person and are stuck behind them seemingly forever. In this case we have a greater degree of adversity to bear. Just objectively knowing this is a very difficult trial to endure gives me greater ability to deal with it. Fighting the natural man response process will only make me stronger. I turn to the Lord in faith. I plead for his help—to help me endure to the end of this trial and to help me get out of it soon. Then I just endure as long as is required because I trust he won’t allow things to try me past what is good for me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><b>“So say Geronimo!”</b></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Obviously these kinds of conflicts do indeed happen on the highway. But the metaphor is that life is a highway and the interactions we have with other drivers are symbolic of the interactions we have with everyone in our lives: our spouse, kids, relatives, friends, neighbors, community members, coworkers, etc. And while we all have a final destination to get to—our happiness and comfort with family and friends—bee-lining to it at the expense of others is not the best way to get there. Why? Because we’re being watched. God is watching us and all his holy angels. They are keeping a careful record. Our final-final destination is with all of them as well as our present family and friends. And the type of person we have become along life’s highways is the type of person we are at our final destination. Who do we want to live with there and who will want to live with us? </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I know my heaven is with people who have developed their Charity to a similar level that I have by doing what I’m struggling to do on life’s highway. And heaven is “<i>through the curtains of the waterfall!</i>” The kind of spirits that attend us now are the kind of people we will dwell with eternally. Even if no one on the highway sees or cares too much about how much I “<i><b>make this leap!</b></i>” for them, I know God sees it. I can feel his increased desire to dwell with me when he sees it. My family and friends feel the difference in their interactions with me. Perhaps if I can master this <i>Highway Charity</i> with the Savior’s help, I will eventually sing, “<i>Life is a highway and I [do] want to ride it all night long.</i>” If he’s going my way (or I’m going his), then yeah, I do “<i>want to drive it all night long.</i>” But for now...
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><b>“We can make this leap!…Through the curtains of the waterfall…So say Geronimo!…Bombs away…Can you feel my love?”</b></i></span>
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Gretchen Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08401206417850144051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3736244818041615267.post-30661364125677798992016-09-13T16:46:00.001-07:002022-09-12T17:52:09.294-07:00When the Kids Leave Home<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: large;">This summer I went on a road trip to take my youngest son Matthew to college. I felt so excited for him and this new adventure in his life. As each child leaves home my life changes too. A new adventure begins for me and for everyone else who is still home. It's strange but fascinating. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I don't dread my kids growing up and leaving home like some mothers do. I admire that kind of mother because she is conveying through those thoughts and feelings all the love she has for her children. I do have the sad moments after they leave when I'm walking through the halls of our home and feeling the empty room symbolizing that a stage in life has passed and will never return. I stay there for a time remembering and thinking about the past and the fact that it's over. Tears come. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">But I can't dwell on the sorrow of separation. There's no hope in that place. I choose to look to God and his plan for me and for my child to help me resolve the conflict this separation presents. I know separation from loved ones is part of his plan so I begin a study journey to learn how God would have me think of it. How would he have me spin this story? </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;">So this is what I did: I prayed about the issue, studied my scriptures and other good books, and made comparative observations of my own life experiences. </span><span style="font-size: large;">I learned to see the actual story like this: just because my son is moving out of my home doesn't mean he's moving out of my heart or my life. We're both embarking on a new facet of our relationship. A new opportunity to improve it, to deepen it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">When my first two sons left home to go to college or serve missions we began communicating via phone calls, texts, emails, and letters. They had to live with different people and work out the inevitable relationship conflicts. </span><span style="font-size: large;">No longer were these conflicts directly with me. </span><span style="font-size: large;">I moved back into the position of one of their valued confidants and counselors (because somewhere in their teenage years previous to this they moved me out of it). </span><span style="font-size: large;">They were free to make a greater degree of their own choices. I listened to their stories when they called and how they were handling the challenges that came their way. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I watched and listened. I was interested to see if they would follow what their father and I had taught them or if they would find a different way to accomplish their goals and resolve their conflicts. It has been fascinating to see what they choose. It enables me to observe which of all the things we have taught them have been most valuable to them.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;">In my nostalgia, I've been looking over the pictures of Matthew from baby to young adult and listening to music like this: "<a href="http://songsofredeeminglv.blogspot.com/2016/09/were-you-there-paul-cardall.html" target="_blank">Were You There?</a>" by Paul Cardall </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2ksFRujwvDuxEGJ1DfrCXkW0rFoRgNgwJDF9CFmjXF5AgZQzgSqqAPlkFac-2qnladmVXSABjlGtcU63kWkrssvqcoLIWdfBtJuKPYlIkReMh9-dloD4IWw-NO-xJJo7XWH2bxNIorczk/s1600/Matthew+Growth.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2ksFRujwvDuxEGJ1DfrCXkW0rFoRgNgwJDF9CFmjXF5AgZQzgSqqAPlkFac-2qnladmVXSABjlGtcU63kWkrssvqcoLIWdfBtJuKPYlIkReMh9-dloD4IWw-NO-xJJo7XWH2bxNIorczk/s400/Matthew+Growth.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Transitions or changes like kids leaving home for the first time are few and far between for a mom. Once you begin with a pregnancy, you're on that journey for a very long time. Eighteen years at least. There are smaller milestones that are passed along the way, but the final goal in this journey is not achieved until they move out. My hope is that by that time they are able to take on the responsibility to care for themselves. Eventually, they will learn to also care for a spouse and a family. My goal has been to train them to be individuals who can develop compatible and sustainable relationships. Their eternal happiness is more important to me than their continual presence in my home. What benefit is it to either of us if we reside in physical proximity to each other if the opportunity cost is sustainable joy? I view their need to leave home as the required journey to obtain that.</span><br />
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Gretchen Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08401206417850144051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3736244818041615267.post-84027067869819797412016-07-25T17:14:00.005-07:002022-07-15T07:19:10.176-07:00Are You an Eagle In a Chicken Coop?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZoDjNaKgV11vbaIH7Epy6Vg1NR4KxIpguQCPBnQkUMdK9Nm8OAokdggnqazyB5MXFVUZ3CC-k-y5QGMIHvri31MWVg9lzh1tEooBttduoc3kcntApZrVjECdOjbzINECB6G9VGeCVy-fb/s1600/Eagle.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZoDjNaKgV11vbaIH7Epy6Vg1NR4KxIpguQCPBnQkUMdK9Nm8OAokdggnqazyB5MXFVUZ3CC-k-y5QGMIHvri31MWVg9lzh1tEooBttduoc3kcntApZrVjECdOjbzINECB6G9VGeCVy-fb/s1600/Eagle.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">Whatever our personal Destiny, we can compare it to being an eagle that was born to soar through the skies. But what would happen to an eagle and its Destiny if it was raised as a chicken? Watch the following video to see.</span><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/cIFLSP9CkV4" width="420"></iframe>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfh_QolAEnJg9tvllC-bHQIQEl_y3Na-GVNry6mCmMXGdBEvJnfV6cWe4A5vq6GulqdG6hrBko5fi9dlHgiokWfOplixg9socJV4bH5QL-cLeH-fZUk30yltztsAC7563GJ34OE-u_1yNY/s1600/Mother+Gothel.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfh_QolAEnJg9tvllC-bHQIQEl_y3Na-GVNry6mCmMXGdBEvJnfV6cWe4A5vq6GulqdG6hrBko5fi9dlHgiokWfOplixg9socJV4bH5QL-cLeH-fZUk30yltztsAC7563GJ34OE-u_1yNY/s320/Mother+Gothel.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">We may end up in the chicken yard because of our own choices or because of the choices of others. Usually, it's a combination of both. Our caretaker may be like the kind old man in the video who only had good intentions or it may be someone more like Mother Gothel in the Disney movie <a href="http://movies.disney.com/tangled" target="_blank">Tangled</a>. </span>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK_nV3x68eWEA1n59_RmXvJBYc2yhinz_1yuGLyG6fXs9LtiSkPs2NrkjvSOz-N_rV5uu19qaNCiUquulGq0LRX6hKAhtXwhKZQAuEAUxMqE4gGRiuALnht2uKV-JTsYt8NtybE-OhJPLs/s1600/prison.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK_nV3x68eWEA1n59_RmXvJBYc2yhinz_1yuGLyG6fXs9LtiSkPs2NrkjvSOz-N_rV5uu19qaNCiUquulGq0LRX6hKAhtXwhKZQAuEAUxMqE4gGRiuALnht2uKV-JTsYt8NtybE-OhJPLs/s320/prison.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">When we develop numbed AND scattered Effect Sensors it's like being trapped in a chicken yard without any way to escape. And we may not even have a <i>desire</i> to escape because we have no recollection or idea that our life could be any better. When we have continuously chosen to ignore the guidance of Causes who want to assist us in becoming the eagle we were meant to be we also numb ourselves to their sustaining comfort. They are always there and always trying to help us get out of the chicken yard but we want to do things our own way, the way we have always done them. These choices cut us off from being able to sense Real Effects. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Our responsibility is to ‘receive’ that which our Father offers. ‘For unto him that receiveth it shall be given more abundantly, even power’: power to receive all that He can and will give us—now and eternally; power to become sons and daughters of God, to know ‘the powers of heaven,’ to speak in His name, and to receive ‘the power of [His] Spirit.’"</i> ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/the-power-of-godliness?lang=eng&tst=st1_cnt_s" target="_blank">Elder Kent F. Richards</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We scatter our Effect Sensors when we continuously go to multiple conflicting Causes for comfort and guidance without choosing one to remain allegiant to. Even as we refuse to listen to our eagle trainers, our ears are wide open to listen to all the other chickens in the coop.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxawhSOu6PB-TZCRj4wtUqTQywdrKt4gpFvPFEIJjAmOatSmK6nGOl34ZPR8hYSn3gC4z4MpPilePIkl25ZzBULtvJJ0By2T73SMhYh-ZrVhbQz8eR8uV_We1KRNtkTHe-1eX_7g1mQqKJ/s1600/Scattered3.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxawhSOu6PB-TZCRj4wtUqTQywdrKt4gpFvPFEIJjAmOatSmK6nGOl34ZPR8hYSn3gC4z4MpPilePIkl25ZzBULtvJJ0By2T73SMhYh-ZrVhbQz8eR8uV_We1KRNtkTHe-1eX_7g1mQqKJ/s320/Scattered3.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;"</i> ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/eph/4.14?lang=eng#13" target="_blank">Ephesians 4:14 </a></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears; And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables."</i> ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/2-tim/4.3-4?lang=eng#2" target="_blank">2 Timothy 4:3-4</a></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXzERND2WVUQYgzaDynwt3LL5tfDYktD4OPlwn_cGYTnAlUY-weUY6TSqbfhUb4QTeTzUl2JryH5CEdy_Yg0_bGjUqc26_qMCHHpdKxPe6munpO0NZdCE1wEqnCppzPyS2l7vFiSGfgQjZ/s1600/chicken+pecking+order.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="183" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXzERND2WVUQYgzaDynwt3LL5tfDYktD4OPlwn_cGYTnAlUY-weUY6TSqbfhUb4QTeTzUl2JryH5CEdy_Yg0_bGjUqc26_qMCHHpdKxPe6munpO0NZdCE1wEqnCppzPyS2l7vFiSGfgQjZ/s320/chicken+pecking+order.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">When we numb our Effect Sensors, we are left in a vulnerable state. We may have made it so we don't have to feel the trials and adversity of an eagle but more intense adversity is always on its way. With numbed Effect Sensors we're blind to it until it hits us. Pseudo forms of comfort and guidance have limited protection. When Adversity surmounts them we'll be left defenseless. That's when the fear sets in and we start scrambling for other Causes and their Effects like chickens fighting for food or pecking order. When confronted with this kind of challenge and we still don't return to God, we will be forced to rely on Causes that conflict with him, who have selfish pecking-order reasons for offering their support. Relying on selfish Causes for extended periods of time scatters our Effect Sensors and creates pecking-order chickens out of us. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCgrvdPnRv8LvTfjZMcpd8BGL0AQE06NBlbRQsFZpJgJN6QQgCZdNcw3Gg_UdrW-Asf597SCrg_nuh4ydMxO4tH4joY8XzLZHn1RIdYReWUNplpomkj1QRS_fn5XTN5ZzjpRwoeFACtpA9/s1600/eagle+flying.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCgrvdPnRv8LvTfjZMcpd8BGL0AQE06NBlbRQsFZpJgJN6QQgCZdNcw3Gg_UdrW-Asf597SCrg_nuh4ydMxO4tH4joY8XzLZHn1RIdYReWUNplpomkj1QRS_fn5XTN5ZzjpRwoeFACtpA9/s320/eagle+flying.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">When our Effect Sensors are both numbed and scattered we feel like we're trapped in the chicken yard and have no recollection of the sky and the mountains where eagles soar. We forget that we were born to fly. There's no way to break out...unless we repent.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzFJaBLkMutYIzXRW4efFk7USBT4Y-x60qTDvo8umx2RDA_vECQdp6JA9CZa5lisz73e68AUaG2rCBPmVrkCahGIA-9XAQ9B_w5tFv_LF-YJzE4iqn2LC5y2uojyVgt56UCasg0-J4NuXg/s1600/Bondage+breaker+2.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzFJaBLkMutYIzXRW4efFk7USBT4Y-x60qTDvo8umx2RDA_vECQdp6JA9CZa5lisz73e68AUaG2rCBPmVrkCahGIA-9XAQ9B_w5tFv_LF-YJzE4iqn2LC5y2uojyVgt56UCasg0-J4NuXg/s320/Bondage+breaker+2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Therefore I command you to repent—repent, lest I
smite you by the rod of my mouth, and by my wrath, and by my anger, and
your sufferings be sore—how sore you know not, how exquisite you know
not, yea, how hard to bear you know not. For behold, I, God, have
suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would
repent; But if they would not repent they must suffer even as I;" <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/19.15-17?lang=eng#14" target="_blank">D&C 19:15-17</a></i></span> </span></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"The captive exile hasteneth, that he may be loosed, and that he should not die in the pit, nor that his bread should fail."</i> ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/8.14?lang=eng#13" target="_blank">2 Nephi 8:14</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Shall the prey be taken from the mighty, or the lawful captive delivered?"</i> ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/isa/49.24?lang=eng#23" target="_blank">Isaiah 49:24</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"As I
pondered the history of Dresden [a city in Germany completely ruined by bombing in World War II] and marveled at the ingenuity and
resolve of those who restored what had been so completely destroyed, I
felt the sweet influence of the Holy Spirit. Surely, I thought, if man
can take the ruins, rubble, and remains of a broken city and rebuild an
awe-inspiring structure that rises toward the heavens, how much more
capable is our Almighty Father to restore His children who have fallen,
struggled, or become lost?"</i> </span><span style="font-size: large;">~<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/he-will-place-you-on-his-shoulders-and-carry-you-home?lang=eng&tst=st1_cnt_s" target="_blank">President Dieter F. Uchtdorf</a> </span>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuNSWCVfEsF-WZKV66ndp9syPw3ch55ra2pRZ8kMtqf_IioW4gl9YQ1DRg0ey8pO5ne6GlJOojcY90VKbleBMzPr_wrjEoMWTa6G0ol60JfAFQmnKNHUVzO52ntLITbPfsEVftxJz6Znvb/s1600/repentance.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuNSWCVfEsF-WZKV66ndp9syPw3ch55ra2pRZ8kMtqf_IioW4gl9YQ1DRg0ey8pO5ne6GlJOojcY90VKbleBMzPr_wrjEoMWTa6G0ol60JfAFQmnKNHUVzO52ntLITbPfsEVftxJz6Znvb/s320/repentance.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Repentance</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Now I know that the word <i>repent</i> has a negative connotation in the chicken yard because it is assumed that if someone tells us we need to do it, they are accusing us of sinning. This was the case in a story from the Book of Mormon when a missionary named Aaron was trying to teach a group of dissenters about Jesus Christ and his Atonement. The following scripture verse is the dissenter's response to Aaron's invitation to repentance (his invitation to become the eagle he was meant to be). So even as he sits in the chicken yard trying to maintain his pecking order, he says:</span>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZ-kcT6tBUy2ldY7quKnToFZ_xsUxWwreQX_hfvQqT3y3mDVl3vMW3ANy9f669CI68FHXhOIT6fhADrTmC22Ko7ExJoj3lZN8Bz-1Q9klCaGbGVHUbWC-ERRktrzHu-MiVhs4uke8R_nq5/s1600/Pride.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZ-kcT6tBUy2ldY7quKnToFZ_xsUxWwreQX_hfvQqT3y3mDVl3vMW3ANy9f669CI68FHXhOIT6fhADrTmC22Ko7ExJoj3lZN8Bz-1Q9klCaGbGVHUbWC-ERRktrzHu-MiVhs4uke8R_nq5/s320/Pride.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Thou also sayest, except we repent we shall perish. How knowest thou the thought and intent of our hearts? How knowest thou that we have cause to repent? How knowest thou that we are not a righteous people? Behold, we have built sanctuaries, and we do assemble ourselves together to worship God. We do believe that God will save all men."</i> ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/21.6?lang=eng#5" target="_blank">Alma 21:6</a></span>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMRzL-QsRERLOJDB0hjDg-ddYWbAHANscliTSSRGD8hUEhxEnBReb8Bm6c-QdIRiJmaxqAKGEj5oGeKwR33UnVn47LlmWIy7kgtGEei3QsS7fLKlob0BVeP07DYsE_fjoYoR3YYnLETyLE/s1600/Humility2.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMRzL-QsRERLOJDB0hjDg-ddYWbAHANscliTSSRGD8hUEhxEnBReb8Bm6c-QdIRiJmaxqAKGEj5oGeKwR33UnVn47LlmWIy7kgtGEei3QsS7fLKlob0BVeP07DYsE_fjoYoR3YYnLETyLE/s320/Humility2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">The issue is all of us who know better have the need to repent continuously. It's part of learning how to fly. We're always drifting to one side or the other of the balance of purity. That's a fact. </span><span style="font-size: large;">Repentance is good news! It's how we can break out of the chicken yard. It's the means by which we get out of the pecking order game the world and its Conflicting Causes are playing.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"And thus mercy can satisfy the demands of justice, and encircles them in the arms of safety, while he that exercises no faith unto repentance is exposed to the whole law of the demands of justice; therefore only unto him that has faith unto repentance is brought about the great and eternal plan of redemption."</i> ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/34.16?lang=eng#15" target="_blank">Alma 34:16 </a></span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">"May we
choose to build up within ourselves a great and powerful faith which
will be our most effective defense against the designs of the
adversary—a real faith, the kind of faith which will sustain us and will
bolster our desire to choose the right. Without such faith, we go
nowhere. With it, we can accomplish our goals." ~</span></i><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/choices?lang=eng&tst=st1_cnt_s" target="_blank">President Thomas S. Monson</a></span>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhX6ZPNWpKc_iEFG5mOcvbMRG7yTCrG6oOWz-EoSqZRSY-0M6anPiIepdTWjvlqbk24BQxZ87ggLIsjoF88ShoU_RY4JtKYR7msVh62sWBpZgAuZcSkhlFAtnwyU__idTT2Jb2qt77Hx7yg/s1600/mistakes.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhX6ZPNWpKc_iEFG5mOcvbMRG7yTCrG6oOWz-EoSqZRSY-0M6anPiIepdTWjvlqbk24BQxZ87ggLIsjoF88ShoU_RY4JtKYR7msVh62sWBpZgAuZcSkhlFAtnwyU__idTT2Jb2qt77Hx7yg/s320/mistakes.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Sin</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The word <i>sin</i> also carries a negative connotation in the chicken yard. If we can think of sin as the <i>mistakes</i> of a repentant person, we can get around all the Toxic Shame and Blame of the pecking chicken society. If we recognize what we have been doing wrong--what hasn't been working for us, and seek to rectify the situation, the sin becomes a past mistake. If we deliberately continue doing what's wrong and seek to justify ourselves in it, it remains a sin. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We're all just trying to learn how to fly. We're not going to be doing it perfectly right now. That means there are some things that, even as we speak, we can improve upon. Imagine that! Fearing to admit we're wrong (when we are), or admitting that we still have some things to learn, because we think it reflects on our worth is a dead end street. </span></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-size: large;">Viewing the situation objectively is the key. Dynamically being willing to be corrected where needed and holding steadfast where needed is the secret to the eagle's flight. And it's about having the desire to continuously improve our technique while we still have a chance, instead of sitting back at the top of the pecking order in the chicken yard and thinking we've already gained all the knowledge and abilities possible to gain. Maybe we have come a long way from the egg-hood, but that doesn't mean we've come all the way. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji12Z0KU8T_WXzbTTNpsWoHvpBVPDciF8PBhkAuNY8PNXLLOV3MVw-ilPK2BvERPCep8oAi1AiPnTnKRm1ZhyhF35SJV3UOKeTAQ1FJUn8yyyjZsQCHji1MEYoYlpkM9rv9m9LSXuc0yBe/s1600/pathways4a.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="216" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji12Z0KU8T_WXzbTTNpsWoHvpBVPDciF8PBhkAuNY8PNXLLOV3MVw-ilPK2BvERPCep8oAi1AiPnTnKRm1ZhyhF35SJV3UOKeTAQ1FJUn8yyyjZsQCHji1MEYoYlpkM9rv9m9LSXuc0yBe/s320/pathways4a.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-size: large;"><i>"However
far we may wander from the path, the Savior invites us to return and
walk with Him. This invitation to walk with Jesus Christ is an
invitation to accompany Him to Gethsemane and from Gethsemane to Calvary
and from Calvary to the Garden Tomb. It is an invitation to observe and
apply His great atoning sacrifice, whose reach is as individual as it
is infinite. It is an invitation to repent, to draw upon His cleansing
power, and to grasp His loving, outstretched arms. It is an invitation
to be at peace."</i><span style="font-size: large;"> ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/he-will-place-you-on-his-shoulders-and-carry-you-home?lang=eng&tst=st1_cnt_s" target="_blank">He Will Place You on His Shoulders and Carry You Home</a> by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Adversity</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Often times the reason we're spending our time pecking around the chicken yard and getting into chicken fights is because of the Adversity we have experienced. Adversity can come from someone else pecking us to smithereens or it can come from random adverse circumstances. While Adversity comes and indeed has the potential to cause us to respond like angry defensive chickens, there is a space between stimulus and response for eagles. We don't have to peck back. That does not mean that whoever or whatever is causing the Adversity is justified. They may or may not be. It just means that <b><i>because of</i></b> the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we have the choice to soar regardless of what is done to us. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"When trust is betrayed, dreams shattered, hearts broken and broken again, when we want justice and need mercy, when our fists clench and our tears flow, when we need to know what to hold onto and what to let go of, we can always remember Him. Life is not as cruel as it can sometimes seem. His infinite compassion can help us find our way, truth, and life."</i> ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/always-remember-him?lang=eng" target="_blank">Elder Gerrit W. Gong</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"God rarely infringes on the agency of any of His children by intervening against some for the relief of others. But He does ease the burdens of our afflictions and strengthen us to bear them, as He did for Alma’s people in the land of Helam (see Mosiah 24:13–15)...Through all mortal opposition, we have God’s assurance that He will “consecrate [our] afflictions for [our] gain” (2 Nephi 2:2)."</i> ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/opposition-in-all-things?lang=eng&tst=st1_cnt_s" target="_blank">Elder Dallin H. Oaks</a> </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We can become the eagle we were meant to be. We can achieve our Destiny if we remain allegiant to our eagle trainer instead of defecting to Conflicting Chicken-Yard Pecking-Order Causes when the going gets tough. It is up to us to keep our Effect Sensors sensitive to that trainer. If we've developed numbed or scattered Effect Sensors, we have the option to repent because of our Savior Jesus Christ. We have the option.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"And now remember, remember, my brethren, that whosoever perisheth, perisheth unto himself; and whosoever doeth iniquity, doeth it unto himself; for behold, ye are free; ye are permitted to act for yourselves; for behold, God hath given unto you a knowledge and he hath made you free. He hath given unto you that ye might know good from evil, and he hath given unto you that ye might choose life or death; and ye can do good and be restored unto that which is good, or have that which is good restored unto you; or ye can do evil, and have that which is evil restored unto you."</i> ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/hel/14.30-31#29" target="_blank">Helaman 14:30-31</a></span>
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Gretchen Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08401206417850144051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3736244818041615267.post-54220436055640565432016-07-13T14:59:00.002-07:002022-07-15T07:56:45.536-07:00Eternal Tapestry<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: large;">In the last few blog posts I've focused on our Destiny and the conflict of not knowing our Destiny. We may have an overall destination and plan for our lives or we may not. We most likely have a general idea but are still working out the specific details. I call these specific details our Inherent Desires. They are the threads of a tapestry that form the complete picture of our Destiny. I mentioned that we also have Desires that conflict with our Destiny. They sidetrack us. But discerning which Desires are distractions and which ones are apart of our Destiny is hard. It takes time and experience to figure it all out.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">If you're presently all tied up in knots about a decision you have to make, this blog post might be helpful to read. In the post I focus on why we have Conflicting Desires and how we affect our ability to sense our Destiny and weave our Eternal Tapestry when we don't use our agency to make a choice between them.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgl9S2Kdji869XH_l49i5jsNXlpzupEqfwxy3sg1dVW7JP9KGwhfMDdp4Gx5H6LpEPLanrlIpruSBh4ev710xy35fblcE9ZFreWMxWciDJspHXG8xREgEe0ezbrNpFpvHSzrmZGwczmPd-R/s1600/fish+bait+hook.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="207" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgl9S2Kdji869XH_l49i5jsNXlpzupEqfwxy3sg1dVW7JP9KGwhfMDdp4Gx5H6LpEPLanrlIpruSBh4ev710xy35fblcE9ZFreWMxWciDJspHXG8xREgEe0ezbrNpFpvHSzrmZGwczmPd-R/s320/fish+bait+hook.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: red;">Pseudo Desires</span> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">In the Desire Obtainment Process, the goal is to identify our Inherent Desires and ignore or let go of every Desire that conflicts with them. Desires that get in the way</span><span style="font-size: large;"> of obtaining these are Conflicting Desires. The types of Desires that usually get in the way are the kind that tempt us in the beginning but enslave us in the end. They are adulterated versions of our Inherent Desire. They mock it similar to how bait on the end of a fishing hook mocks the real food a fish would eat. When we obtain these mock or <i>Pseudo Desires</i>, we also obtain a hook in our mouth. In the beginning this Desire may have seemed like a windfall but over time things get worse and worse. Pseudo Desires result in addictions to substances. They result in bondage-like relationships with Conflicting Causes. These addictions and conflicting relationships decrease our life-expectancy and interfere with the healthy relationships we need to build to obtain Sustainable Joy. They rewrite the code of our Destiny so that we are blinded to our real one. Desires, when they are inherent, end in balanced relationships that are sustainable where all members give and receive continuously to everyone’s satisfaction.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">A Pseudo Desire is like the Maka-Fekes described in the following video.</span>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"The adversary offers counterfeit solutions that may appear to provide
answers but take us even further from the peace we seek. He offers a
mirage that has the appearance of legitimacy and safety but ultimately,
like the great and spacious building, will collapse, destroying all who
seek peace within its walls."</i> </span><span style="font-size: large;">~<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/a-pattern-for-peace?lang=eng&tst=st1_cnt_s">A Pattern For Peace</a> by Bishop W. Christopher Waddell</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Here on earth, however, our thoughts and actions become encumbered with that which is corrupt, unholy, and impure. The dust and filth of the world stain our souls, making it difficult to recognize and remember our birthright and purpose."</i> ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/he-will-place-you-on-his-shoulders-and-carry-you-home?lang=eng&tst=st1_cnt_s" target="_blank">He Will Place You on His Shoulders and Carry You Home</a> by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“And Jacob sod pottage: and Esau came from the field, and he was faint: And Esau said to Jacob, Feed me, I pray thee, with that same red pottage; for I am faint…And Jacob said, Sell me this day thy birthright. And Esau said, Behold, I am at the point to die: and what profit shall this birthright do to me? And Jacob said, Swear to me this day; and he sware unto him: and he sold his birthright unto Jacob. Then Jacob gave Esau bread and pottage of lentiles; and he did eat and drink, and rose up, and went his way: thus Esau despised his birthright.”</i> ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/gen/25.29-34?lang=eng#28" target="_blank">Genesis 25:29-34</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“Which of us would sell his birthright for a mess of pottage? Isn’t it advisable that we direct to our own selves the question raised by the Savior: ‘… what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?’” </i>~<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1973/10/what-will-a-man-give?lang=eng" target="_blank">What Will a Man Give</a> by Mark E. Petersen</span><br />
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<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">Satisfaction Level</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">We have the responsibility to choose between Desires to determine which are inherent to us and which Maka-Fekes. It’s not black and white. There are good, better, and best Desires. That means that many Desires may fall somewhere between completely satisfying and not satisfying at all. It's up to us to tell our Heavenly Father through prayer, thought, and action which of all the Desires out there satisfy us. And I don't mean satisfactory--mediocre, average. I mean satisfying, complete, fulfilling. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">True conversion to a moral way of life happens when we identify our Inherent Desire and a Cause that enables us to achieve it through the balance of his grace and our works. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Listen: <a href="http://songsofredeeminglv.blogspot.com/2016/05/tangled-something-that-i-want-hd.html" target="_blank">Something That I Want</a> by Grace Potter from the motion picture <i>Tangled</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>I remember a time in my life when I was trying to identify an important part of my Destiny, an Inherent Desire that meant everything to me. I had been back and forth in trying to decide what was possible and right and what was not. Looking back on the few months prior to that, which were recorded in my journal, I saw that my Cause--the Lord--was trying to convince me that what I really wanted was possible and even part of my Eternal Tapestry but I couldn't believe it. Finally, a day came that was a major turning point in my life. I realized I had explored all other possibilities as far as I could and saw that none were ever going to work out. </i></span><span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="font-size: large;"><i>It was like the sun had been gradually coming up behind the mountain for a long time. Hints of its existence had been beaming through its morning rays. Then suddenly, I saw the first golden arc of the sun itself rising above the peaks and </i></span>was convinced.</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>The only possibility left to me was this one seemingly impossible road. So I took it. I leaped in faith and said I believe this is possible. Again, I had been back and forth and back and forth but something finally changed in me that basically enabled me to cross the threshold between faith and knowledge. The Effects I experienced upon making that choice were deep and powerful. They were similar to how I felt when I had other spiritual experiences that testified of known truths. And that's when I knew this pathway was the right pathway. It was the only way I knew. When I thought of this Inherent Desire and listened to the above song (Something That I Want), I was on fire with light. I was motivated like never before to do good and love others even in the face of the adversity that would be mine as a result of choosing this pathway.</i> </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: red;">Adversity Level</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Desires can also be conflicting to different degrees. They may be just a little bit conflicting or a lot conflicting. To continue the fishing bait and hook analogy, we may end up with a cut lip when we get tangled up with a Desire, which causes us to experience a degree of short-term adversity. Or we may end up in the frying pan, which causes us to experience an extreme degree of long-term adversity. But the catch is that all of our Desires require us to experience some conflict throughout the Desire Obtainment Process in order to obtain them. That's sacrifice. Anything worth anything is going to cost us something. But we need to ask ourselves, "<i>Is this Desire worth this sacrifice? In the end, will this Desire leave me destitute or will it be Sustainable?</i>" When it comes to our Eternal Tapestry we're looking to develop sustainable relationships. We don't want short-term fixes that will never last. We're trying to work out our salvation here--our retirement, our eternal life. The only way we can do that is if we keep our Effect Sensors sharp to the Effects of our God.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Not all Conflicting Desires are Maka-Fekes. We can have a conflict between two Desires that are both good. In fact, sometimes both are so close to our Inherent Desire according to our Effect Sensor readings that we are in a serious conundrum. Sometimes the Resolution Process is just about making a choice between them after studying both options the best we can and then leaping in faith. It is possible that both could return Sustainable Joy to the satisfaction level of everyone involved. The problem is that if we don’t make a choice between them, neither of them will return it in the end.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">There are two reasons that Conflicting Desires exist:</span></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">• The Fall</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">• Scattered Effect Sensors</span></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
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<span style="color: orange;"><span style="font-size: large;">The First Reason: The Fall</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The first reason that Conflicting Desires exist is the Fall. With it came opposition. Opposition gives us different Desires to choose from. Having different Desires to choose from enables us to state loud and clear who we are. We're able to test different ones out and assess what we think of them. There are good and bad ones. There are better and best ones. And remember, it's not all about what we receive, it's also about what and how we give. Giving Desires a test drive is about seeing how we feel about the balance of those two Processes--giving and receiving for that Specific Desire. How do we like having <i>both</i> those responsibilities and those privileges?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">In our choices, sometimes we make mistakes and experience lots of grief. But because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, those mistakes don't have to be permanent. The Atonement enables us to learn from our mistakes instead of being condemned by them. In fact, we are <i>supposed</i> to test different things out, while not taking advantage of this blessing, so that we can determine the Joy from the Sorrow, the good from the evil, and the Inherent Desire from the Pseudo Desire. We communicate to God what exactly we need in combination with what we’re willing to do to be happy. So thankfully, we do have the Fall AND the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Because of this remarkable situation that we are in and the remarkable gift of our Savior, we have this space and time to make up our minds.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"To be tested, we must have the agency to choose between alternatives. To provide alternatives on which to exercise our agency, we must have opposition."</i> ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/opposition-in-all-things?lang=eng&tst=st1_cnt_s" target="_blank">Elder Dallin H. Oaks</a> </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, my firstborn in the wilderness, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad. Wherefore, all things must needs be a compound in one; wherefore, if it should be one body it must needs remain as dead, having no life neither death, nor corruption nor incorruption, happiness nor misery, neither sense nor insensibility." ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/2.11?lang=eng#10" target="_blank">2 Nephi 2:11</a></i></span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">"Although it is imperative that we choose wisely, there are times when we will make foolish choices. The gift of repentance, provided by our Savior, enables us to correct our course settings, that we might return to the path which will lead us to that celestial glory we seek."</span></i>~<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/choices?lang=eng&tst=st1_cnt_s" target="_blank">Choices</a> by President Thomas S. Monson</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain."</i> ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/ex/20.7?lang=eng#6" target="_blank">Exodus 20:7</a></span><br />
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<span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: large;">The Second Reason: Scattered Effect Sensors</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">We
scatter our Effect Sensors by developing relationships with two or more Conflicting
Causes and engaging in two or more Conflicting Desire Obtainment Processes for extended periods of time. We try to obtain two or more opposing things at once. We try to please two or more opposing groups of people. The <i>state</i> of our Effect Sensors is not altered if we do this while we're trying to figure out which Desire we should choose <i>in the beginning</i>. That is using the Atonement wisely. The state is altered over time. It is when we continuously divide ourselves between two opposing relationships we are actively developing. That is using the Atonement in vain. It is dishonesty. </span></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-size: large;">We gain knowledge of laws through the Effects we experience when we engage in these Conflicting Processes. When we ignore these guiding Effects and continue in our Conflicting Desire Obtainment Processes, the dishonesty leads to <i>becoming</i> discrepant, false, and hypocritical. Some other words in the dictionary that come up as synonyms are pretender, plaster saint, phony, fraud, and fake. The point is, we have to hide one relationship that we're developing in one Desire Obtainment Process from another. We have to carry on some kind of deception to do this. But what we're really doing is deceiving ourselves. Who are we? The one person or the other? When we do this for a long period of time, we lose our identity, our distinctiveness, uniqueness, and singularity. We lose our Destiny and birthright. We develop bad habits and dysfunctional character traits that we can't help. We bring ourselves into spiritual captivity.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>"And he
became Satan, yea, even the devil, the father of all lies, to deceive
and to blind men, and to lead them captive at his will, even as many as
would not hearken unto my voice."</i> ~Moses 4:4</span> </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men." ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/5.13?lang=eng#12" target="_blank">Matthew 5:13</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth." ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/rev/3.16?lang=eng#15" target="_blank">Revelations 3:16</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We use the Atonement appropriately when we're not purposefully seeking to deceive anyone with the Conflicting Desires we're trying to obtain. We are just confused as to which, of all the Causes that are influencing us, we should listen to. Which of all the roads available to us should we go down? If we listen to and
expect validation from Conflicting Causes on a continuous basis, we end
up sacrificing in Willy-Nilly ways that distract us from giving all we've got to one or the other. We're dividing our loyalties. Spreading ourselves too thin. And there's no way to determine which is best when we experiment upon them both at the same time. The one becomes a confounding variable to the other. We've got to study it out in our minds, come up with the best hypothesis, make a choice between them, and then try it out, actively believing it is our best option. We stop trying to obtain the other.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF4pYZkg8A8TNxx8ThcvyltZPlcX4z4fI9wbnAsGNC2JRFUzFsVzhDVnl8uP0UVMa0REGo9NNadSlJmS0x8kmh1l_8wBAak2WjMKTRK_nrGoEJ_kBwXuNF9NhvZpsNLOoI3U5Ft0fvk6N_/s1600/Tapestry2.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF4pYZkg8A8TNxx8ThcvyltZPlcX4z4fI9wbnAsGNC2JRFUzFsVzhDVnl8uP0UVMa0REGo9NNadSlJmS0x8kmh1l_8wBAak2WjMKTRK_nrGoEJ_kBwXuNF9NhvZpsNLOoI3U5Ft0fvk6N_/s320/Tapestry2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">When we engage in Desire Obtainment Processes over long periods of time, we obtain Results. Our Eternal Tapestry becomes deeply woven. Thread upon thread upon thread. Relationships are built. Habits are formed. Strengths, talents, and abilities are developed. Effect Sensors are changed for better or for worse. In essence, Effect Sensors are who we are. They are what enable us to be alive, feel alive, feel Joy, and acquire Knowledge. Their condition depends upon the use of our agency to identify and ignore Pseudo Effects and things that are<b> irrelevant</b> <i>to our Desire Obtainment Journey</i> and to identify and pay attention to Real Effects and the things that are<b> relevant</b> to it. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUP4Q_ML2p2b2-VZI4OvwMq5Q5marcVDtKgTNdepy7XKqjwuBlm09uIP27YkTXqUWQi4SYnvw0C_69ltJwWMetqBoew_UC-FMTwYwVZq_zwWKSaMjpt3uSMYzhpSmpMZg9dXPAyS0CIqho/s1600/Scattered2.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUP4Q_ML2p2b2-VZI4OvwMq5Q5marcVDtKgTNdepy7XKqjwuBlm09uIP27YkTXqUWQi4SYnvw0C_69ltJwWMetqBoew_UC-FMTwYwVZq_zwWKSaMjpt3uSMYzhpSmpMZg9dXPAyS0CIqho/s200/Scattered2.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-size: large;">If we engage in Conflicting Desire Obtainment Processes over long periods of time we obtain Conflicting Results. We develop Conflicting relationships. We form bad habits. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Because we're continuously putting our trust in Conflicting Causes, our Effect Sensors become <i>scattered</i>. We become inherently confused, fearful, or skittish. This causes us to be even more indecisive with our Inherent Desire.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Wherefore, the word of the Lord was fulfilled which he spake unto me, saying that: Inasmuch as they will not hearken unto thy words they shall be cut off from the presence of the Lord. And behold, they were cut off from his presence."</i> ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/5.20?lang=eng#19" target="_blank">2 Nephi 5:20</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Scattered Effect Sensors is a condition within us where we are never satisfied because we can’t obtain either Desire. Our Processes remain in that difficult developmental stage without ever transitioning into the sustainable stage--abilities, talents, skills, good habits. We can't please all the Conflicting Causes that are involved. We can't remain allegiant to any one of them. We’re not satisfied with the validation of one because another rejects us (see the story about <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/esth/3.5?lang=eng#4" target="_blank">Haman</a>). We look on everyone as our Cause and rely on <i>the number</i> of people who validate us to determine our value. If the number is high enough we feel good. When it goes down we feel worthless. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Actively pursuing Conflicting Desires over an extended period of time is misusing our agency. This misuse scatters our Effect Sensors. With scattered Effect Sensors, we lose our ability to identify our Inherent Desires and the Processes we need to engage in to obtain them. </span></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-size: large;">Space and time have been given to us so that we can make our choices. This is Mercy. It is given abundantly. But Justice watches over how we use this blessing. Justice incrementally takes over to sustainably bless us or damn us, according to our own choices. God is a Mastermind. His plan is infallible. If we want to actually complete our Eternal Tapestry and experience the eternal Joy from doing so we must choose wisely.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"For behold, justice exerciseth all his demands, and also mercy claimeth all which is her own; and thus, none but the truly penitent are saved. What, do ye suppose that mercy can rob justice? I say unto you, Nay; not one whit. If so, God would cease to be God."</i> ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/42.24-25?lang=eng#23" target="_blank">Alma 42:24-25</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust."</i> ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/5?lang=eng" target="_blank">Matthew 5:45</a></span>
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Gretchen Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08401206417850144051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3736244818041615267.post-84971769857075907852016-07-07T16:13:00.002-07:002022-08-17T06:46:12.351-07:00I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: large;">Some Desires come and go. We try them out but they do not hold our interest for long. It pitters out over time.</span>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Listen: “<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_ISAntOom0" target="_blank">I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For</a>” ~U2 (Pretty sad song)</span>
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<span style="font-size: large;">This could mean that we haven't found our Inherent Desire yet. Through the course of our life thus far, we have not yet encountered what it is that we're looking for.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">If we <i>have</i> identified it and have experienced at least a portion of the privileges we will eventually receive, it does not pitter out if we remain allegiant to our General Cause--God and continue in our progression towards it at a rate that satisfies us. When we think about losing it or never obtaining it we feel the greatest sorrow we have ever felt.</span>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Listen: “<a href="http://songsofredeeminglv.blogspot.com/2015/12/sinead-o-connor-nothing-compares-2u.html" target="_blank">Nothing Compares 2U</a>”</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">But if nothing holds our interest for long over an extended period of time, we have a conflict: No Desire. We talked about having No Desire in my blog post: <a href="http://specialopsmoms.blogspot.com/2016/06/idk-inertia.html" target="_blank">IDK Inertia</a> but let’s review it here. First of all, having No Desire is a black and white statement. To some degree, we might be interested in obtaining goals. That degree may be large or small. But similar to the </span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">all-or-nothing</span></span> threshold that an </span><span style="font-size: large;">action potential needs to cross over in the body's nervous system to stimulate muscle contraction if it is not enough to motivate us to make the required sacrifice, it is just as valuable as having No Desire.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"May we ever choose the harder right instead of the easier wrong."</i> </span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="chunk hl-dark_blue 8B523F0E-88E7-4A71-8376-46FBFA0FF82E hl-id-27899408" id="chunk100048"></span></span><i><span style="font-size: large;">~</span></i><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/choices?lang=eng&tst=st1_cnt_s" target="_blank">Choices</a> by President Thomas S. Monson</span> </span> </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">There are two reasons for having No Desire or very little of it:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">• Lack of knowledge and experience</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">• Numbed Effect Sensors</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-size: large;">The 1st Cause: Lack of Knowledge & Experience</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">So the first cause of having No Desire is innocence. It’s childhood. In childhood, we may not have declared our total allegiance to a Cause yet. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Listen: "<a href="http://songsofredeeminglv.blogspot.com/2016/05/the-reason-by-hoobastank.html" target="_blank">The Reason</a>" by Hoobastank</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We may not yet have the knowledge or skills to obtain what we want. And we may not yet get the connection between Process and Effect. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"For every action [Process}, there is an equal and opposite reaction [Effect]."</i> ~</span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">Newton's Third Law</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>"For that which ye do send out [Process] shall return unto you again, and be restored [Effect];"</i> ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/41.15#14" target="_blank">Alma 41:15</a> </span> </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="font-size: large;">"Most of you are familiar with Alice in Lewis
Carroll’s classic novel Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. You will
remember that she comes to a crossroads with two paths before her, each
stretching onward but in opposite directions. As she contemplates which
way to turn, she is confronted by the Cheshire Cat, of whom Alice asks,
'Which path shall I follow?'</span></i><span style="font-size: large;"><i><br />"The
cat answers, 'That depends where you want to go. If you do not know
where you want to go, it doesn’t matter which path you take.'"</i> </span><i><span style="font-size: large;">~</span></i><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/choices?lang=eng&tst=st1_cnt_s" target="_blank">Choices</a> by President Thomas S. Monson</span> </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="color: #38761d;">A Note About Judging Others In the Wrong Way</span> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">If we judge others because they haven’t figured out what they want or the direction they need to go, we may be judging an innocent person that God does not judge like that yet. And note that we can judge ourselves like this too. Our duty is to give them and ourselves space and time to figure it all out.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"For
behold that all little children are alive in Christ, and also all they
that are without the law. For the power of redemption cometh on all them
that have no law;" ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/moro/8.22?lang=eng#21" target="_blank">Moroni 8:22</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The objective reality of remaining in that innocent state for too long when we might otherwise be progressing is described well by President Hartman Rector, Jr., a General Authority of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints from the late '60s to the '90s:</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Ignorance
is expensive; in fact, it is the most expensive commodity we know
anything about. Certainly we make many mistakes through ignorance. If it
is a violation of a commandment of God which we have never received and
thus do not know, then the Lord does not hold us guilty of the sin. '…
to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.'
(James 4:17.) And in Paul’s words, '… where no law is, there is no
transgression.' (Rom. 4:15.) But even though we may not be guilty of the
sin because of our ignorance, neither can we receive the blessing,
which is predicated on obedience, without rendering obedience to that
law."</i> ~"<a href="https://www.lds.org/ensign/1971/06/ignorance-is-expensive?lang=eng" target="_blank">Ignorance Is Expensive</a>" by President Hartman Rector, Jr.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Note: the blessings we desire are a critical part of our Inherent Desire. The law we need to identify, learn, and be obedient to is the Inherent Process we must engage in to obtain those blessings.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">If we want to shake our finger at other people because we think they should know better, we should probably back off. It is not our responsibility to judge with the goal of guilting them into doing what's right, even if we might know what that is. Yet it is our responsibility to
personally work with God to work out our own salvation--to identify our
Inherent Desire and progress towards its obtainment at an efficient and
satisfying rate. </span></span></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">Here's an example: I went to BYU during the late '80s and '90s. I declared a major. It was up to me to make sure the classes I was taking progressed me towards the completion of that major and graduation. Back then there were no counselors assigned to us to keep us on track and make sure we weren't becoming life-long students, taking all kinds of classes, ever learning something or another but never progressing towards a meaningful end. I then attended BYU Idaho in the 2014-15 Fall and Winter semesters to obtain a second Bachelor's Degree. I declared a major</span>. They immediately assigned me to a counselor and required me to set up a tentative but well-thought-out schedule of the classes I needed to take for the next few years until I fulfilled the requirements for that major. I thought that was an excellent idea to keep us all on track and focused on our overall goal. So in life, our overall goal is to graduate from it by obtaining salvation. The specific way we do that is through our Inherent Desire, Cause, Process, Effects, and Results. We may not be able to see the full picture yet. I think that's okay. But I believe we need to be actively striving to see as far ahead as we can and making plans for how we're going to accomplish each sub-goal (like a class at BYU Idaho) on our journey. </span>
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<span style="font-size: large;">If we judge others according to our own personal Inherent Desire, we’d be wrong again. </span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">While we do have many Desires in common, there are many that we do not</span>. The specific person I want to marry or the things I want to do to make the world a better place bring me Joy but may not necessarily bring you Joy. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We may even do the opposite and evaluate our Inherent Desire by the Inherent Desires of others. We may feel guilty or even crazy if our Desire Obtainment Process is not like theirs. We may wonder what is wrong with us. Why are we so different?</span> <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">But it’s not a competition. And that's not an accurate form of assessment. While there are some useful comparisons to make, this is not one of them if it’s going to make us feel guilty because our Inherent Desire is different from someone else’s. Each of us needs to identify our Inherent Desire and then find the Inherent Process to obtain it. Each of us should be mostly concerned with obtaining the level of Sustainable Joy with which <i>we are satisfied</i>. Joy is not sustainable when we are deriving it from evaluating that we have more or less than someone else.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>"The
cost of the Atonement was borne by the Lord without compulsion, for
agency is a sovereign principle. According to the plan, agency must be
honored. It was so from the beginning, from Eden."</i> ~"<a href="https://www.lds.org/ensign/2008/03/who-is-jesus-christ?lang=eng&_r=1" target="_blank">Who Is Jesus Christ</a>" by Elder Boyd K. Packer, March 2008 Ensign</span> </span><br />
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<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-size: large;">The 2nd Cause: Numbed Effect Sensors</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I’ve talked about Effect Sensors before. To review, our Effect Sensors are our eyes, ears, and any other sensory receptor that receives Effects. It’s easy to physically see or hear our parents, teachers, coaches, trainers, mentors, or supervisors tell us point-blank that we’re doing good or that we need to change up our Process. But how many of us trust any Cause but God in helping us identify our Inherent Desire--our Destiny? In order to sense God’s feedback, we need to keep our Effect Sensors sensitive. We need to be able to <i>spiritually</i> sense his feedback to identify our Inherent Desire.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Pseudo Desires deliver Pseudo Effects that overstimulate our Effect Sensors. When we continuously saturate them they become numbed--numbed to pain and Sorrow but also numbed to pleasure and Joy. For example, if we listen to extremely loud music over time our ears become less sensitive to sound. We become deaf. So if we’re consuming Pseudo Effects all the time, we’re going to develop some pretty bad habits that numb us to our Inherent Desire. We won’t be able to sense it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Listen: "<a href="http://songsofredeeminglv.blogspot.com/2016/06/amy-grant-big-yellow-taxi.html" target="_blank">Big Yellow Taxi</a>" by Amy Grant</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">"<i>The
Church and the world and women are crying for men, men who are
developing their capacity and talents, who are willing to work and make
sacrifices, who will help others achieve happiness and salvation. They
are crying, 'Rise up, O men of God!' God help us to do it. In the name
of Jesus Christ, amen.</i>" ~</span><span style="font-size: large;">"<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/brethren-we-have-work-to-do?lang=eng" target="_blank">Brethren We Have Work to Do</a>" by Elder D. Todd Christofferson</span>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We can numb ourselves to God's communication by constantly filling our lives with distractions like social events, TV, video and other games, social media, and even work, etc. A distraction can be anything that ties up our minds and leaves us with little desire, time, and ability to communicate with God. It's not necessarily evil or bad. In fact, it may be a pretty good thing to do. But the bottom line is in order to stay in tune with our Father in Heaven we need to make regular quiet spaces in our lives inside which we're alone with him.</span>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Listen: "<a href="http://songsofredeeminglv.blogspot.com/2014/10/me-and-god-by-josh-turner.html" target="_blank">Me and God</a>" by Josh Turner</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We can also numb our Effect Sensors by purposefully plugging our ears. We can shut our eyes. We can ignore things. We can refuse to search for anything further than what we have already obtained. </span> <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">“<i>Thou fool, that shall say: A Bible, we have got a Bible, and we need no more Bible. Have ye obtained a Bible save it were by the Jews? Know ye not that there are more nations than one? Know ye not that I, the Lord your God, have created all men, and that I remember those who are upon the isles of the sea; and that I rule in the heavens above and in the earth beneath; and I bring forth my word unto the children of men, yea, even upon all the nations of the earth?</i>” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/29.6-7?lang=eng#5" target="_blank">2 Nephi 29:6-7</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We can read what’s on the pages of our scriptures or the history books and see it as only applying in that specific situation in history but close our minds to seeing it as a general principle that can apply to us in our specific Desire Obtainment Process. Likewise, we can understand a principle from one perspective but close our eyes to looking at it from other perspectives.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">It isn’t all bad to close our minds. When we have done enough reviewing, applying, and testing out and then have identified truth, it’s probably a pretty good idea to hold steadfast against Conflicting Desires, Causes, Processes, and Effects. That means we can use our agency to purposefully and selectively create boundaries in our Effect Sensors against things we know are distractions and not valuable to us in our Desire Obtainment Journey.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="font-size: large;">"Therefore, I would that ye should be steadfast and immovable, always abounding in good works, that Christ, the Lord God Omnipotent, may seal you his, that you may be brought to heaven, that ye may have everlasting salvation and eternal life, through the wisdom, and power, and justice, and mercy of him who created all things, in heaven and in earth, who is God above all. Amen." ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/5.15?lang=eng#14" target="_blank">Mosiah 5:15</a></span></i></span></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Conclusion</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">If we have No Inherent Desire it may be </span><span style="font-size: large;">because we need to give ourselves more time and space to evaluate, study, experiment, listen, pray, and evaluate some more. Or it may be </span><span style="font-size: large;">because we've used our agency to block it out. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">"<i>And he shall rise the third day from the dead; and behold, he standeth to judge the world; and behold, all these things are done that a righteous judgment might come upon the children of men. For behold, and also his blood atoneth for the sins of those who have fallen by the transgression of Adam, who have died not knowing the will of God concerning them, or who have ignorantly sinned. But wo, wo unto him who knoweth that he rebelleth against God! For salvation cometh to none such except it be through repentance and faith on the Lord Jesus Christ.</i>"~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/3.10-12?lang=eng#9">Mosiah 3:10-12</a></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVqwUgqeGEmC0ziY794XFBRH1rTSwtLuUY5IaECweqcH9jKExCyy3jvRhykBTl0ForN4OQi3_7xcQpU_tcZxhj5abwZdvTl78XKP2RJeumXyeo0tIqxlv-hFuYJMVQZ6qn-WhLOEbTHgJC/s1600/Mote+and+Beam.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="189" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVqwUgqeGEmC0ziY794XFBRH1rTSwtLuUY5IaECweqcH9jKExCyy3jvRhykBTl0ForN4OQi3_7xcQpU_tcZxhj5abwZdvTl78XKP2RJeumXyeo0tIqxlv-hFuYJMVQZ6qn-WhLOEbTHgJC/s320/Mote+and+Beam.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-size: large;">Each of us needs to determine which of these situations is true for us. If we're older and no longer little children, we might want to take Jesus' counsel when he said,</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">"<i>And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but perceivest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Either how canst thou say to thy brother, Brother, let me pull out the mote that is in thine eye, when thou thyself beholdest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to pull out the mote that is in thy brother’s eye.</i>" ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/luke/6.41-42?lang=eng#40" target="_blank">Luke 6:41-42</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Tim Tebow echoed this concept when he said, "Don't worry about what you can't control. Our focus and energy need to be on the things we CAN control. Attitude, effort, focus - these are the things we can control..." </span></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-size: large;">When there is some kind of conflict needing to be resolved the most important thing we can do is to focus on what we have control over. Our part in the puzzle. Our position on the field. Our turn in the game. When we work to cast the beam out of our own eyes, we take responsibility for what is within our control. When we take responsibility for what is within our control we work on eliminating all of the distractions in our lives, all of the Pseudo Desires and their numbing Effects. We examine ourselves frankly to see if we have them and then acknowledge them when we do. We work diligently to eliminate them, even though it hurts. When we do that we can more accurately assess the situation in which we find ourselves and use our agency more wisely. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>"If our
righteous desires are sufficiently intense, they will motivate us to
cut and carve ourselves free from addictions and other sinful pressures
and priorities that prevent our eternal progress."</i> </span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">~</span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">"<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/desire?lang=eng" target="_blank">Desire</a>" by Elder Dallin H. Oaks</span></span></span> </span></div>
Gretchen Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08401206417850144051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3736244818041615267.post-10555814664244572852016-07-06T16:02:00.000-07:002016-09-26T08:47:21.275-07:00Destiny<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: large;">In the last blog post we talked about having No Desire or having Conflicting Desires. But somewhere in between those two is our real Desire. I call that our Inherent Desire. The best way to describe an Inherent Desire is that it’s apart of our overall Destiny. It’s a Desire that, when obtained, will end us coming one step closer to self-actualization, Sustainable Joy, eternal life, salvation, exaltation, and all of those words we use to describe the happily ever after we all want to get to.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Readjusting our desires to give highest priority to the things of eternity is not easy. We are all tempted to desire that worldly quartet of property, prominence, pride, and power. We might desire these, but we should not fix them as our highest priorities....To achieve our eternal destiny, we will desire and work for the qualities required to become an eternal being."</i> ~"<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/desire?lang=eng" target="_blank">Desire</a>" by Elder Dallin H. Oaks</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1e21sAIuGL8ku2vquwfY-TXimH0lL3JTBQd5jQVbZVwcfFvX605tNMKM6y_12buya_wsBZKDTbLCgLW3pBKEll8NqVMdK-B-8jS8FlSH6ltYrY36dNwwBQM47kuNxjXP-JXfKgTx0QzIe/s1600/Puzzle+Piece.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1e21sAIuGL8ku2vquwfY-TXimH0lL3JTBQd5jQVbZVwcfFvX605tNMKM6y_12buya_wsBZKDTbLCgLW3pBKEll8NqVMdK-B-8jS8FlSH6ltYrY36dNwwBQM47kuNxjXP-JXfKgTx0QzIe/s200/Puzzle+Piece.jpg" width="191" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">We know when we have identified an Inherent Desire when our motivation to obtain it is continuous and very deep. Under the umbrella of Destiny is usually a number of these smaller Inherent Desires. They are the puzzle pieces that make up the entire picture of what our heaven looks like.</span> <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Listen: “<a href="http://songsofredeeminglv.blogspot.com/2016/07/heaven-salvador.html" target="_blank">Heaven</a>” by Salvador</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxBpsD2mbd_kGduaWvVqzOmKOWEJcfQrpKVvKH7myI02wQKoBuKD7UZ9b5Ioyv8-BojMrqGF0ew8kQEadzQJGH64BVeQb-oNCOmbWbrf_9N8Q9fZfti_JqFIIly2HPskEgbLDfTn20oumy/s1600/Forcefield.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxBpsD2mbd_kGduaWvVqzOmKOWEJcfQrpKVvKH7myI02wQKoBuKD7UZ9b5Ioyv8-BojMrqGF0ew8kQEadzQJGH64BVeQb-oNCOmbWbrf_9N8Q9fZfti_JqFIIly2HPskEgbLDfTn20oumy/s400/Forcefield.jpg" /></a><span style="font-size: large;">When we have identified an Inherent Desire, the motivation we experience is enough to sustain us even through the tough sacrifices we must make as part of the Desire Obtainment Process. That means that the privileges we receive as we incrementally obtain this Desire and the ones we envision having when the Desire is fully obtained are enough to motivate us to make our own continuous sacrifice. It’s enough to buffer us against the adversity we have to work through. Our continuous sacrifice in turn provides privileges for others that motivate their sacrifice and buffer them against the adversity they have to work through. That’s what makes the entire relationship sustainable or in other words, <i>eternal</i>.</span> <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Part of the sacrifice that is always required of us is our willingness to listen to our Cause. Our Cause is a guide, a mentor. He (or she) is someone who has already obtained a Desire similar to our own. He knows the pathway. We are unsure of it. The only way we can obtain our Desire is if we yield to his instructions, even when they go against what we presently understand. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This reminds me of the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Karate_Kid" target="_blank">Karate Kid movie</a>. Daniel wants to learn Karate for protection. He asks Mr. Miyagi to teach him because he witnesses Mr. Miyagi “single-handedly fend[ing] off [Daniel’s] five attackers with ease” (<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Karate_Kid" target="_blank">Wikipedia</a>). Mr. Miyagi starts with having Daniel painting fences and waxing his cars. Daniel has no idea why he has to do this kind of sacrifice. He even suspects that Mr. Miyagi is taking advantage of him—getting a bunch of free labor out of him. But he decides to trust him without knowing all the answers up front. He learns that Mr. Miyagi is training his muscles to develop the memory to perform specific actions that will eventually become like reflexes. And if you’ve seen the movie, you know the end of the story. Daniel becomes a master Karate Kid through Mr. Miyagi’s training. He is able to protect himself and those he loves against Survival of the Fittest bullies. Desire Obtained.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So choosing a Cause we can trust to whom we will remain allegiant even when it opposes our natural inclinations and previous suppositions is a crucial sacrifice in the Inherent Desire Obtainment Process.</span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Trust
in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own
understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy
paths." ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/prov/3.5-6?lang=eng#4" target="_blank">Proverbs 3:5-6 </a></i></span></i></span> </i></span></span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>"...choose you this day whom ye
will serve; ...but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/josh/24.15?lang=eng#14" target="_blank">Joshua 24:15</a></i></span><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/james/1.5?lang=eng#4"></a></span></i><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Our chosen Cause is the one who instructs us concerning the Process we need to engage in to obtain our Desire. This Process is a sacrifice. It’s not easy. It takes work. It’s about changing some things and holding steadfast in others. The Process is inherent to the Desire we have chosen. That means if we want the Desire bad enough then we are fine with subjecting ourselves to the laws and rules pertaining to that Desire.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="font-size: large;">"If
any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men
liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him." ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/james/1.5?lang=eng#4">James 1:5</a></span></i> </span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">"There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated—And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated." ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/130.20-21?lang=eng#19" target="_blank">D&C 130:20-21</a></span></i><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Effects help us identify the Inherent Process. Effects are the feedback, validation, or response process from our Cause in regards to our Desire Obtainment Process that enable us to know if we’re on or off the right track. They also enable us to discern our Inherent Desire.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="font-size: large;">"But,
behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then
you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that
your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is
right. But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you
shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing
which is wrong;" ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/9.7-9?lang=eng#6" target="_blank">D&C 9:7-9</a></span></i> </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Results are Sustainable Desires, Processes, and Effects. When our Desire is sustainable, we know it is inherent. Sustainable Processes are knowledge, skills, abilities, and talents. Sustainable Effects are Sustainable Joy, which is balanced Peace and Energy that just keeps on going. These are the elements that compose Sustainable Relationships. When we have developed Sustainable Processes and Effects, the sacrifice of each person in the relationship becomes a Joy. Desire obtained. Success.</span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">"But if
ye will nourish the word, yea, nourish the tree as it beginneth to
grow, by your faith with great diligence, and with patience, looking
forward to the fruit thereof, it shall take root; and behold it shall be
a tree springing up unto everlasting life. And because of your
diligence and your faith and your patience with the word in nourishing
it, that it may take root in you, behold, by and by ye shall pluck the
fruit thereof, which is most precious, which is sweet above all that is
sweet, and which is white above all that is white, yea, and pure above
all that is pure; and ye shall feast upon this fruit even until ye are
filled, that ye hunger not, neither shall ye thirst. Then, my brethren,
ye shall reap the rewards of your faith, and your diligence, and
patience, and long-suffering, waiting for the tree to bring forth fruit
unto you." ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/32.41-43#40" target="_blank">Alma 32:41-43</a></span></i><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“Therefore, what we insistently desire, over time, is what we will eventually become and what we will receive in eternity.”</i> ~Elder Neal A. Maxwell quoted in "<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/desire?lang=eng" target="_blank">Desire</a>" by Elder Dallin H. Oaks</span>
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<span style="font-size: large;">This is why it’s so important to use our agency to answer the following questions for ourselves:</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">What is your Desire?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Who is your Cause?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">What is the Process to obtain this Desire?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">What are the Effects you experience when you engage in this Process?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">What are your Results?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Wherefore, the Lord God gave unto man that he should act for himself..." ~<a data-mce-href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/2.16?lang=eng#15" href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/2.16?lang=eng#15">2 Nephi 2:16</a></i></span></span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">"I have
been thinking recently about choices and their consequences. It has been
said that the gate of history turns on small hinges, and so do people’s
lives. The choices we make determine our destiny.</span></i><i><span style="font-size: large;">" ~</span></i><span style="font-size: large;">"<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/choices?lang=eng&tst=st1_cnt_s" target="_blank">Choices</a>" by President Thomas S. Monson</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Listen: </span><span style="font-size: large;">"<a href="http://songsofredeeminglv.blogspot.com/2016/02/switchfoot-this-is-your-life-official.html" target="_blank">This is Your Life</a>" by Switchfoot</span>
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Gretchen Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08401206417850144051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3736244818041615267.post-61222342246713543202016-06-20T16:56:00.001-07:002016-06-20T16:57:31.139-07:00IDK Inertia<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: large;">Sometimes we find ourselves drifting in inertia without meaningful goals, desires, or purpose. If asked about what we want to do with our time, our energy, our life, we answer idk.</span>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6tueRsqMwWvyV-AjiV4Eg888kH7QOVQH5u-3Z7-89jSgjoWP_dIdZu_B6VVkNDAWnBSmoH2O6j2o_NhSvYi1QM8CAYn0oXHQOaJyEwmnfMDrLH2CWZpiF0P6hRCx4i33dZ7iBneo8zxGw/s1600/Children+watching+parent.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6tueRsqMwWvyV-AjiV4Eg888kH7QOVQH5u-3Z7-89jSgjoWP_dIdZu_B6VVkNDAWnBSmoH2O6j2o_NhSvYi1QM8CAYn0oXHQOaJyEwmnfMDrLH2CWZpiF0P6hRCx4i33dZ7iBneo8zxGw/s320/Children+watching+parent.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">A possible cause for this kind of state is that we just don’t know ourselves well enough yet to know what we want out of all that is available. We don’t know what we’d be willing to fight for, to sacrifice for, or even to give our life for. We need more time to experience different sorts of people, values, and occupations in order to determine which ones we like the best. </span>
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<span style="font-size: large;">When we were children, we most likely didn’t know what type of person we would marry, what college we’d go to, what values we’d profess our allegiance to, and what occupation we’d like to spend our lives training for and serving in. We may have formed some thoughts about what we wanted to be when we grew up but those desires were probably not as powerful as they eventually became.</span>
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<span style="font-size: large;">As children, there were other more immediate choices that most likely consumed our thoughts like choosing our friends, the way we were going to spend the day, if we were going to do our homework and chores or not, which skills we chose to develop, if we would eat the food our parents prepared for us or not, and what and who we were going to listen to, watch, or read. </span>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGiPxsb7FuYGvLZgNUzjGm3ZpK79Rp8Xx7vThDZawTtm2r2baE4i0DRoVFnH5lMH3rE7r4-EedNBCXry54qIlQgRrWja5fUSOrBX9em6kzKIt_-ETJ7k012jaPlNPrirDO-vu2vbsDkZ4b/s1600/clock.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGiPxsb7FuYGvLZgNUzjGm3ZpK79Rp8Xx7vThDZawTtm2r2baE4i0DRoVFnH5lMH3rE7r4-EedNBCXry54qIlQgRrWja5fUSOrBX9em6kzKIt_-ETJ7k012jaPlNPrirDO-vu2vbsDkZ4b/s320/clock.png" width="316" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">It’s through our interactions with others and with the physical world around us that we begin to identify our core desires. That is, it is through our experiences that we develop our meaningful goals, desires, and purpose. So if we have very little desire concerning a certain area of our life, it may be that we need more time and experience in it. We don’t have to rush ourselves to make choices we’re not ready to make. Having patience with ourselves and others as we all grow up is key to identifying real, true, core, meaningful desires that are so deep in our heart that we would give our life to obtain them.</span>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZH4HBULwfOkQT0RXiUvDRPqNrbpZyIf47qGTNaKum24bHMcrAuJhbFKhalWDlG2ipGRIM6uGVC78BlyAXQkcBk5_NqvUZtZC-I91j5FyLCmL9KfyX9zqkkAlEX5MfnnPKfbThaP1IUeqm/s1600/Gold+dross.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZH4HBULwfOkQT0RXiUvDRPqNrbpZyIf47qGTNaKum24bHMcrAuJhbFKhalWDlG2ipGRIM6uGVC78BlyAXQkcBk5_NqvUZtZC-I91j5FyLCmL9KfyX9zqkkAlEX5MfnnPKfbThaP1IUeqm/s320/Gold+dross.jpg" width="230" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">I guess I would have to add here that adversity is another big part of our experience. I think it’s one of the most common influences over our desires. We often go into a certain field of study in hopes of reducing adversity for our family, community, and world.</span>
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<span style="font-size: large;">As desires become more intense, we are motivated to make the sacrifices required of us in order to pursue our choices. Desires have a way of growing more intense over time until we finally are forced by one thing or another to make a firm decision. I think that’s what growing up is all about. Because of adversity and death we can’t float around forever in inertia.</span>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The other top influence over our desires is admiration. When we take the time to admire the qualities and characteristics in the people around us, instead of feeling envious towards them, we find out who and what we want to become.</span>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuA4lZbE0gBEQbRwuOmtFRcojGDwZj3iowpbPRWCwq5zrOxwiK8WD0aIYv_DIJHZw1-u9BYX7QEfzS2w7wzPOjmhyphenhyphenIQfpodX33Kf92lsdkv2Pb3deKS0Yr0m17zPsYaof62xZmsEyt3rlK/s1600/spiderman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuA4lZbE0gBEQbRwuOmtFRcojGDwZj3iowpbPRWCwq5zrOxwiK8WD0aIYv_DIJHZw1-u9BYX7QEfzS2w7wzPOjmhyphenhyphenIQfpodX33Kf92lsdkv2Pb3deKS0Yr0m17zPsYaof62xZmsEyt3rlK/s320/spiderman.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">I believe that the more we are able to get to know our Savior Jesus Christ through the Holy Ghost, the more we understand ourselves and what we want to become. In fact when we notice who and what we admire, it is usually because we feel an increase in the intensity of the Spirit when we interact with that person. That feeling testifies of Christ and at the same time is testifying of us. We saw the value in them and what they did. Others may not have, but we did. That describes who we are.</span>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9Yo9F7xTnGFeLX3qbECNlVMjC_Q7ULH9khmM7kZ8lfGIndpdrouswUw_hbQ5lSRpbpLv1KA1AEGox8i3snz-Gbgoj3ZnzbZRkkMEU5JJWYuiln-5q8HpExvhH6dbc7YOxYj4lSYfqe-6z/s1600/Divergent+paths.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="255" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9Yo9F7xTnGFeLX3qbECNlVMjC_Q7ULH9khmM7kZ8lfGIndpdrouswUw_hbQ5lSRpbpLv1KA1AEGox8i3snz-Gbgoj3ZnzbZRkkMEU5JJWYuiln-5q8HpExvhH6dbc7YOxYj4lSYfqe-6z/s320/Divergent+paths.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">Often times the reason we don’t have a meaningful enough desire is that there are so many to choose from and we are conflicted between them. All of the choices look good to us. We’re not ready to make a choice because choosing one requires us to sacrifice all the others. We’re talking about conflicting desires here. That means we can’t obtain more than one of them because we don’t have the time or energy to obtain them both. These are desires like educational pathway, choice of occupation, marriage partner, or place of residence. We may be able to do them subsequently but not at the same time.</span>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZMGRiL7yGDGPTTsHeGc1oL9HEt7U2RMJ4GV_Gej9LDafCUUzcbYIJGVQBs_JgPBL1IvMdpE4PXKXsmQhyphenhyphenn8zpNyhsoTtAxkGXIZCSZxMzRLjFs7olxC6T_EaH1cS6mg0S_PtFjdqBIydo/s1600/Question.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZMGRiL7yGDGPTTsHeGc1oL9HEt7U2RMJ4GV_Gej9LDafCUUzcbYIJGVQBs_JgPBL1IvMdpE4PXKXsmQhyphenhyphenn8zpNyhsoTtAxkGXIZCSZxMzRLjFs7olxC6T_EaH1cS6mg0S_PtFjdqBIydo/s1600/Question.jpg" /></a>Being able to tell when multiple desires are compatible and when they are conflicting comes with study and experience. If we find ourselves not being able to choose between two or more desires that we have been trying to obtain for quite some time and feeling like our progression towards results is not fast enough, we most likely need to make a choice between them. We need to sacrifice all the rest for one choice.</span></div>
Gretchen Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08401206417850144051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3736244818041615267.post-50280862748399397682016-05-25T18:49:00.000-07:002016-05-25T19:05:30.697-07:00Hope<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: large;">I think the best way to describe Hope is to describe what it isn't. We can have a Desire that is more like a Demand. We think we're entitled to it or that it is our right to
have it. This kind of Desire is like forcing someone else to give us
what we want or at least having that attitude about it. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZMGRiL7yGDGPTTsHeGc1oL9HEt7U2RMJ4GV_Gej9LDafCUUzcbYIJGVQBs_JgPBL1IvMdpE4PXKXsmQhyphenhyphenn8zpNyhsoTtAxkGXIZCSZxMzRLjFs7olxC6T_EaH1cS6mg0S_PtFjdqBIydo/s1600/Question.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZMGRiL7yGDGPTTsHeGc1oL9HEt7U2RMJ4GV_Gej9LDafCUUzcbYIJGVQBs_JgPBL1IvMdpE4PXKXsmQhyphenhyphenn8zpNyhsoTtAxkGXIZCSZxMzRLjFs7olxC6T_EaH1cS6mg0S_PtFjdqBIydo/s1600/Question.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">But
on the other hand, we could also have very little Desire. Instead of
Hope, we have hopelessness and apathy. We don't really think it's
possible to obtain our Desire. We may think about it but only in a
dreamy way and say, "If only..."</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggsKhIhqPrLG7kN45hzWS-5SFXpEovV-Vg2Q1pdWwHEkXXzqcK_CbZVPwxe7kHRgGcoVhIMJv5wDARVBVWM8SM1JhkPIrZfRiWq25r6gzwaHaFa1o3UKGJWZWVV_F9p8k2YlPtxn_ui9vQ/s1600/Goals.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggsKhIhqPrLG7kN45hzWS-5SFXpEovV-Vg2Q1pdWwHEkXXzqcK_CbZVPwxe7kHRgGcoVhIMJv5wDARVBVWM8SM1JhkPIrZfRiWq25r6gzwaHaFa1o3UKGJWZWVV_F9p8k2YlPtxn_ui9vQ/s320/Goals.png" width="244" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">Hope is about setting
goals to obtain something that we have the faith that we can actually
obtain. Not alone. Not because we can work way hard to obtain it but
because we work together with our Cause to obtain it. We believe he
will help us as we help ourselves. It's not all about Grace and no
Works but neither is it about all Works and no Grace. It is the balance
between them.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Listen: </span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">"<a href="http://songsofredeeminglv.blogspot.com/2016/05/not-alone-lyrics-red-until-we-have-faces.html" target="_blank">Not Alone</a>" by Red</span> </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">When we have Hope, we have communicated with our Cause
and made a deal with him. Promises are made. We sense our Cause's
promise and he senses ours. We've entered into a commitment
relationship with him that we will do all we can do for our part and
rely on him to do his part for the rest. We commit to actually being
trained in the Inherent Process to obtain our Desire instead of
sacrificing in a Willy-Nilly way and expecting that after we do that we
are entitled to receive it.</span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">Listen: "<a href="http://songsofredeeminglv.blogspot.com/2016/05/the-promise-when-in-rome.html" target="_blank">The Promise</a>" by When In Rome </span></i><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So Hope is not the absence
of passion, drive, and single-mindedness that sometimes may be mistaken
for Demand. It includes all those things. It is not the absence of
faith in a power greater than our own to assist us that may seem
miraculous, like something out of a dream or a fantasy. Some may
mistake that for a type of dreamy apathy. But when we have Hope we believe
in miracles that enable us to obtain our Desire.</span><br />
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></i>
<i><span style="font-size: large;">"For with God nothing shall be impossible." ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/luke/1.37?lang=eng#36" target="_blank">Luke 1:37</a></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></i>
<i><span style="font-size: large;">"Be still and know that I am God." ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/ps/46.10?lang=eng#9" target="_blank">Psalms 46:10 </a></span></i>
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<span style="font-size: large;">With
some Desires, we may not be able to muster enough Hope for them. The
reason may be that we can't believe we can really obtain something no
matter how hard we try. Or the reason may be that it's something we
don't really need, meaning it's not that important or it's not expedient. Like, let's
say my Desire is to move a mountain just to see if I can do it. That's
whimsical if there's no real purpose or benefit for me or for humanity.
But for other Desires, even though they may seem out of this world, we may
actually have real Hope. Maybe what we want has never been done
before but we sense that it is possible. Paying attention to that sense
of Hope enables us to know what is possible and what isn't. Thus if we
have formed a Desire that we have Hope for, we can know that it is
obtainable if we just keep going, trust in our Cause, and endure to the
end.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">For more on this topic, see blog post: "<a href="http://specialopsmoms.blogspot.com/2015/05/i-wish.html" target="_blank">I Wish...</a>" and the book "<a href="https://deseretbook.com/p/drawing-powers-heaven-grant-von-harrison-5915?variant_id=104696-paperback" target="_blank">Drawing on the Powers of Heaven</a>" by Grant Von Harrison.</span></div>
Gretchen Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08401206417850144051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3736244818041615267.post-79173293091977230532016-05-17T18:36:00.000-07:002016-05-17T18:39:34.745-07:00When We're Feeling Worthless<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: large;">"<i>I am not important to anyone.</i>" </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">"<i>Who I am, what I have the ability to do, what I was designed to be is of no value to anyone else.</i>"</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Feelings of worthlessness get to all of us at some point or another in our lives. Others may respond to this conflict by putting us down. When I felt bad about myself when I was little someone used to sing me the worm song: “<i>Nobody likes me. Everybody hates me. Might as well go eat worms...</i>” This was intended to resolve my conflict by making me feel ashamed about feeling lonely and worthless so I would then stop it. Not a good resolution process. Those who use it are ignorant about this specific issue and/or are full of pride, and certainly are not empathetic. Does shaming a person who already feels bad about herself help? No. If we're taught to resolve this conflict in this manner when young, we will learn to entertain shame thoughts when we are feeling worthless. This will put us into the <a href="http://specialopsmoms.blogspot.com/2015/05/the-belly-of-whale.html" target="_blank">Belly of the Whale</a>, a place from which it is very difficult to escape.</span>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Valuable </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The fact of the matter is that we do need to be valuable to someone. We can’t smother that need. I believe God designed us to be that way. What does it mean to be of value if not to be of value to someone else, to our family, and to our community? For what reason do we exist other than to be of service to our God and our fellow men and to allow them to be of service to us in turn? Is this not what love is? So if we are feeling worthless, we may be depending upon people who indeed don’t care about the gifts we have to offer. And that feels awful. We’re not alone in this conflict. The best of the best have been disregarded, left alone, and treated as naught.</span> <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">
<i><span style="font-size: large;">“He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/isa/53.3-4?lang=eng#2%27" target="_blank">Isaiah 53:3-4</a></span></i></span>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">After giving everything he had to reclaim the house of Israel so they might remember their God with whom they had covenanted and stop sitting on fences between him and the idols of the world, and showing them miracles that verified God's power over these idols, Elijah was still rejected, ignored, and cast out. Feelings of worthlessness engulfed him in the following verses. </span><i><span style="font-size: large;"> "But he
himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down
under a juniper tree: and he requested for himself that he might die;
and said, It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life; for I am not
better than my fathers. And he came thither unto a cave, and lodged
there; and, behold, the word of the Lord came to him, and he said unto
him, What doest thou here, Elijah? And he said, I have been very jealous
for the Lord God of hosts: for the children of Israel have forsaken thy
covenant, thrown down thine altars, and slain thy prophets with the
sword; and I, even I only, am left; and they seek my life, to take it
away." ~Elijah in <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/1-kgs/19.4,%209-10?lang=eng#3" target="_blank">1 Kings 19:4, 9-10</a> </span></i></span><span style="font-size: large;"><br /><i> </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“For the things which some men esteem to be of great worth, both to the body and soul, others set at naught and trample under their feet. Yea, even the very God of Israel do men trample under their feet; I say, trample under their feet but I would speak in other words—they set him at naught, and hearken not to the voice of his counsels.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/1-ne/19.7?lang=eng#6" target="_blank">1 Nephi 19:7</a></i><br /><br />This is why we need the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Our Savior values us even if others do not. He knows who we are. He knows our gifts and our talents. If we look to him for validation, he uses us as an instrument in his hands and we will feel our value more than we could in any other way. But still, the hope is that we will value each other. That's what relationships are all about--valuing and empathizing with each other. That's where joy comes from. That's what we live for. Developing these kinds of relationships here on earth is one of the key reasons for being here. We are sent to give our gifts, offer our talents, help one another to grow and develop in order to prepare to meet God (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/34.32?lang=eng#31" target="_blank">Alma 34:32</a>).</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Watch Ourselves and Our Thoughts</span><br /><i>“But this much I can tell you, that if ye do not watch yourselves, and your thoughts, and your words, and your deeds, and observe the commandments of God, and continue in the faith of what ye have heard concerning the coming of our Lord, even unto the end of your lives, ye must perish. And now, O man, remember, and perish not.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/4.30?lang=eng#29" target="_blank">Mosiah 4:30</a></i> </span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">It is also possible that we could allow ourselves to descend too often into thoughts of worthlessness just to feel sorry for ourselves and/or for others to feel sorry for us. This is another type of resolution process. And it also does not prove to be very effective in the long run. If we yield to this temptation all the time, we actually take the empathy others offer us in vain. Empathy is mercy. Taking empathy and mercy in vain is taking the Lord’s name in vain. <br /><br /><i>“Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/13.15?lang=eng#14" target="_blank">Mosiah 13:15</a></i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i> </i></span><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjixYxIN1Dz0HuozsPvJKG0cRQZA3OxA98q03qlrHfyF0sZGDc0xjbKw42ClwPRa-46ig8MfCV8z6NV4iOP7bugoVOluE7PQXIBFYWguqCaqAUvJeyZUzhCFEUrdRmaqoa_P9tArgLD6Fn_/s1600/Stuck+in+a+pit.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjixYxIN1Dz0HuozsPvJKG0cRQZA3OxA98q03qlrHfyF0sZGDc0xjbKw42ClwPRa-46ig8MfCV8z6NV4iOP7bugoVOluE7PQXIBFYWguqCaqAUvJeyZUzhCFEUrdRmaqoa_P9tArgLD6Fn_/s1600/Stuck+in+a+pit.jpg" /></a>His name is love, charity, empathy, mercy. It is meant to sustain us through difficult times when we can’t get out of the pit we’re in despite how very hard we are trying. When we throw ourselves into the pit without doing what is within our power to avoid it and end up over-relying on that empathy, we’re kind of taking advantage of it in a not so good way. Mercy is meant to contain adversity to a more manageable level so we can learn and grow from it. We don’t just want to lie down and die when it hits us.</span>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">“</span></i><i><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="div">[Then <span class="em">Jesus was taken</span> up into the holy city, and <span class="em">the Spirit</span> setteth him on <span class="em">the</span> pinnacle of the temple</span>, And the devil came unto him and said], If thou be
the Son of God, cast thyself down: for it is written, He shall give his
angels charge concerning thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee
up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone. Jesus said unto
him, It is written again, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/4.5-7?lang=eng#4" target="_blank">Matthew 4:5-7</a></span></i><span style="font-size: large;"> (Brackets JST)</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So we see it always takes two. The Cause of this conflict and its perpetuation can come from our own choices or from others—how they treat us. Usually the case is that it comes from both. It's up to each one of us to determine how much to rely on mercy and how much we can contribute to saving ourselves and others. It's a team effort. Because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ we don’t have to be subject to the negligent evaluations and ingratitude of others. Other people have their choice. But so do we. We’re never left alone. We have our Savior who needs and wants us. We are valuable to him. And he is valuable to us. I think that's what love, mercy, and value are all about.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Listen: </span><span style="font-size: large;"><span>"<a href="http://songsofredeeminglv.blogspot.com/2016/05/not-alone-lyrics-red-until-we-have-faces.html" target="_blank">Not Alone</a>" by Red</span> </span>
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Gretchen Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08401206417850144051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3736244818041615267.post-77511802283543239192016-05-11T13:59:00.001-07:002022-09-12T19:05:17.736-07:00Balancing Strengths and Weaknesses<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: large;">Sometimes I would like to change one of my weaknesses into a strength, but because I have another dominant strength that competes with it, which I highly value, I have a hard time being able to accomplish this task.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/ether/12.27?lang=eng#26" target="_blank">Ether 12:27</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Those who engage in self-congratulation over a supposed strength have lost the protection of humility and are vulnerable to Satan’s using that strength to produce their downfall. In contrast, if we are humble and teachable, hearkening to the commandments of God, the counsel of his leaders, and the promptings of his Spirit, we can be guided in how to use our spiritual gifts, our accomplishments, and all of our other strengths for righteousness. And we can be guided in how to avoid Satan’s efforts to use our strengths to cause our downfall." ~"<a href="https://www.lds.org/liahona/1995/05/our-strengths-can-become-our-downfall?lang=eng" target="_blank">Our Strengths Can Become our Downfall</a>" by Elder Dallin H. Oaks </i> </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Let’s say I desire to develop the ability to verbally express my thoughts and feelings in an objective, reasonable way but because I usually rely on emotions, body language, facial expressions, and my general demeanor to serve as my means of communicating what I need and how I feel, it may not be easy to make this change.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Analyzing the spiritual strength of non-verbal communication and my motives for relying so heavily upon it enables me to let go of any inappropriate use of it so I can develop the ability to effectively communicate with others without making myself overly vulnerable or crossing their boundaries.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">From what I can see, the purpose behind my use of non-verbal communication is to convince, convert, and persuade another individual to think like I do and feel what I am feeling. In essence, my goal is for them to empathize with me. I want them to agree with me. "Agree with thine adversary quickly whiles thou art in the way with him" (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/5.25-26?lang=eng#24" target="_blank">Matthew 5:25-26</a>). Perhaps our Savior meant for us to <i>empathize</i> with others when we found ourselves with conflicting points of view. But if I use too much emotion and explanation to <i>elicit</i> empathy <i>from</i> the person I’m talking to, I’m actually being more manipulative than communicative. </span> <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">What does it matter if someone else doesn’t agree with me? If they can’t understand me, what do I care? Well, this is where I need to analyze my motives. Maybe I care because I want something from them or I’m relying on their opinion to validate my choices. If I want something from them or rely on everyone and their dog to validate my choices, then yes, I’m going to want to manipulate others by pleading my case before them to elicit as much heart-felt sympathy from them as I can. Well, I don’t want to do that. I’m afraid I have done it to a certain extent. So let’s analyze the reason I would want to use this form of persuasive communication.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I myself am not much moved by objective historical facts. But when I read a historical fiction book, the author wins my entire heart. I love to empathize with the characters in the story, walk through their trials with them, imagine how they would feel in their specific circumstances, cry with them, and rejoice with them. I would say that is a huge part of who I am. And so it follows, that when I explain things, I love to tell the story behind it. I like to explain the doubt in the beginning, the emotional turmoil throughout the hard times, and the surge of triumph in the end. When I explain myself, my actions, what’s wrong with me, or what’s right with me to a trusted friend, I like to use body language, facial expressions, and tones of voice. When I write, I like to use images, music, scriptures, talks, or books that describe and connect with the point I'm making. I love to tell about all the details and get behind all the internal reasoning. </span> <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">If my goal is to help another person and be empathetic to their own situation, then I am convinced this form of communication is a total strength. Music is a prime example of empathetic storytelling. We listen to it and feel peace because someone else has felt the same way we have. What a relief! We’re normal! Sometimes a true friend will even let us tell our whole story, emotions and all, just so we can sort it out. We may not be looking for their empathy and most likely are not looking for them to solve the problem for us but just being able to slow things down and talk it out is a way we can start to work it out ourselves. Finding an empathetic ear in a friend actually assists with this process.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">But let’s say we need to communicate with someone with whom we are in conflict or someone we don’t know very well like a police officer, the insurance company, a judge of some sort, a home owner's association, or even a medical professional. In these situations it may be best to have the skill to objectively and summarily explain the situation. We can keep ourselves objective by just explaining the key facts of the situation. We can even describe the emotions or physical feelings in short order without reenacting them. We don’t need to worry if they believe us or not. They can choose. In fact if we don’t come across manipulative, they will probably be more inclined to believe us. When we do this we demonstrate through our actions that we respect the other person’s boundaries and their right to choose. We honor their time and their agency. If we're in doubt of our own story, position, or opinion, we don’t want to try to get others to believe us to reassure us. That’s not going to solve our insecurity. We need to go home, study it all out, work it out with our God and/or a trusted friend, hear his opinion on the matter, be sensitive to the confirmation of the Holy Ghost, and then decide whether we need to hold to our position or change it. Our goal is to be honest, have integrity, and stand for truth and mercy. That’s all we have to worry about.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So as I was working on these two forms of communication today, I saw very clearly that I had more of a strength in spiritual, emotional, non-verbal communication rather than objective plain facts communication. It made me laugh because I could see how the Lord saw me. I knew he understood me but now I'm suddenly seeing him understanding me and understanding him a little better. I could sense he wasn’t condemning me. He doesn't do that. This strength, which is more abundantly found in women, is something he highly admires, values, and needs in his kingdom. But because I also admire his predominant way of communication I have this desire to balance my strength with his. So instead of being motivated by shame to curb my dominant strength, I am motivated by admiration and appreciation. How can he be so beautiful? I imagine a Man who respects our agency so much that he gives us the commandments objectively, tells us the way that it is, shows us the way that it is, and then lets us make our choices. We can choose to get behind the reasoning and empathize with our God or not. I happen to do that a lot because I absolutely love what I find. But it’s so interesting to me that God does not force us to know who he is. He allows us to choose how well we come to know him. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Last Thoughts. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I also know that Jesus Christ went through all that he did in order to obtain the greatest ability to empathize with all of us. In a sense he objectively <i>and</i> subjectively communicated through his life and sacrifice the most intense degree of non-verbal, way-that-it-is communication. He felt all that there was to feel and with no regard to his personal feelings (even though he had them more powerfully than any of us could imagine) obeyed the Father’s will, showing us all the way to deal with it. The atoning power is a product of the marriage between non-verbal and objective communication. I suppose that’s a good way of describing what mercy is. It’s the balance. It’s meeting in the middle between two extremes. So even while he doesn’t force us to empathize with him, he stretched himself so far so that whenever we need his empathy, it is voluntarily there.</span></div>
Gretchen Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08401206417850144051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3736244818041615267.post-64587884040893497722016-03-07T13:37:00.000-08:002016-04-06T12:26:42.263-07:00Timeline Judgment<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: large;">We often judge ourselves or others by our past failures. We may believe that a person has less value because there was a time in her life when she was living by a lower set of values than she does now. People change over time. They grow up. They shed past behaviors that were not so good as they learn better ones. But if we keep remembering what they used to be and let that affect the way we value them, we're using</span><span style="font-size: large;"> Timeline Judgment. Likewise, if we keep remembering what we used to be and let that affect the way we value ourselves, we're using Timeline Judgment.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The GOP debates are full of one candidate accusing another of something that was done years ago that proves he/she is totally unfit to fill the present desired position. At the same time they are trying to prove that they themselves have never done anything wrong in their lives. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This form of evaluation denies the Atonement of Jesus Christ. One of the main reasons Christ came to earth and died for us was so we could change, grow, progress, and become better than we once were. The combination of the Fall and the Atonement of Jesus Christ creates a condition or threshold in which we can learn by the mistakes we make. Our entire life is not meant to be a series of proofs that we were born a perfect individual that has made few, if any, mistakes along the way. In fact, if we’re not making mistakes, learning from them, <i><b>repenting</b></i>, and <i><b>forgiving</b></i>, we most likely aren’t progressing as efficiently as we could. I think we all understand this. But I get vibes from so may people that convey an anti-Christian message: “I’ve never really made any mistakes in my life. I’ve followed the commandments and have never deviated.” It’s almost like they are pointing to lifetime perfection as the goal we should all be trying to achieve. But in order to achieve it, we would have to lie, hide, and cover up what we once were because we all know that all of us have made mistakes, however small or large they add up to being compared to others. </span> <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The Prodigal Son’s Brother</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“And he answering said to his father, Lo, these many years do I serve thee, neither transgressed I at any time thy commandment: and yet thou never gavest me a kid, that I might make merry with my friends: But as soon as this thy son was come, which hath devoured thy living with harlots, thou hast killed for him the fatted calf. And he said unto him, Son, thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine. It was meet that we should make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/luke/15.29-32?lang=eng#28" target="_blank">Luke 15:29-32</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The real goal is to live our life as close to what we believe is the right way to live it right now. That understanding of the right way will evolve over time. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. So part of the right way to live is to not judge our past selves or others using Timeline Judgment, especially those who are trying their best to live right. But not everyone is going to understand the right way to live at the same level at any given time. While we’re all on the same general pathway, we each have a unique pathway within it. It makes no sense whatsoever to believe we are of less value because in the past we lived by less enlightened values than we do now. What matters is that once we understand a higher level value, we work to apply it to our life the best we can right now.</span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">“For behold that all little children are alive in Christ, and also all they that are without the law. For the power of redemption cometh on all them that have no law; wherefore, he that is not condemned, or he that is under no condemnation, cannot repent;” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/moro/8.22?lang=eng#21" target="_blank">Moroni 8:22-23</a></span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">"Wherefore, he has given a law; and where there is no law given there is no punishment; and where there is no punishment there is no condemnation; and where there is no condemnation the mercies of the Holy One of Israel have claim upon them, because of the atonement; for they are delivered by the power of him." ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/9.25?lang=eng#24" target="_blank">2 Nephi 9:25</a></span></i> <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I watched a documentary made on the life of C.S. Lewis last night with my kids. His entire life was progressive understanding. He started out a nominal Christian (born into a Christian family), then turned into a logician and atheist, then turned into a Theist, and finally back to a Christian but this time in true faith. He became one of Christianity’s most avid supporters and advocates. Throughout these transitions, he was always searching for truth and being guided by the Spirit. He would understand one level of truth, claim it, live it and then move on to the next. Often, lower levels of understanding had to be revisited, reorganized, and revised. I consider this progressive kind of life to be the most beautiful of all lives. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Most have heard the parable of the violin called “Touch of the Master’s Hand.” Listen to this version of it by the Booth Brothers: </span><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src=" //www.youtube.com/embed/2BZJ_TnwUWQ" width="520"></iframe>
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<span style="font-size: large;">This is what true value is—accepting the "touch of the Master's hand" for us. This is the only way we can reach our maximum potential.</span> <span style="font-size: large;">So let’s all get off our high horses and stop Timeline Judging each other. Let’s start using a little empathy, mercy, and compassion towards our past selves and towards others. The only way we're ever going to <i><b>be able</b></i> to stop self-condemnation is if we stop condemning others AND vice versa--the only way we're ever going to <i><b>be able </b></i>to stop condemning others is if we stop condemning ourselves.</span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">“Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants. And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents. But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made. The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt. </span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">“But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest. And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt.</span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">“So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done. Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me: Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee? And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.”</span></i></blockquote>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">~ <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/18.23-35?lang=eng#22" target="_blank">Matthew 18:23-35</a></span></i></blockquote>
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Gretchen Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08401206417850144051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3736244818041615267.post-14575606183181157962016-02-11T15:08:00.000-08:002016-02-11T15:08:31.246-08:00It All Starts with Humility<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: large;">When </span><span style="font-size: large;">we acknowledge our need for a Creditor </span><span style="font-size: large;">on our Goal Achievement Journey, it is an act of Humility. The acknowledgement itself creates a Broken Heart and a Contrite Spirit inside of us. Why would we want these conditions to be in our heart?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span class="verse"></span>"And ye shall offer up unto me no more the
shedding of blood; yea, your sacrifices and your burnt offerings shall
be done away, for I will accept none of your sacrifices and your burnt
offerings. And ye shall offer for a sacrifice unto me a broken heart and a contrite spirit." ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/3-ne/9.19-20?lang=eng#18" target="_blank">3 Nephi 9:19-20</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"But other fell into good ground, and brought forth fruit, some an hundredfold, some sixtyfold, some thirtyfold. Who hath ears to hear, let him hear." ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/13.8-9?lang=eng#7" target="_blank">Matthew 13:8-9 </a></i> </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: red;">Broken Heart & Contrite Spirit</span></span>
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<span style="font-size: large;">One Spring, I was studying the<i></i> concept of a Broken Heart and Contrite Spirit to understand it better. At the same time I was getting reading to plant some vegetables in the garden. In Colorado the winters can be pretty long and cold. By the Spring, the ground in the garden is hard. The dirt needs to be dug up and loosened in order to create a space for the seeds and plants to grow. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">As I was turning it over with the shovel and breaking up the large clumps, I saw how this was like having a Broken Heart and Contrite Spirit. If I had thrown the seeds on the hard earth, they probably wouldn’t have grown but instead would have been baked in the sun. Same with the plants. If I just put them on the surface, the roots would have been unprotected and the plant would have been more likely to dry up than to be nourished to growth. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">By acknowledging our need for a Creditor, we loosen the soil in our hearts in preparation to receive. The seeds or new plants that go into the ground are like the privileges we receive from our Creditor. One day they will produce vegetables or fruits. These are like the achievement of our goals. So the achievement of our goals all starts with Humility!</span><br />
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<span style="color: orange;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Gratitude</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">When we acknowledge that it is because of our Creditor that we have these seeds, plants, and the eventual harvest, we experience Gratitude towards him. The word Creditor means he is giving us these privileges before we are able to fully pay for them. He gives them to us with the expectation that we will take on certain responsibilities that are within our means in regards to this privilege. Evaluating the situation like this creates the feeling of Gratitude in our hearts. When we recognize his sacrifice on our behalf that Gratitude just flows outward to him.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“...receive it from the hand of the Lord, with a thankful heart in all things.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/62.7?lang=eng#6" target="_blank">D&C 62:7</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“And in nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things, and obey not his commandments.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/59.21?lang=eng#20" target="_blank">D&C 59:21</a></i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">To voluntarily confess his hand in all things is what produces the feeling of gratitude inside of us.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcCO7Cv4NlxyC5tlRTCSh0d8ksC9bWNrCl-_J0zlZqrxXbwtduoS9w_SNx-ABykwhrTtnzlegP_GTsEcLpk7sMX_gbKLBBdyvrhhuedgi83v4ispmcxnnIACxYtNVbZEfN7qyz_ROdxU39/s1600/Law+of+the+Harvest.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcCO7Cv4NlxyC5tlRTCSh0d8ksC9bWNrCl-_J0zlZqrxXbwtduoS9w_SNx-ABykwhrTtnzlegP_GTsEcLpk7sMX_gbKLBBdyvrhhuedgi83v4ispmcxnnIACxYtNVbZEfN7qyz_ROdxU39/s320/Law+of+the+Harvest.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="color: #38761d;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Confidence </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">When we receive privileges in advance, sometimes our responsibilities include making regular affordable payments. They almost always include a promise to maintain the privilege. A Creditor also hopes we will actually improve the privilege over time. And lastly, the agreement includes a responsibility to be a Creditor to others, especially to our own children, using the strengths that we have. We don’t expect them to pay us in full and up front. We give them time and space just as our Creditor has given us. We have reasonable expectations of them that they will fulfill their responsibilities.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /><i>“He also that had received two talents came and said, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me two talents: behold, I have gained two other talents beside them. His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/25.22-23?lang=eng#21" target="_blank">Matthew 25:22-23</a></i></span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">"Therefore said he unto them, The <span class="highlight">harvest</span> truly is great, but the labourers are few: pray ye therefore the Lord of the <span class="highlight">harvest</span>, that he would send forth labourers into his <span class="highlight">harvest</span>." ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/luke/10.2?lang=eng#1" target="_blank">Luke 10:2</a></span></i><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Fulfilling our responsibilities returns a feeling of Confidence that can be obtained in no other way. We don’t have to make believe that we are Confident. We don’t have to wait for other people to judge us on whether or not we are fulfilling our responsibilities. We don’t have to swagger or talk tough or brag of our achievements in any way in order to feel this Confidence. It won’t come through those ways. It is just in our hearts when we keep our commitments to our Creditor for the privileges we are already enjoying. </span> <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“Beloved, if our heart condemn us not, then have we <b>confidence</b> toward God.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/1-jn/3.21?lang=eng#20" target="_blank">1 John 3:21</a></i></span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">“Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy <b>confidence</b> wax strong in the presence of God;” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/121.45?lang=eng#44" target="_blank">D&C 121:45</a></span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">"Cast not away therefore your <b>confidence</b>, which hath great recompence of reward. For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise." ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/heb/10.35?lang=eng#34" target="_blank">Hebrews 10:35</a></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></i><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjL5xjUQjhTJb0o6KbZG4-EK_xJy8k2medbKe3B9G1eBPHpmlFH2d48knpaT49AsiY55sDtCtSYNvzuPWlAcZgfJaD7yy7pnPNFGDCllWlSLmtNr44z7DsjqKRlajq9sgNDgUvcwmsqqFi4/s1600/Home+Mortgage4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjL5xjUQjhTJb0o6KbZG4-EK_xJy8k2medbKe3B9G1eBPHpmlFH2d48knpaT49AsiY55sDtCtSYNvzuPWlAcZgfJaD7yy7pnPNFGDCllWlSLmtNr44z7DsjqKRlajq9sgNDgUvcwmsqqFi4/s320/Home+Mortgage4.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-size: large;">The more we keep our commitments the more sure our Confidence becomes. And when our Creditor sees how steadfast we are in keeping our commitments, he values our Word. Our <i><b>Word</b></i> is the certainty of our promise to do something. When we say we will do something, when we commit to it, others know we will do it because we have demonstrated that fact over and over again in our past actions. Our Credit History is based upon this principle. It is a record of how well we have done keeping the commitments we have entered into. Creditors who we petition for financial assistance to buy a house, a car, or anything can view our Credit History to assess whether or not it is safe to enter into a financial relationship with us.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKzxkGZWZDAfPdcsY8HYGKtgzdlDOY8DKgAW4OsiMPZ2imwXf-0omXKFWrGpzGPTjLQfHU8X9-zmtq-nkJMjD7mkNFlMshYTWrfglzH6cKTQTfP9baUkhma3uw_OyFnylE0l617vWE3l0L/s1600/Talent+Parable.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="294" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKzxkGZWZDAfPdcsY8HYGKtgzdlDOY8DKgAW4OsiMPZ2imwXf-0omXKFWrGpzGPTjLQfHU8X9-zmtq-nkJMjD7mkNFlMshYTWrfglzH6cKTQTfP9baUkhma3uw_OyFnylE0l617vWE3l0L/s320/Talent+Parable.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<i><span style="font-size: large;">“And so he that had received five talents came and brought other five talents, saying, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me five talents: behold, I have gained beside them five talents more. His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/25.20-21?lang=eng#20" target="_blank">Matthew 25:20-21</a></span></i><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0ouxcxPxGvhxI8QMqjdZXKw8wAzTv7RTVyfinF11bKb3PW6cnzd83DzdmqsiXtdQr5qIfSBzIcPDYjRyOfjKFK3e5y-9NHpz8p73sYajL8ueNdOf9XHiy_fYV-qyX-Y6m7b1sfrPqN-h-/s1600/Confidence.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="20" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0ouxcxPxGvhxI8QMqjdZXKw8wAzTv7RTVyfinF11bKb3PW6cnzd83DzdmqsiXtdQr5qIfSBzIcPDYjRyOfjKFK3e5y-9NHpz8p73sYajL8ueNdOf9XHiy_fYV-qyX-Y6m7b1sfrPqN-h-/s400/Confidence.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz45xxghBsCTMN9I-VeXXi8w_7LCBUlS4nqdcU3Zt718Y0VYOpoxkPPWsGkESu6qTj0DLcXiDdaLiNKRwopEXly6Mx1xs6FkYdV1dVhkMAcVBJIORlOylfS11Igy91uCI6TJ40e-8QpsbR/s1600/Empathy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="205" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz45xxghBsCTMN9I-VeXXi8w_7LCBUlS4nqdcU3Zt718Y0VYOpoxkPPWsGkESu6qTj0DLcXiDdaLiNKRwopEXly6Mx1xs6FkYdV1dVhkMAcVBJIORlOylfS11Igy91uCI6TJ40e-8QpsbR/s320/Empathy.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: blue;">Empathy</span> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">When we evaluate our own need for a Creditor with Humility and then experience a Broken Heart and Contrite Spirit because of it, we will look on others who are also in need of a Creditor with Empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. We don’t have this feeling automatically. If we refuse to acknowledge our Creditors, we’re not going to be very Empathetic with the needs of others. </span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">“And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors...For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/6.9,14-15?lang=eng#8" target="_blank">Matthew 6:9, 14-15</a></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><br />“Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/luke/6.38?lang=eng#37" target="_blank">Luke 6:38</a></span></i><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi71yoT2-A1L5CXYK-I1S7FXiDvAr__eS658lmCOJk1pAMkDDip1R5XYd60szNZI2qGBBYhi3uVtuCmuszaHgkISBiIqtm2I1jBcpNh90oBMwg7qFQjUovoLsAE-SISfO7No8GJwCJaTjVl/s1600/Empathy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="15" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi71yoT2-A1L5CXYK-I1S7FXiDvAr__eS658lmCOJk1pAMkDDip1R5XYd60szNZI2qGBBYhi3uVtuCmuszaHgkISBiIqtm2I1jBcpNh90oBMwg7qFQjUovoLsAE-SISfO7No8GJwCJaTjVl/s400/Empathy.jpg" width="400" /></a><span style="font-size: large;"><br /><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">What Makes our Joy Sustainable</span></span> </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7rms5OEjdZIfy_egu_7fCoqgoRux-mbzvPAk6IhaEkyb5Qv39ZuYd7crB4lob843Izr1C5GacrerFxJhspyQo62jsOEaI4njD7kIVVh1gWUIuY_DqKiM0EDxDKOjn0WPzoqX26UxPa39j/s1600/Sustainable+Joy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="169" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7rms5OEjdZIfy_egu_7fCoqgoRux-mbzvPAk6IhaEkyb5Qv39ZuYd7crB4lob843Izr1C5GacrerFxJhspyQo62jsOEaI4njD7kIVVh1gWUIuY_DqKiM0EDxDKOjn0WPzoqX26UxPa39j/s200/Sustainable+Joy.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-size: large;">Our most general desire is to experience Sustainable Joy. That's why we embark on any Goal Achievement Journey. We believe that once we achieve this goal, we will have greater and more sustainable Joy in our lives. We experience Joy when Peace and Energy are balanced and flowing inside of us. We experience Peace when we receive what we desire from others and Energy when we’re able to give others what they desire. Take for example the following scenario: A husband is on his way home from work and is super hungry. When he gets home he sees his spouse has prepared one of his favorite meals. He then experiences Peace. The entire sacrifice in selecting that particular meal, preparing it, and having it ready at just the right time carries an Energy from his wife that fills him with Peace.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_SLKlIZpJxIYNQtSgtreKAD84zAN3-b1G5IxvxUTx1AAC5chgmNmIjTMIxK8qd8SZM7zW9jhg1tMrKoFa0pwmMISNFC1pRfQvoM8P1dh9jUbijG4oJF9LfBBHJOqLJyrIqPsfQqgJlXhJ/s1600/Cooking-Dinner.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_SLKlIZpJxIYNQtSgtreKAD84zAN3-b1G5IxvxUTx1AAC5chgmNmIjTMIxK8qd8SZM7zW9jhg1tMrKoFa0pwmMISNFC1pRfQvoM8P1dh9jUbijG4oJF9LfBBHJOqLJyrIqPsfQqgJlXhJ/s1600/Cooking-Dinner.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">We experience the flow of Energy outward when we sacrifice for others. So the wife who prepared that meal has that feeling, especially if her spouse received the sacrifice with a thankful heart.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">When we both receive the sacrifices of others and in turn sacrifice for others, we experience Joy. In order for that Joy to become Sustainable, we need to add in Humility, a Broken Heart & Contrite Spirit, Gratitude, Confidence, and Empathy.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Humility is the husband’s recognition of his need for his wife’s sacrifice—her time and talents spent cooking dinner and having it ready on time. In this strength, she is like his Creditor. Because he doesn’t stop for food somewhere else, he experiences hunger, which is a form of a Broken Heart & Contrite Spirit. There are probably plenty of opportunities to grab something to eat on his way home but he does not yield to the temptation and determines to suffer the hunger for a time in order to receive this blessing from his wife.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0e9gE0fV-y-pgjBokSV6gzPQdFg5MOQ_CY1ONuLMc7WPorBy79zZwcBbb66zHiAVR7Cec_rIcvxet-dBDX-AcQwM0JP1S0wdyaSy_UAN8Br3ak3M4WWqPKBw42Hpxr3XGKCUY42-RhOke/s1600/wife-cooking-dinner.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="159" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0e9gE0fV-y-pgjBokSV6gzPQdFg5MOQ_CY1ONuLMc7WPorBy79zZwcBbb66zHiAVR7Cec_rIcvxet-dBDX-AcQwM0JP1S0wdyaSy_UAN8Br3ak3M4WWqPKBw42Hpxr3XGKCUY42-RhOke/s320/wife-cooking-dinner.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">The wife is thinking about her husband and his dependence upon her. She has previously committed to him to prepare dinner and have it ready at a certain time. Because she continually keeps this commitment, she has Confidence. Her husband also has Confidence in her Word. She has a pretty good Credit History, which helps him withstand the temptation to go to other sources for his needs. The wife also has Empathy for her husband because she knows he must be hungry. She knows how it feels to be hungry and then to be able to eat. It gives her pleasure to be the one who satisfies that need.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This may sound crazy, but just in that one consistent commitment-keeping process between this husband and wife, Sustainable Joy is developed. The hope is that they strive to apply this general principle to all their other interactions with each other.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDl8uWgY4hBQpWHsw0oBNUSJ12qp3Ap-znxvYZWh3pGuXI_BgbTd5-MORvNclcUN_L0P0yA_lMw66Mliz4hm8SJDeqWDyWdIGZfWxN2q3D4Q-hD43J4z43663Gyv6cYSsP7W0eC6o0usM/s1600/go+back.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDl8uWgY4hBQpWHsw0oBNUSJ12qp3Ap-znxvYZWh3pGuXI_BgbTd5-MORvNclcUN_L0P0yA_lMw66Mliz4hm8SJDeqWDyWdIGZfWxN2q3D4Q-hD43J4z43663Gyv6cYSsP7W0eC6o0usM/s320/go+back.jpg" width="216" /></a></div>
<span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Find Your Way Back</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">This seems pretty simple. So why aren’t we all applying this to our Goal Achievement Journey? Why aren’t we all making and keeping commitments like this with those we love in order to achieve our goals? I can think of a hundred things that happen to interfere with the above husband-wife scenario. Just to name a few: Kids, sickness, death, misunderstandings, disagreements, un-repentance, un-forgiveness, personal baggage, lack of communication, lack of faith, lack of knowledge, temptations, pride, and envy. Adversity.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So the name of the game is acquiring the knowledge of what creates Sustainable Attraction...</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjueYZWph9mhaG1XlmCn34SbSpAraXxSuXmxEdup4WpX8Wu-U-FWwZKDeOYr0hAWa5dp1x3P4QEfqaY4HKXPrO1oahTP5G4ElK6NrQhsRCtrZ6fBOYN3WFCHoY3YHxrfasq0SlZNja4u6QB/s1600/Joy+%253D+Peace+and+Energy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="92" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjueYZWph9mhaG1XlmCn34SbSpAraXxSuXmxEdup4WpX8Wu-U-FWwZKDeOYr0hAWa5dp1x3P4QEfqaY4HKXPrO1oahTP5G4ElK6NrQhsRCtrZ6fBOYN3WFCHoY3YHxrfasq0SlZNja4u6QB/s320/Joy+%253D+Peace+and+Energy.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi71yoT2-A1L5CXYK-I1S7FXiDvAr__eS658lmCOJk1pAMkDDip1R5XYd60szNZI2qGBBYhi3uVtuCmuszaHgkISBiIqtm2I1jBcpNh90oBMwg7qFQjUovoLsAE-SISfO7No8GJwCJaTjVl/s1600/Empathy.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="16" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi71yoT2-A1L5CXYK-I1S7FXiDvAr__eS658lmCOJk1pAMkDDip1R5XYd60szNZI2qGBBYhi3uVtuCmuszaHgkISBiIqtm2I1jBcpNh90oBMwg7qFQjUovoLsAE-SISfO7No8GJwCJaTjVl/s400/Empathy.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">...and then having continuous faith in it, while repenting and forgiving as soon as possible when adversity and temptation get us off track. Because our Savior knows that life happens, we just need to always be striving to get back to that state of Sustainable Joy. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />Listen: "<a href="http://songsofredeeminglv.blogspot.com/2016/02/go-back-by-sweethaven.html" target="_blank">Go Back</a>" by SweetHaven</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />Listen: “<a href="http://soulmatesmarriage.blogspot.com/2016/02/jefferson-starship-find-your-way-back.html" target="_blank">Find Your Way Back</a>” by Jefferson Starship</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1UdbbwbYIYNPzw7vdh9Ap6ahSi95Rku39kVL-9bdt7Ig9qCbv9GrlzExw-Y7tHmkuk2j3kzm2sv0JdJk76G4TxOKIFpyetmDQLvKR9kHRt3Bge8aitRcRumCp5hi5N6keWw_BZjQ5JrOE/s1600/repentance.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1UdbbwbYIYNPzw7vdh9Ap6ahSi95Rku39kVL-9bdt7Ig9qCbv9GrlzExw-Y7tHmkuk2j3kzm2sv0JdJk76G4TxOKIFpyetmDQLvKR9kHRt3Bge8aitRcRumCp5hi5N6keWw_BZjQ5JrOE/s320/repentance.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<i><span style="font-size: large;">“We believe that the first principles and ordinances of the Gospel are: first, Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ; second, Repentance; third, Baptism by immersion for the remission of sins; fourth, Laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/pgp/a-of-f/1.4?lang=eng#3" target="_blank">Article of Faith 4</a></span></i><br />
<i><br /><span style="font-size: large;">“And he commandeth all men that they must repent, and be baptized in his name, having perfect faith in the Holy One of Israel, or they cannot be saved in the kingdom of God.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/9.23?lang=eng#22" target="_blank">2 Nephi 9:23</a></span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">“I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/64.10?lang=eng#9" target="_blank">D&C 64:10</a></span></i><br />
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Gretchen Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08401206417850144051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3736244818041615267.post-26689720747671284802016-02-08T12:31:00.002-08:002016-02-09T08:51:34.714-08:00Commitment<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCAAjICluEBdM85I62AU4FzzKkxiH7fRfXDFpM2qJNUKCSP9XGOb_LdZLm-7rvOGdXzKPEB489OyS7zyVMsxy8cHGwYBBk7Qw0ky_5gQAgRF3eHkl4N9lHgWoXSYVL5iiTmvt3MaU1q-rN/s1600/Bell+curve.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCAAjICluEBdM85I62AU4FzzKkxiH7fRfXDFpM2qJNUKCSP9XGOb_LdZLm-7rvOGdXzKPEB489OyS7zyVMsxy8cHGwYBBk7Qw0ky_5gQAgRF3eHkl4N9lHgWoXSYVL5iiTmvt3MaU1q-rN/s320/Bell+curve.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">Commitments are the things we need to do on a regular basis because we have already received the privilege. For example, because we have all received a body, we have certain obligations to care for it. There are rules that we need to follow to keep it in homeostasis, otherwise it will die. It is a given that the body needs to breathe, eat, drink, and stay within a certain temperature or we will not have our body anymore. Some of us try to keep these commitments with as much balance as possible. We strive for optimal health--as much as is in our personal control. Others of us barely keep these commitments. We push the body's laws to the limit. We allow quite a bit of imbalance and are only motivated to obey the laws by adverse results. Most of us keep our commitments somewhere in between those two extremes (#BellCurve). That choice has been given to each of us.</span> <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Optimally caring for any of our privileges is difficult. Slacking on our commitment keeping is easy to do. But as we all know there are different consequences for these choices. Most of us swing like a pendulum to some degree between optimal commitment keeping and mediocre commitment keeping (I know I do). We each choose just how committed we will be to our commitments.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Take a few minutes to reflect on your commitments and goals. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: blue;">What are your Commitments?</span></span><br />
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<li><span style="font-size: large;">How much time does each take per day/week/month?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">How much time in a day do you have? When do you wake up? When do you go to sleep?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">What time do you do each of your commitments?</span></li>
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<span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: large;">What is your new Goal?</span></span><br />
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<li><span style="font-size: large;">How much time will it take per day/week/month to work on obtaining it?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">How much time will it take to maintain this privilege once you obtain it?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Do you have that much time, given your present commitments?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">What time of the day/week/month will you work on your goal? </span></li>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">“For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it? Lest haply, after he hath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him, Saying, This man began to build, and was not able to finish. Or what king, going to make war against another king, sitteth not down first, and consulteth whether he be able with ten thousand to meet him that cometh against him with twenty thousand? Or else, while the other is yet a great way off, he sendeth an ambassage, and desireth conditions of peace.” ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/luke/14.28-32?lang=eng#27" target="_blank">Luke 14:28-32</a></span></i><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Sometimes our goal is to become more committed to our present commitments. When we work on this, we increase our balance and self-confidence. <b>There is no better way to obtain real confidence than to develop the ability to keep the commitments for the privileges we are already enjoying. </b></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Sometimes our goal is to add more privileges to the ones we already enjoy. There’s no better way to add excitement, energy, and challenge to our lives than to embark on a Goal Achievement Journey. But if we desire to add more, we need to be able to fit them into our lives. We need to have a space for them. We need to be able to fit them into our budget—time, money, space, etc. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The more we optimally care for our present commitments, the easier it becomes to care for them. It’s kind of like when we first set out to create a good habit, it’s hard, time consuming, energy consuming, and requires much of our focus like a young child learning how to walk. But once the skill is learned, it becomes second nature and we can keep doing it while adding other skills to our repertoire.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Commitment keeping is best done if it is motivated by gratitude. We maintain that gratitude through remembering. For example, over the past ten years I have learned so many new skills that enable me to maintain my balance in the face of adversity much more than I was able to before 2006. My benefactor is Jesus Christ. I am more grateful for his training than I am for anything else I have ever learned! Where I was before, compared to where I am now is like black and white. As he was teaching me through the scriptures, through my prayers, and through personal revelation I remember being astounded by the simplicity yet profoundness of it all. His love completed me. Every new step was an exciting challenge. <b><i>Before</i></b>, I could not respect myself because I knew the way I was responding to adversity wasn’t right. <b><i>After</i></b>, my faith in Christ increased and I learned how to actually put his teachings into practice. That's when I could feel that I was right (<i>"</i></span><span style="font-size: large;"><i>If thou doest well, thou shalt be accepted." ~<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/pgp/moses/5.23?lang=eng#22" target="_blank">Moses 5:23</a></i>). The contrast between the way I felt before to the way I felt after was remarkable! </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaXXhZIgJEYOW37EKAuFPZxGYllzT-v4msmB7QD908nXXK_MnFQHmPhFukXTXNhUTlj_Ky9nPWTbPIN0hK25ZkWc93Dro4Q4jxlheTWLylNwrlbHwNvf02vqa9uswoUE34x3C9KHghJ70e/s1600/Journal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaXXhZIgJEYOW37EKAuFPZxGYllzT-v4msmB7QD908nXXK_MnFQHmPhFukXTXNhUTlj_Ky9nPWTbPIN0hK25ZkWc93Dro4Q4jxlheTWLylNwrlbHwNvf02vqa9uswoUE34x3C9KHghJ70e/s320/Journal.jpg" width="302" /></a><span style="font-size: large;">For a while this contrast kept the blessings fresh in my mind but now it has been a number of years since the first stark changes. I sometimes forget how it used to be. And that causes me to forget my gratitude for what he did for me. It almost seems like I’ve always been this way. But I haven't! Before it was a kind of hell for me. After it has been a kind of heaven! When I regularly read the journals I’ve kept over the past ten years, I am reminded of this change and the joy comes flooding full force into my soul again as if I were reliving it. And that motivates me to continue keeping the commitments that maintain those precious skills.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Listen: “<a href="http://songsofredeeminglv.blogspot.com/2014/02/sing-redeeming-love.html" target="_blank">Me Without You</a>” by TobyMac</span></div>
Gretchen Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08401206417850144051noreply@blogger.com0