Survival of the Fittest

Survival of the Fittest is the default way for the animal kingdom to obtain their Desires.  In order for us to avoid being animal-like ourselves in our thoughts and actions we need to stand up against that default current inside of ourselves.  In fact, our duty is to obtain our Desires and resolve our Conflicts in the opposite way.  We assist those who are weaker to survive while TRUSTING in a General Cause’s promise:  when we commit to this Process, he makes sure we are also assisted.

"Let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth." (Matt 6:1-4)

When we do sacrifice our own immediate needs for others, we don’t wait there with our hand out expectantly.  We focus on what our Cause has already provided for us in the past, both Generally and Specifically.  We have faith, according to the accumulation of past experiences we have had with him, that he will also provide in the future.  Not having all that we need and want right now enables us to increase our faith.  It is a Strengthening Process.  We trust that our General Cause knows our Threshold. 

We go through these Strengthening Processes because they are the very Process to obtain our Desire—the Desire we’ve been asking our Cause to help us obtain over which we do not have direct control.

We all have Desires.  Sometimes we wish we had a Genie in a Lamp who could just say the magic word and BOOM—Desire Obtained.  But most of us would never be satisfied with that because we know that a crucial part of satisfaction comes from the sacrifices we must make in order to win the prize. 

The reality of the situation is if we have a Desire, we need to identify the inherent pathway to obtain it.

"There is a law irrevocably decreed..."D&C 130:20-21

So what is a Desire’s inherent pathway?  Let’s say the Desire we have is to improve or regain the health in a Specific relationship.  The other member of that relationship, then, becomes our Desire, our destination.  In order to obtain or regain that desired relationship with this person, we need to identify two General variables:

1. That person’s Specific Desires
2. Our General Cause’s Desire

If we haven’t yet chosen a Cause (other than the other member of this relationship) and developed a relationship with him, that would be our first step.  If this other person has not been willing or able for whatever reason to fulfill her inherent role in the relationship, it is important to heal and strengthen with our General Cause as our A-1 Priority!

Each person has a code.  This code is made up of an individual's Desires.  It is the road map to her soul.  It is the set of directions that guide us to winning his heart.  What does she want in a man?  What does he need in a mother?  What does she hope for in this relationship?  What does he want in a wife?  What makes her happy, specifically?  What makes him happy?  When she needs energy and excitement in her life, what satisfies that Desire?  When he needs peace and comfort, what can we Specifically do for him?  When she is angry, what needs to be done to calm that inflammation before true healing can occur?  When he is depressed, what does he need to understand about himself first before he regains the Desire to voluntarily sacrifice?

Our General Cause also has a code.  If we just gave the other person in our relationship everything she wanted, that most likely would not end in Sustainable Results.  What the other person thinks she Specifically wants or needs may not be in alignment with what she Generally wants and needs.  So we temper the fulfillment of that person’s Desires with the fulfillment of our Cause’s Desires.  He will both coach us in the Specific things we can say and do for her as well as the things we need to withhold from saying and doing.  He instructs us in the Balance of giving so we don’t give gifts that are too much or too little.  If we overdo it here, we may suffocate her, which causes her to think we have hidden Survival motives.  If we underdo it, we may be starving her and this leaves her susceptible to turning to Conflicting Causes.

Listen:  "Middle of Your Heart" by For King and Country

So in essence, we obtain a Desire in a relationship by taking upon us the Cause role.  We are the one who sacrifices first.  We give up our expectations and demands.  We turn to our General Cause for our Specific Desires.  If our Desire truly is to obtain a Sustainable relationship with this person, then her Specific Desires must become our main Desires.  This is the only way to reduce inflammation AND increase attraction in a relationship.

Listen:  "Live Like You Were Dyin" by Tim McGraw

But here is the # 1 Fear:  Will that person take advantage of me when I do this?  Will they step all over me like a rug?  Will they respond to me like a parasite does its host? Will they choose to take on the freeloader role in our relationship? This is a terrible risk.  Our life is on the line.

No one wants to be taken advantage of like that.  Yet we are all willing to do it WITH THE END GOAL to establish Sustainability in relationships.  The hope is that the other member will not take “our name” in vain.  They will realize what’s going on and work to strengthen their own ability to sacrifice.

The key is for us to rely on our General Cause while this is going on.  He will not only govern us in how to regulate what we do, say, and give but also will evaluate the other member’s response Process.  He is not going to make us endure in a parasitic relationship forever.  That is hell—bondage—and it is not expected of us.  There will come a time when either the relationship will heal or improve or our General Cause will say, “It is finished.”  He knows when that is, while we may have a biased opinion.  That’s why it’s important when engaging in this sacrifice Process to give our will up to him.  We say we are willing to sacrifice all that he requires of us for as long as HE requires it of us even if it hurts.  We trust him.  He provides HIS PEACE for us while we are on this journey.  He’s not going to make us run faster or slower than we have strength.  Yet he expects us to work within our Thresholds.

Distance and Role Reversal

When he says, “It is finished,” it doesn’t mean that’s the end of all interactions with this person.  It means we’ve got to establish a new relationship with her.  It usually includes the variables of Distance and Role Reversal.  Maybe the source of the Conflict is that we’re too close.  A degree of separation where our interactions are not so frequent may resolve the Conflict permanently.  Yet, if the relationship has previously been close, the only way to maintain love without being sucked into the chains of Enmity is to engage in Role Reversal.

I've spoken of Role Reversal before but have not put this name on it.  Sometimes the “It is finished”  means the end of certain roles we have played in a relationship and the beginning of swapped roles.  The solution may very well be to flip the predominant roles of Cause and Child. This can only be done with a General Cause as the third member of the relationship.

Going the extra mile.

For example, if we have a parent who is more in need of our sacrifice for him or her continuously, then if we have consciousness, choice, and Desire we can flip these roles.  If this other person wants us to sacrifice more often and more intensely for him/her while not being able to return it at a similar or higher rate, then we will oblige them ("And whoseover shall compel thee to go a mile..." Matt 5:41) .  Instead of resorting to hatred and a feudal separation, we have this alternative.

Listen and Watch (swap that role!)

When we force someone, anyone, even those that should stand in a certain role for us, to sacrifice for us, Conflict arises.  Love can only flow when sacrifice is voluntary.  Yet we cannot deny that those who act as parasites in relationships for extended periods of time (especially those who take advantage of little Children) will be forced to Generally sacrifice in the end.  Not by us but by the Causes of Justice which basically leave them to themselves in that default Survival of the Fittest, parasitic world.  As they have taken advantage of the weak, they will also be taken advantage of in turn.

To understand this resolution Process, the bottom line is that in any given relationship, there is someone who resides in the Cause role and someone who resides in the Child role ("Beware of Pride"; "He shall turn the heart of the fathers to their children..." Malachi 4:5-6).  It is the way that it is.  There are certain relationships where these roles need to be Balanced in order to function as they were intended.  When Balance is achieved, a single Sustainable relationship is formed in all its splendor and amazing Joy!

Listen:  "Forever" by Maxine Soakai (feat. David Osmond)

 

The Master Apprentice

When we see someone who has Strength--a skill, a relationship, or something else of value that we would like to have, we can choose to Envy them or to Admire and Learn from them.

What makes this hard is if the person who has this Strength doesn’t know how to train us or teach us how to obtain it.  S/he was just born with it.

The Clockmaker's Apprentice

I heard this story about 10 years ago but I can’t find it anywhere so I will retell it in my own words.   

A master clockmaker was training a group of apprentices.  One day they came upon a very difficult skill to learn that the master could not explain.  All he knew was that he just did it.  He didn’t know how to teach it.  He said, "Just do it."  All day long the apprentices tried to "just do it" but none of them could.  

 So there was a problem:  How were the apprentices ever going to become master clockmakers if the master could not teach this crucial skill?   

That night one of the apprentices stayed late to continue trying to figure it out. He tried all different ways, working long into the night.  Finally he got it!  He figured out what they were all doing wrong and the specific thing they needed to change to get it right.

The next day he came into the shop and was able to teach all the other apprentices what the master clockmaker was not able to.  All of them got it.

So sometimes we see someone with a Strength and they may not know how to teach it to us because it is an inherent Strength—one they just have.  They can use it to provide clocks for other people to use but they can’t train others in the skill. 

Listen:  "He Walked a Mile in my Shoes" by Dan Truman and David Osmond

When we Admire a Strength in someone and want to learn how to obtain it for ourselves the person we need to find is the Master Apprentice--the one who did not have the Strength initially and had to learn it his/herself.  That person not only has the Strength but also the Strength to teach it to us. 

 

We need Master Clockmakers.  They are Exemplars.  And sometimes we only need to purchase a clock from him.  We don't have a Desire to learn how to build one.  But for whatever Specific Strength we desire to acquire, we need the Master Apprentice.  

Listen:  "I am the Light" by Maxine Soakai (Feat. David Osmond)

Love your Workout WHILE you're Working Out

I know this is radical thinking in a day and age where the majority of gyms and programs advocate kick-butt workouts.  I suggest that in order to continue in these types of workouts we HAVE TO think certain prideful and envious thoughts that are not conducive to long-term health.  Neither are they conducive to Sustainable Joy in our relationships. 

A few years ago when I was teaching fitness classes, I would end up with a headache by the end of the day.  Even though I was keeping the level of my heart rate within my appropriate age-range AND I felt just fine DURING the workout, my Results indicated that I was working out way too hard.

Exercise-induced Headaches

 I went to doctors, tried out medications, energy and electrolyte drinks, and all kinds of different resolution processes but could not change my Results.  I realized I was working beyond my Northwest Threshold.

 

Northwest Threshold:  The Strengthening Process

Northwest is an adjective I use to name the concept of running faster than we have strength, pushing ourselves too hard, going way overboard in our sacrifice process whether it is exercising, serving, or doing anything.

We have to process.  That is our verb.  It's what we do.  Overdoing it is processing in the Northwest.  Underdoing it is processing in the Northeast.

But when our Desire is to increase our physical strength, we know we need to push our body beyond what is comfortable.  Pushing it too far results in injury.  Not pushing it hard enough results in atrophy.  Each of us individually has our own Threshold. When we find it and engage in it continuously increased strength is our Result.

To obtain long-term physical fitness, we can identify our Threshold using standardize heart rate formulas and then monitor our heart rate during exercise by pulse checks or by wearing a heart rate monitor.  These numeric evaluations assist us in identifying our General Threshold. But we may have some specific health issues that require us to exercise at a lower or higher intensity than the average person our age, weight, and resting heart rate.  This is when we can rely on Perceived Exertion.

See:  http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/borg-scale/

I first learned about Perceived Exertion as a fitness instructor.  But I always struggled with having enough faith in its accuracy.  I could push myself pretty hard and feel fine during the workout.  Yet the headache at the end of the day kept telling me my Perceived Exertion rating was not accurate.

I have come to rely on a different type of Perceived Exertion.  Instead of focusing on a Pain Threshold, I have learned to focus on a Joy Threshold.  How much am I enjoying this?

Here’s how I find it:  I have thoughts come into my mind when I’m working out.  When I’m in my Northwest Threshold, I’m thinking “Life is good!  I love exercising.”  I feel strong, motivated, energized.  Exercising with good friends increases the Joy factor. Since my favorite friend is Jesus Christ, I basically engage in prayer and listen to his responses during my workouts.  This communication process is maximized when I’m within my Northwest Threshold.

Beyond Our Threshold

When I go too hard, my thoughts change.  “When is this going to be over?  How much time do I have left?  Oh, I don’t really like doing this.  I don’t feel too good.”  I feel stressed and weak.  I start thinking about what pleasures I can have after I’m done. Eating, taking a bath, resting.  My mind is preoccupied with the short-term future.  I’m living too much for the future and not enough in the present.

When my will is not in it, exercising ceases to be a LONG-TERM strengthening process.  I’m just getting through it.  It’s true I’ll burn the calories this time and that’s beneficial.  But I’m not establishing a good habit.   

Good habits are sealed by the experience of Joy.  When I’m exercising within my Northwest Threshold, I feel that Joy.  And I remember it.  And so I look forward to the next time I get to exercise.  Long-term habit and thus long-term health is promoted.

Relocating to:  Beyond NW Threshold  

Listen:  "Popular" from the Broadway play Wicked

Here are the thoughts I HAVE TO think if I work out beyond my Northwest Threshold continuously:  “I work harder than other people.  I’m going to get so fit that everyone will love me.  I’ve got to catch up to Jane Jones over there.  She’s way ahead of me.  My rear end is so large compared to Susie’s.  Or my waistline is more narrow than that woman’s.  I look good because I exercise this hard.  I am well loved because of how good I look.  The people at [work, church, neighbors, etc.] will think I’m hot.  And that means they love.  If I’m not hot now, I will be.  I’ll show them.  They will all love me when I’m skinny and fit!  I am not well loved because of how overweight and unfit I am.”  We pave the real joy we would otherwise feel with a parking lot of pride and envy.

Listen:  "Big Yellow Taxi" by Amy Grant

I remember when I was going to Yoga classes that these kinds of thoughts were automatic and involuntary.  I mean I didn’t consciously decide to think them.  They were just there.  I saw some people who couldn’t touch their toes and thought, “Look how well I can touch mine.  I must be better than them.”  And then I felt good about myself.  I saw some people who could do unsupported handstands for a LONG TIME and I couldn’t.  I thought, “Someday I will be able to do that.  Then I will be as good as them.  People will admire me like I’m admiring them.  When I can do that, I’ll be of greater value.”

There is truth to these thoughts.  If I can touch my toes I have a talent.  If toe-touching flexibility is required in a certain situation, I would be your go-to girl.  I can help!  And that makes me feel good.  It is a strength in which I use to serve others.  But if I don’t think that the purpose of my strengths is to help others and instead think that they have stand-alone-do-nothing-to-help-others value, they are really pretty useless and therefore not valuable.  They are vain.

Read and Listen:  "Me Without You" by TobyMac

Think about the reasons you love the people you do.  What are they?  Does the fact that someone else can do an unsupported handstand longer than you ever strengthened the bonds of love in your relationship with that person?

This Alternate Perception can get in the way of Perceived Exertion (Paving Paradise).  And when it does we end up past our Northwest Threshold with injury or some other chronic condition.  I know because I’ve been there.  It actually distracts us from being able to sense the Effects that define our Northwest Threshold.  And overtime, as we continually ignore the warning Effects, we become numb to them.  So we can no longer accurately perceive our exertion!  We inaccurately identify running faster than we have strength as our Northwest Threshold.  We depend on those pride thoughts for our happiness and the envious ones for our motivation.

So what if we have this Alternate Perception as a habit.  We’re already numb to Perceived Exertion.  How do we get out of it?  How can we regain sensitivity to the true physical and spiritual Effects that define most accurately our Northwest Threshold?

What happens to your thoughts when you exercise at TOO LITTLE intensity?

How do you feel?

What do you do to compensate?

What thoughts come into your mind to prevent you from increasing your intensity?  What thoughts do you HAVE TO think in order to continue exercising beyond your Northeast Threshold (exercising below your capacity)?

When do you notice these thoughts coming automatically or involuntarily to your mind?

I tried to answer these questions about my own Northeast Threshold and Imbalance but found this is still a relative mystery to me.  I need to take more time to study it.  If you respond to these questions, it will accelerate my understanding.