When we acknowledge our need for a Creditor on our Goal Achievement Journey, it is an act of Humility. The acknowledgement itself creates a Broken Heart and a Contrite Spirit inside of us. Why would we want these conditions to be in our heart?
"And ye shall offer up unto me no more the
shedding of blood; yea, your sacrifices and your burnt offerings shall
be done away, for I will accept none of your sacrifices and your burnt
offerings. And ye shall offer for a sacrifice unto me a broken heart and a contrite spirit." ~3 Nephi 9:19-20
"But other fell into good ground, and brought forth fruit, some an hundredfold, some sixtyfold, some thirtyfold. Who hath ears to hear, let him hear." ~Matthew 13:8-9
Broken Heart & Contrite Spirit
One Spring, I was studying the concept of a Broken Heart and Contrite Spirit to understand it better. At the same time I was getting reading to plant some vegetables in the garden. In Colorado the winters can be pretty long and cold. By the Spring, the ground in the garden is hard. The dirt needs to be dug up and loosened in order to create a space for the seeds and plants to grow.
As I was turning it over with the shovel and breaking up the large clumps, I saw how this was like having a Broken Heart and Contrite Spirit. If I had thrown the seeds on the hard earth, they probably wouldn’t have grown but instead would have been baked in the sun. Same with the plants. If I just put them on the surface, the roots would have been unprotected and the plant would have been more likely to dry up than to be nourished to growth.
By acknowledging our need for a Creditor, we loosen the soil in our hearts in preparation to receive. The seeds or new plants that go into the ground are like the privileges we receive from our Creditor. One day they will produce vegetables or fruits. These are like the achievement of our goals. So the achievement of our goals all starts with Humility!
Gratitude
When we acknowledge that it is because of our Creditor that we have these seeds, plants, and the eventual harvest, we experience Gratitude towards him. The word Creditor means he is giving us these privileges before we are able to fully pay for them. He gives them to us with the expectation that we will take on certain responsibilities that are within our means in regards to this privilege. Evaluating the situation like this creates the feeling of Gratitude in our hearts. When we recognize his sacrifice on our behalf that Gratitude just flows outward to him.
“...receive it from the hand of the Lord, with a thankful heart in all things.” ~D&C 62:7
“And in nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things, and obey not his commandments.” ~D&C 59:21
To voluntarily confess his hand in all things is what produces the feeling of gratitude inside of us.
Confidence
When we receive privileges in advance, sometimes our responsibilities include making regular affordable payments. They almost always include a promise to maintain the privilege. A Creditor also hopes we will actually improve the privilege over time. And lastly, the agreement includes a responsibility to be a Creditor to others, especially to our own children, using the strengths that we have. We don’t expect them to pay us in full and up front. We give them time and space just as our Creditor has given us. We have reasonable expectations of them that they will fulfill their responsibilities.
“He also that had received two talents came and said, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me two talents: behold, I have gained two other talents beside them. His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.” ~Matthew 25:22-23
"Therefore said he unto them, The harvest truly is great, but the labourers are few: pray ye therefore the Lord of the harvest, that he would send forth labourers into his harvest." ~Luke 10:2
Fulfilling our responsibilities returns a feeling of Confidence that can be obtained in no other way. We don’t have to make believe that we are Confident. We don’t have to wait for other people to judge us on whether or not we are fulfilling our responsibilities. We don’t have to swagger or talk tough or brag of our achievements in any way in order to feel this Confidence. It won’t come through those ways. It is just in our hearts when we keep our commitments to our Creditor for the privileges we are already enjoying.
“Beloved, if our heart condemn us not, then have we confidence toward God.” ~1 John 3:21
“Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God;” ~D&C 121:45
"Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward. For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise." ~Hebrews 10:35
The more we keep our commitments the more sure our Confidence becomes. And when our Creditor sees how steadfast we are in keeping our commitments, he values our Word. Our Word is the certainty of our promise to do something. When we say we will do something, when we commit to it, others know we will do it because we have demonstrated that fact over and over again in our past actions. Our Credit History is based upon this principle. It is a record of how well we have done keeping the commitments we have entered into. Creditors who we petition for financial assistance to buy a house, a car, or anything can view our Credit History to assess whether or not it is safe to enter into a financial relationship with us.
“And so he that had received five talents came and brought other five talents, saying, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me five talents: behold, I have gained beside them five talents more. His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.” ~Matthew 25:20-21
Empathy
When we evaluate our own need for a Creditor with Humility and then experience a Broken Heart and Contrite Spirit because of it, we will look on others who are also in need of a Creditor with Empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. We don’t have this feeling automatically. If we refuse to acknowledge our Creditors, we’re not going to be very Empathetic with the needs of others.
“And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors...For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” ~Matthew 6:9, 14-15
“Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.” ~Luke 6:38
What Makes our Joy Sustainable
Our most general desire is to experience Sustainable Joy. That's why we embark on any Goal Achievement Journey. We believe that once we achieve this goal, we will have greater and more sustainable Joy in our lives. We experience Joy when Peace and Energy are balanced and flowing inside of us. We experience Peace when we receive what we desire from others and Energy when we’re able to give others what they desire. Take for example the following scenario: A husband is on his way home from work and is super hungry. When he gets home he sees his spouse has prepared one of his favorite meals. He then experiences Peace. The entire sacrifice in selecting that particular meal, preparing it, and having it ready at just the right time carries an Energy from his wife that fills him with Peace.
We experience the flow of Energy outward when we sacrifice for others. So the wife who prepared that meal has that feeling, especially if her spouse received the sacrifice with a thankful heart.
When we both receive the sacrifices of others and in turn sacrifice for others, we experience Joy. In order for that Joy to become Sustainable, we need to add in Humility, a Broken Heart & Contrite Spirit, Gratitude, Confidence, and Empathy.
Humility is the husband’s recognition of his need for his wife’s sacrifice—her time and talents spent cooking dinner and having it ready on time. In this strength, she is like his Creditor. Because he doesn’t stop for food somewhere else, he experiences hunger, which is a form of a Broken Heart & Contrite Spirit. There are probably plenty of opportunities to grab something to eat on his way home but he does not yield to the temptation and determines to suffer the hunger for a time in order to receive this blessing from his wife.
The wife is thinking about her husband and his dependence upon her. She has previously committed to him to prepare dinner and have it ready at a certain time. Because she continually keeps this commitment, she has Confidence. Her husband also has Confidence in her Word. She has a pretty good Credit History, which helps him withstand the temptation to go to other sources for his needs. The wife also has Empathy for her husband because she knows he must be hungry. She knows how it feels to be hungry and then to be able to eat. It gives her pleasure to be the one who satisfies that need.
This may sound crazy, but just in that one consistent commitment-keeping process between this husband and wife, Sustainable Joy is developed. The hope is that they strive to apply this general principle to all their other interactions with each other.
Find Your Way Back
This seems pretty simple. So why aren’t we all applying this to our Goal Achievement Journey? Why aren’t we all making and keeping commitments like this with those we love in order to achieve our goals? I can think of a hundred things that happen to interfere with the above husband-wife scenario. Just to name a few: Kids, sickness, death, misunderstandings, disagreements, un-repentance, un-forgiveness, personal baggage, lack of communication, lack of faith, lack of knowledge, temptations, pride, and envy. Adversity.
So the name of the game is acquiring the knowledge of what creates Sustainable Attraction...
...and then having continuous faith in it, while repenting and forgiving as soon as possible when adversity and temptation get us off track. Because our Savior knows that life happens, we just need to always be striving to get back to that state of Sustainable Joy.
Listen: "Go Back" by SweetHaven
Listen: “Find Your Way Back” by Jefferson Starship
“We believe that the first principles and ordinances of the Gospel are: first, Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ; second, Repentance; third, Baptism by immersion for the remission of sins; fourth, Laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost.” ~Article of Faith 4
“And he commandeth all men that they must repent, and be baptized in his name, having perfect faith in the Holy One of Israel, or they cannot be saved in the kingdom of God.” ~2 Nephi 9:23
“I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.” ~D&C 64:10
Commitments are the things we need to do on a regular basis because we have already received the privilege. For example, because we have all received a body, we have certain obligations to care for it. There are rules that we need to follow to keep it in homeostasis, otherwise it will die. It is a given that the body needs to breathe, eat, drink, and stay within a certain temperature or we will not have our body anymore. Some of us try to keep these commitments with as much balance as possible. We strive for optimal health--as much as is in our personal control. Others of us barely keep these commitments. We push the body's laws to the limit. We allow quite a bit of imbalance and are only motivated to obey the laws by adverse results. Most of us keep our commitments somewhere in between those two extremes (#BellCurve). That choice has been given to each of us.
Optimally caring for any of our privileges is difficult. Slacking on our commitment keeping is easy to do. But as we all know there are different consequences for these choices. Most of us swing like a pendulum to some degree between optimal commitment keeping and mediocre commitment keeping (I know I do). We each choose just how committed we will be to our commitments.
Take a few minutes to reflect on your commitments and goals.
What are your Commitments?
- How much time does each take per day/week/month?
- How much time in a day do you have? When do you wake up? When do you go to sleep?
- What time do you do each of your commitments?
What is your new Goal?
- How much time will it take per day/week/month to work on obtaining it?
- How much time will it take to maintain this privilege once you obtain it?
- Do you have that much time, given your present commitments?
- What time of the day/week/month will you work on your goal?
“For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it? Lest haply, after he hath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him, Saying, This man began to build, and was not able to finish. Or what king, going to make war against another king, sitteth not down first, and consulteth whether he be able with ten thousand to meet him that cometh against him with twenty thousand? Or else, while the other is yet a great way off, he sendeth an ambassage, and desireth conditions of peace.” ~Luke 14:28-32
Sometimes our goal is to become more committed to our present commitments. When we work on this, we increase our balance and self-confidence. There is no better way to obtain real confidence than to develop the ability to keep the commitments for the privileges we are already enjoying.
Sometimes our goal is to add more privileges to the ones we already enjoy. There’s no better way to add excitement, energy, and challenge to our lives than to embark on a Goal Achievement Journey. But if we desire to add more, we need to be able to fit them into our lives. We need to have a space for them. We need to be able to fit them into our budget—time, money, space, etc.
The more we optimally care for our present commitments, the easier it becomes to care for them. It’s kind of like when we first set out to create a good habit, it’s hard, time consuming, energy consuming, and requires much of our focus like a young child learning how to walk. But once the skill is learned, it becomes second nature and we can keep doing it while adding other skills to our repertoire.
Commitment keeping is best done if it is motivated by gratitude. We maintain that gratitude through remembering. For example, over the past ten years I have learned so many new skills that enable me to maintain my balance in the face of adversity much more than I was able to before 2006. My benefactor is Jesus Christ. I am more grateful for his training than I am for anything else I have ever learned! Where I was before, compared to where I am now is like black and white. As he was teaching me through the scriptures, through my prayers, and through personal revelation I remember being astounded by the simplicity yet profoundness of it all. His love completed me. Every new step was an exciting challenge. Before, I could not respect myself because I knew the way I was responding to adversity wasn’t right. After, my faith in Christ increased and I learned how to actually put his teachings into practice. That's when I could feel that I was right ("If thou doest well, thou shalt be accepted." ~Moses 5:23). The contrast between the way I felt before to the way I felt after was remarkable!
For a while this contrast kept the blessings fresh in my mind but now it has been a number of years since the first stark changes. I sometimes forget how it used to be. And that causes me to forget my gratitude for what he did for me. It almost seems like I’ve always been this way. But I haven't! Before it was a kind of hell for me. After it has been a kind of heaven! When I regularly read the journals I’ve kept over the past ten years, I am reminded of this change and the joy comes flooding full force into my soul again as if I were reliving it. And that motivates me to continue keeping the commitments that maintain those precious skills.
Listen: “Me Without You” by TobyMac
Because of the opportunity to develop Debtor/Creditor relationships (see blog post "Ownership: Are We Not All Debtors?") and the agency we've been given to choose WHO we will develop these with, we sometimes choose creditors that turn out to be Survival Creditors (#LoanSharks). Either we made a bad choice to begin with or the relationship changed over time. Sometimes we’re so young when we enter into a Debtor/Creditor relationship that we don’t exactly know what we’re getting into. All of us have established these kinds of relationships with people or substances that are less than perfect. These relationships are the foundations of our bad habits, addictions, or just our less than ideal behaviors.
Listen: "Who To Listen To" by Amy Grant
For example, I developed a Debtor/Creditor relationship with treats when I was young. I learned to rely on treats for comfort or when I got bored. Partially this relationship was formed because of the Joy I experienced with family and friends when we ate them for holidays, vacations, or parties. Those were good times so I associated good times with treats. I also was rewarded with treats both at home and in society. I introduced this Debtor/Creditor relationship to my kids before I knew any better. Most of my family and friends still participate in this tradition. We all like to eat treats and eating them together is even better.
But the issue is that when I eat treats, I am prevented from obtaining my other goals to the level I am satisfied. I discovered about 16 years ago that what I ate affected my emotional balance. I just happen to be very sensitive to imbalanced nutrition. When I eat too many treats, which in my opinion is not a lot, my ability to maintain my emotional balance in the face of everyday conflict decreases. I have noticed this same trend in my kids but it doesn’t seem to bother them as much as it does me. For whatever reason, I do not like this shift in loss of control. My spirit doesn’t like it much. And so when I lose my emotional balance to the degree that I cannot respond to conflict well, I feel a loss of the Spirit. I can’t tolerate that forfeiture. So it turns out that this happy tradition of eating treats is a Survival Creditor for me.
The actual person behind this "happy tradition" is kind of hidden. All we can see is the tradition, unwritten law, custom, practice, ritual, or way of doing things. We could say the Survival Creditor is the store where I purchase the treats or the ingredients to make them. But I think the store is innocent. Yes, they offer treats but they also offer a lot of balanced nutrition. My own agency in how I will use this Creditor seems to be a major player. All I can see of the hidden Survival Creditor is the traditions of not only my family but our entire society. Nutritionists call it “the American diet.” A common practice of our society in which we rejoice together is to eat lots of food together. So here are the rules of this Debtor/Creditor relationship: If you want to have Joy with us, get together with us and eat lots of food. If you want to have greater Joy, get together with us more often and eat more food (but you should also be in great shape too so...).
This is just my example. Not everyone is so sensitive. But I speak of it because everyone has some kind of Debtor/Creditor relationship they are in that they want to get out of because it conflicts with a better Debtor/Creditor relationship that they want to get into. Good, better, best applies here. It’s not like the treats are the worst thing in the world. They’re not. But what is better? That’s what I have determined I personally value more.
The better Debtor/Creditor relationship that I want to get into has different rules for obtaining what I want, which is Sustainable Joy. I value Sustainable Joy more than I value what treats, family, friends, holidays, and vacations have to offer. It gives me the capability to stand steadfast in the face of adversity—even when it gets pretty tough.
“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” ~John 14:27
"If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love. These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full." ~John 15:10-11
In this relationship, the Creditor is obvious to me—the Lord, Jesus Christ. His rules are to fast from treats and the over-consumption of any substance or material item. He would have me eat what my body needs for health and purchase whatever I need to live temporally but not to go to these things for my spiritual peace and energy. When I follow these rules, my ability to sense the Spirit increases. Sacrifice increases our sensitivity. It makes it so the smallest things become so valuable! It is the very best state I have ever lived in! I prefer it there because it is so intense, I can maintain my balance, and my progression in my Goal Achievement Journey is maximized.
Listen: "Can't Take It In" Imogen Heap --The Chronicles of Narnia
"But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him." ~1 Corinthians 2:9
That means I need to break up with the Treat Debtor/Creditor and work hard to establish my sacrifice relationship with the Lord. Both these actions need to occur. Separation from one Debtor/Creditor and combination with another. If I tried to separate from one without combining with the other, I would go back to the first. That’s because I’ve developed a dependency on the first and it has been a long-term relationship. We have a lot of history together and those are the hardest kinds of relationships to break up with. It is so hard because it means I also have to separate myself from the people I love in my family and community to a certain degree for two reasons. 1. My not partaking makes them feel guilty and think I’m a party pooper. 2. I am seriously tempted when I need to be with them. It is painful when everyone else is eating treats and I’m not. Sometimes I’m in a major hard place in my training with the Lord so I don’t feel his Peace as readily as usual. Enter treats. Increase in adversity. I’d rather stay home from the party.
Listen: "Starts With Goodbye" by Carrie Underwood
Bottom line: Both good and bad habits are created from Debtor/Creditor relationships. If we have a bad habit we want to break, we need to identify the Survival Creditor—whether it’s a person or a societal tradition. We need to break up with that Survival Creditor at the same time as entering into a new or closer relationship with a Paradoxical Creditor (#JesusChrist).
Confidence 
The more we keep our commitments the more sure our Confidence becomes. And when our Creditor sees how steadfast we are in keeping our commitments, he values our Word. Our Word is the certainty of our promise to do something. When we say we will do something, when we commit to it, others know we will do it because we have demonstrated that fact over and over again in our past actions. Our Credit History is based upon this principle. It is a record of how well we have done keeping the commitments we have entered into. Creditors who we petition for financial assistance to buy a house, a car, or anything can view our Credit History to assess whether or not it is safe to enter into a financial relationship with us.
Empathy 
Our most general desire is to experience Sustainable Joy. That's why we embark on any Goal Achievement Journey. We believe that once we achieve this goal, we will have greater and more sustainable Joy in our lives. We experience Joy when Peace and Energy are balanced and flowing inside of us. We experience Peace when we receive what we desire from others and Energy when we’re able to give others what they desire. Take for example the following scenario: A husband is on his way home from work and is super hungry. When he gets home he sees his spouse has prepared one of his favorite meals. He then experiences Peace. The entire sacrifice in selecting that particular meal, preparing it, and having it ready at just the right time carries an Energy from his wife that fills him with Peace.
