Hope

I think the best way to describe Hope is to describe what it isn't.  We can have a Desire that is more like a Demand.  We think we're entitled to it or that it is our right to have it.  This kind of Desire is like forcing someone else to give us what we want or at least having that attitude about it.  

But on the other hand, we could also have very little Desire.  Instead of Hope, we have hopelessness and apathy.  We don't really think it's possible to obtain our Desire.  We may think about it but only in a dreamy way and say, "If only..."

Hope is about setting goals to obtain something that we have the faith that we can actually obtain.  Not alone.  Not because we can work way hard to obtain it but because we work together with our Cause to obtain it.  We believe he will help us as we help ourselves.  It's not all about Grace and no Works but neither is it about all Works and no Grace.  It is the balance between them.

Listen:  "Not Alone" by Red 

When we have Hope, we have communicated with our Cause and made a deal with him.  Promises are made.  We sense our Cause's promise and he senses ours.  We've entered into a commitment relationship with him that we will do all we can do for our part and rely on him to do his part for the rest.  We commit to actually being trained in the Inherent Process to obtain our Desire instead of sacrificing in a Willy-Nilly way and expecting that after we do that we are entitled to receive it.

Listen:  "The Promise" by When In Rome

So Hope is not the absence of passion, drive, and single-mindedness that sometimes may be mistaken for Demand.  It includes all those things.  It is not the absence of faith in a power greater than our own to assist us that may seem miraculous, like something out of a dream or a fantasy.  Some may mistake that for a type of dreamy apathy.  But when we have Hope we believe in miracles that enable us to obtain our Desire.

"For with God nothing shall be impossible." ~Luke 1:37

"Be still and know that I am God." ~Psalms 46:10 

With some Desires, we may not be able to muster enough Hope for them.  The reason may be that we can't believe we can really obtain something no matter how hard we try.  Or the reason may be that it's something we don't really need, meaning it's not that important or it's not expedient.  Like, let's say my Desire is to move a mountain just to see if I can do it.  That's whimsical if there's no real purpose or benefit for me or for humanity.  But for other Desires, even though they may seem out of this world, we may actually have real Hope.  Maybe what we want has never been done before but we sense that it is possible.  Paying attention to that sense of Hope enables us to know what is possible and what isn't.  Thus if we have formed a Desire that we have Hope for, we can know that it is obtainable if we just keep going, trust in our Cause, and endure to the end.

For more on this topic, see blog post: "I Wish..." and the book "Drawing on the Powers of Heaven" by Grant Von Harrison.

When We're Feeling Worthless

"I am not important to anyone."  

"Who I am, what I have the ability to do, what I was designed to be is of no value to anyone else."

Feelings of worthlessness get to all of us at some point or another in our lives.  Others may respond to this conflict by putting us down.  When I felt bad about myself when I was little someone used to sing me the worm song: “Nobody likes me.  Everybody hates me.  Might as well go eat worms...”  This was intended to resolve my conflict by making me feel ashamed about feeling lonely and worthless so I would then stop it.  Not a good resolution process.  Those who use it are ignorant about this specific issue and/or are full of pride, and certainly are not empathetic.  Does shaming a person who already feels bad about herself help?  No.  If we're taught to resolve this conflict in this manner when young, we will learn to entertain shame thoughts when we are feeling worthless.  This will put us into the Belly of the Whale, a place from which it is very difficult to escape.

Valuable
The fact of the matter is that we do need to be valuable to someone.  We can’t smother that need.  I believe God designed us to be that way.  What does it mean to be of value if not to be of value to someone else, to our family, and to our community?  For what reason do we exist other than to be of service to our God and our fellow men and to allow them to be of service to us in turn?  Is this not what love is?  So if we are feeling worthless, we may be depending upon people who indeed don’t care about the gifts we have to offer.  And that feels awful.  We’re not alone in this conflict.  The best of the best have been disregarded, left alone, and treated as naught.

“He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.” ~Isaiah 53:3-4

After giving everything he had to reclaim the house of Israel so they might remember their God with whom they had covenanted and stop sitting on fences between him and the idols of the world, and showing them miracles that verified God's power over these idols, Elijah was still rejected, ignored, and cast out.  Feelings of worthlessness engulfed him in the following verses.  "But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and he requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers.  And he came thither unto a cave, and lodged there; and, behold, the word of the Lord came to him, and he said unto him, What doest thou here, Elijah? And he said, I have been very jealous for the Lord God of hosts: for the children of Israel have forsaken thy covenant, thrown down thine altars, and slain thy prophets with the sword; and I, even I only, am left; and they seek my life, to take it away." ~Elijah in 1 Kings 19:4, 9-10
 
“For the things which some men esteem to be of great worth, both to the body and soul, others set at naught and trample under their feet. Yea, even the very God of Israel do men trample under their feet; I say, trample under their feet but I would speak in other words—they set him at naught, and hearken not to the voice of his counsels.” ~1 Nephi 19:7

This is why we need the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  Our Savior values us even if others do not.  He knows who we are.  He knows our gifts and our talents.  If we look to him for validation, he uses us as an instrument in his hands and we will feel our value more than we could in any other way.  But still, the hope is that we will value each other.  That's what relationships are all about--valuing and empathizing with each other.  That's where joy comes from.  That's what we live for.  Developing these kinds of relationships here on earth is one of the key reasons for being here.  We are sent to give our gifts, offer our talents, help one another to grow and develop in order to prepare to meet God (Alma 34:32).

Watch Ourselves and Our Thoughts
“But this much I can tell you, that if ye do not watch yourselves, and your thoughts, and your words, and your deeds, and observe the commandments of God, and continue in the faith of what ye have heard concerning the coming of our Lord, even unto the end of your lives, ye must perish. And now, O man, remember, and perish not.” ~Mosiah 4:30  

It is also possible that we could allow ourselves to descend too often into thoughts of worthlessness just to feel sorry for ourselves and/or for others to feel sorry for us.  This is another type of resolution process.  And it also does not prove to be very effective in the long run.  If we yield to this temptation all the time, we actually take the empathy others offer us in vain.  Empathy is mercy.  Taking empathy and mercy in vain is taking the Lord’s name in vain. 

“Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.” ~Mosiah 13:15
 His name is love, charity, empathy, mercy.  It is meant to sustain us through difficult times when we can’t get out of the pit we’re in despite how very hard we are trying.  When we throw ourselves into the pit without doing what is within our power to avoid it and end up over-relying on that empathy, we’re kind of taking advantage of it in a not so good way.  Mercy is meant to contain adversity to a more manageable level so we can learn and grow from it.  We don’t just want to lie down and die when it hits us.

“[Then Jesus was taken up into the holy city, and the Spirit setteth him on the pinnacle of the temple, And the devil came unto him and said], If thou be the Son of God, cast thyself down: for it is written, He shall give his angels charge concerning thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone. Jesus said unto him, It is written again, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God.” ~Matthew 4:5-7  (Brackets JST)

So we see it always takes two.  The Cause of this conflict and its perpetuation can come from our own choices or from others—how they treat us.  Usually the case is that it comes from both.  It's up to each one of us to determine how much to rely on mercy and how much we can contribute to saving ourselves and others.  It's a team effort.  Because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ we don’t have to be subject to the negligent evaluations and ingratitude of others.  Other people have their choice.  But so do we. We’re never left alone.  We have our Savior who needs and wants us.  We are valuable to him.  And he is valuable to us.  I think that's what love, mercy, and value are all about.

Listen:  "Not Alone" by Red 

Balancing Strengths and Weaknesses

Sometimes I would like to change one of my weaknesses into a strength, but because I have another dominant strength that competes with it, which I highly value, I have a hard time being able to accomplish this task.

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." ~Ether 12:27

"Those who engage in self-congratulation over a supposed strength have lost the protection of humility and are vulnerable to Satan’s using that strength to produce their downfall. In contrast, if we are humble and teachable, hearkening to the commandments of God, the counsel of his leaders, and the promptings of his Spirit, we can be guided in how to use our spiritual gifts, our accomplishments, and all of our other strengths for righteousness. And we can be guided in how to avoid Satan’s efforts to use our strengths to cause our downfall." ~"Our Strengths Can Become our Downfall" by Elder Dallin H. Oaks 

Let’s say I desire to develop the ability to verbally express my thoughts and feelings in an objective, reasonable way but because I usually rely on emotions, body language, facial expressions, and my general demeanor to serve as my means of communicating what I need and how I feel, it may not be easy to make this change.

Analyzing the spiritual strength of non-verbal communication and my motives for relying so heavily upon it enables me to let go of any inappropriate use of it so I can develop the ability to effectively communicate with others without making myself overly vulnerable or crossing their boundaries.

From what I can see, the purpose behind my use of non-verbal communication is to convince, convert, and persuade another individual to think like I do and feel what I am feeling.  In essence, my goal is for them to empathize with me.  I want them to agree with me.  "Agree with thine adversary quickly whiles thou art in the way with him" (Matthew 5:25-26).  Perhaps our Savior meant for us to empathize with others when we found ourselves with conflicting points of view.  But if I use too much emotion and explanation to elicit empathy from the person I’m talking to, I’m actually being more manipulative than communicative. 

What does it matter if someone else doesn’t agree with me?  If they can’t understand me, what do I care?  Well, this is where I need to analyze my motives. Maybe I care because I want something from them or I’m relying on their opinion to validate my choices.  If I want something from them or rely on everyone and their dog to validate my choices, then yes, I’m going to want to manipulate others by pleading my case before them to elicit as much heart-felt sympathy from them as I can.  Well, I don’t want to do that.  I’m afraid I have done it to a certain extent.  So let’s analyze the reason I would want to use this form of persuasive communication.

I myself am not much moved by objective historical facts.  But when I read a historical fiction book, the author wins my entire heart.  I love to empathize with the characters in the story, walk through their trials with them, imagine how they would feel in their specific circumstances, cry with them, and rejoice with them.  I would say that is a huge part of who I am.  And so it follows, that when I explain things, I love to tell the story behind it.  I like to explain the doubt in the beginning, the emotional turmoil throughout the hard times, and the surge of triumph in the end.  When I explain myself, my actions, what’s wrong with me, or what’s right with me to a trusted friend, I like to use body language, facial expressions, and tones of voice.  When I write, I like to use images, music, scriptures, talks, or books that describe and connect with the point I'm making.  I love to tell about all the details and get behind all the internal reasoning. 

If my goal is to help another person and be empathetic to their own situation, then I am convinced this form of communication is a total strength. Music is a prime example of empathetic storytelling. We listen to it and feel peace because someone else has felt the same way we have. What a relief! We’re normal! Sometimes a true friend will even let us tell our whole story, emotions and all, just so we can sort it out. We may not be looking for their empathy and most likely are not looking for them to solve the problem for us but just being able to slow things down and talk it out is a way we can start to work it out ourselves. Finding an empathetic ear in a friend actually assists with this process.

But let’s say we need to communicate with someone with whom we are in conflict or someone we don’t know very well like a police officer, the insurance company, a judge of some sort, a home owner's association, or even a medical professional.  In these situations it may be best to have the skill to objectively and summarily explain the situation.  We can keep ourselves objective by just explaining the key facts of the situation.  We can even describe the emotions or physical feelings in short order without reenacting them.  We don’t need to worry if they believe us or not.  They can choose.  In fact if we don’t come across manipulative, they will probably be more inclined to believe us.  When we do this we demonstrate through our actions that we respect the other person’s boundaries and their right to choose.  We honor their time and their agency.  If we're in doubt of our own story, position, or opinion, we don’t want to try to get others to believe us to reassure us.  That’s not going to solve our insecurity.  We need to go home, study it all out, work it out with our God and/or a trusted friend, hear his opinion on the matter, be sensitive to the confirmation of the Holy Ghost, and then decide whether we need to hold to our position or change it.  Our goal is to be honest, have integrity, and stand for truth and mercy.  That’s all we have to worry about.

So as I was working on these two forms of communication today, I saw very clearly that I had more of a strength in spiritual, emotional, non-verbal communication rather than objective plain facts communication.  It made me laugh because I could see how the Lord saw me.  I knew he understood me but now I'm suddenly seeing him understanding me and understanding him a little better.  I could sense he wasn’t condemning me.  He doesn't do that.  This strength, which is more abundantly found in women, is something he highly admires, values, and needs in his kingdom.  But because I also admire his predominant way of communication I have this desire to balance my strength with his.  So instead of being motivated by shame to curb my dominant strength, I am motivated by admiration and appreciation.  How can he be so beautiful?  I imagine a Man who respects our agency so much that he gives us the commandments objectively, tells us the way that it is, shows us the way that it is, and then lets us make our choices.  We can choose to get behind the reasoning and empathize with our God or not.  I happen to do that a lot because I absolutely love what I find.  But it’s so interesting to me that God does not force us to know who he is.  He allows us to choose how well we come to know him.

Last Thoughts.
I also know that Jesus Christ went through all that he did in order to obtain the greatest ability to empathize with all of us.  In a sense he objectively and subjectively communicated through his life and sacrifice the most intense degree of non-verbal, way-that-it-is communication.  He felt all that there was to feel and with no regard to his personal feelings (even though he had them more powerfully than any of us could imagine) obeyed the Father’s will, showing us all the way to deal with it.  The atoning power is a product of the marriage between non-verbal and objective communication.  I suppose that’s a good way of describing what mercy is.  It’s the balance.  It’s meeting in the middle between two extremes.  So even while he doesn’t force us to empathize with him, he stretched himself so far so that whenever we need his empathy, it is voluntarily there.