Friday, March 21, 2014

Real or Pseudo: Which do you Choose?

When life gets tough we have a choice:  Turn to a Pseudo Savior or a Real Savior.  We don’t have the choice of whether we will turn to a Savior or not.  We must.  We do.  Our choice is:  What kind of Savior will we choose?

In the course of our lives we all will be completely stressed out OR bored out of our minds in relationships with those who are closest to us.  That is the way it is.  There are Conflicts in relationships.  They are real, very painful, and very scary.

It’s at these times when that choice arises:  Do we rely on a Pseudo Savior to get us through it?  Or do we turn our hearts to a Real Savior to both get us through it and help us resolve it?

Pseudo Savior
A Pseudo Savior is a Cause who offers Pseudo Effects when the going gets tough.  A Pseudo Effect is something that brings fast, temporary relief from our troubles BUT ends us in increased Sorrow over time.  It doesn’t resolve our initial Conflict.  It only makes it worse.

Behind every Effect there is a Cause.  We can associate with a Cause directly or indirectly through his products and services.  Even though he is not physically present, his products and services retain an Effect.  When we consume them or use them, we experience this Effect.

A Pseudo Savior is someone who is motivated by Survival of the Fittest Living.  This means that he benefits more than we do in the long run from our relationship with him.  When the going gets tough for us we reach out for help.  A Pseudo Savior takes advantage of our state of vulnerability and offers to calm our troubled heart or excite our bored heart with his Effects.  They are intended to be bait, lures, decoys.  They are a trap by definition because they lock us into the Result of increased Sorrow and Conflict. 

Watch this video about the bait called Maka-Feke that Tongans use to catch an octopus.

Establishing a relationship with a Pseudo Savior, his products, or services is what creates and sustains bad habits or addictions.

A Real Savior
A Real Savior is a Cause who offers Real Effects when the going gets tough.  A Real Effect is something that brings both temporary compensating comfort AND ends us in decreased Sorrow and increased Sustainable Joy over time.  In the end we resolve our Conflicts.  

A Real Savior is someone who is motivated by Paradoxical Living.  This means that we both benefit in the long run.  And his benefit is primarily our happiness and the happiness of those in our relationships, which in a very real sense brings him Joy. When the going gets tough for us and we reach out for help, a Real Savior recognizes that this is a time when we are ready to learn and grow.  He calms our troubled heart with his comforting Effect or excites our bored hearts with his guiding Effects.  His Effects of Peace are intended to be a boon, balm, relief, consolation.  His Effects of Energy are intended to motivate, empower, instruct, guide.  He invites us to enter into a long-term relationship with him so that we might learn how to resolve our Conflicts and become a Real Savior for others.  He’s not interested in one-night-stands.  In this long-term relationship, we are cared for consistently through the ups and downs of our lives.

Watch this video about the relief of a secondary loan that a creditor offers to a young man who has entrapped himself in bad debt.

The Mediator

Establishing a relationship with a Real Savior, his products, or services is what creates and sustains good habits and abilities.

So if we have already been entrapped by a bad habit and odds are that we have been, the good news is that a Real Savior keeps his door open.  The deal is if we will STOP receiving Pseudo Effects from our Conflicting Causes, we will be able to receive his Real Effects again.  We must cut ourselves off from that alternative source of Peace.  We must break up with it.  We must say goodbye to it.

Listen:  Clip from this CD
Inability to absorb nutrients in intestines
When we create bad habits, it numbs us to being able to sense that ORIGINAL JOY that was ours as a child.  We are numbed because we have already established a relationship with a type of Savior.  That place is occupied.  Pseudo Effects mimic Real Effects in a way that can fool us.  If we have forgotten what Real Effects feel like, we may believe that these Pseudo Effects are the Real thing.  But they’re not.  It will take time to re-establish sensitivity in our Effect Sensors to a Real Savior’s Effects. 

A Real Savior has a goal.  He desires each of us to exist in a relationship with another person that results in Sustainable Joy to the level of satisfaction for BOTH members.

In resolving Relationship Conflicts each member has the choice to stay the same or change.  These variables must toggle until the goal has been achieved OR the variables in the relationship must change.

For example, say we have a relationship with a parent who does not want to fulfill the Cause role for us but rather demonstrates through repeated Processes that he/she would rather be our Child.  This parent would rather us sacrifice for him/her instead of the other way around.  So we mentally flip roles and trust in a Real Savior.  We do this because that’s the only way the love will flow.  If we are forced to sacrifice, it will not flow.  Thus we must voluntarily take up the Cause role, which is the Paradoxical parent role.  We CHOOSE to sacrifice for our mom or dad, allowing our Real Savior Cause to be our new parent.  He has our backs, sees what’s going on, won’t let it get out of hand, and compensates us for our sacrifice.  Of course this doesn’t happen all at once.  Our faith has to be tested.  There are many times when we feel like we’re the one loosing.  The purpose of this is so we will grow and become Real ourselves.  But a Real Savior ALWAYS comes through in the end. 

The variables change like this:

Before:  I am the Child but my parent treats me like I'm the Cause.

After:  I am the Cause.  My parent is the Child.  I am the Child of my Real Savior.

I always insert a caution when I talk about swapping these roles.  It is not done in pride.  Being a Cause is the harder role.  It requires more sacrifice.  It means we go last and put our needs behind another’s.  It means being the one who takes the blame or the fall.  We don't make ourselves out to be the martyr either.  We do this with an eye of faith, knowing what it means to bear another’s burdens.  And we do this by turning to our Real Savior with all of our own complaints and bad days.

Very frequently the reason someone isn’t fulfilling his/her true role in a relationship is because s/he has become entrapped in a bad habit by a Pseudo Savior.  When we emulate a Real Savior for that person, the hope is that s/he will change and step up to fulfilling his/her true role.  If on the other hand s/he decides that s/he prefers this new setup—being the one who is served first and the one who doesn’t have to deal with any of our problems—then in the END, the roles will change permanently.  And this is why we need a Savior who trains us to keep our Process as Balanced as possible in Imbalanced situations, who sustains us through these kinds of Sorrows, and who judges our Specific situation righteously and omnisciently.

Bottom Line
We cannot let go of a bad habit unless we sever all ties with the Pseudo Savior AND establish new ties with the Real One.  We have got to have a replacement.  We can’t sweep the house and leave it clean and empty.  It must be filled with a better relationship, with better activities, with better habits.

So which Savior do you choose?

Immediate relief/excitement for a time
He does not require us to change and/or endure to the end in order to achieve the resolution 
Suggests the easy road first and in the Result forces us to eternally be on the hard sacrifice road
Result:  Virulent Sorrow

Immediate Peace/Energy while dealing with our Conflicts
He does require us to change and/or endure to the end in order to achieve the resolution
Requires the hard road first and in the Result we have gained the ability to sacrifice in Joy eternally
Result:  Sustainable Joy