When life gets tough we have a choice: Turn to a Pseudo Savior or a Real Savior. We don’t have the choice of whether we will
turn to a Savior or not. We must. We do.
Our choice is: What kind of
Savior will we choose?
In the course of our lives we all will be completely
stressed out OR bored out of our minds in relationships with those who are
closest to us. That is the way it
is. There are Conflicts in
relationships. They are real, very
painful, and very scary.
It’s at these times when that choice arises: Do we rely on a Pseudo Savior to get us
through it? Or do we turn our hearts to
a Real Savior to both get us through it and help us resolve it?
Pseudo Savior
A Pseudo Savior is a Cause who offers Pseudo Effects when the going gets tough. A Pseudo Effect is something that brings fast, temporary relief from our troubles BUT ends us in increased Sorrow over time. It doesn’t resolve our initial Conflict. It only makes it worse.
Behind every Effect there is a Cause. We can associate with a Cause directly or
indirectly through his products and services.
Even though he is not physically present, his products and services
retain an Effect. When we consume them
or use them, we experience this Effect.
A Pseudo Savior is someone who is motivated by Survival of
the Fittest Living. This means that he
benefits more than we do in the long run from our relationship with him. When the going gets tough for us we reach out
for help. A Pseudo Savior takes
advantage of our state of vulnerability and offers to calm our troubled heart
or excite our bored heart with his Effects.
They are intended to be bait, lures, decoys. They are a trap by definition because they
lock us into the Result of increased Sorrow and Conflict.
Watch this video about the bait called Maka-Feke that Tongans use to catch an octopus.
Establishing a relationship with a Pseudo Savior, his products,
or services is what creates and sustains bad habits or addictions.
A Real Savior
Watch this video about the relief of a secondary loan that a
creditor offers to a young man who has entrapped himself in bad debt.
The Mediator
The Mediator
Establishing a relationship with a Real Savior, his
products, or services is what creates and sustains good habits and abilities.
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In resolving Relationship Conflicts each member has the
choice to stay the same or change. These
variables must toggle until the goal has been achieved OR the variables in the
relationship must change.
For example, say we have a relationship with a parent who
does not want to fulfill the Cause role for us but rather demonstrates through
repeated Processes that he/she would rather be our Child. This parent would rather us sacrifice for
him/her instead of the other way around.
So we mentally flip roles and trust in a Real Savior. We do this because that’s the only way the
love will flow. If we are forced to
sacrifice, it will not flow. Thus we
must voluntarily take up the Cause role, which is the Paradoxical parent role. We CHOOSE to sacrifice for our mom
or dad, allowing our Real Savior Cause to be our new parent. He has our backs, sees what’s going on, won’t
let it get out of hand, and compensates us for our sacrifice. Of course this doesn’t happen all at
once. Our faith has to be tested. There are many times when we feel like we’re
the one loosing. The purpose of this is
so we will grow and become Real ourselves.
But a Real Savior ALWAYS comes through in the end.
Listen: "Losing" by Tenth Avenue North
The variables change like this:
Before: I am the
Child but my parent treats me like I'm the Cause.
After: I am the
Cause. My parent is the Child. I am the Child of my Real Savior.
I always insert a caution when I talk about swapping these
roles. It is not done in pride. Being a Cause is the harder role. It requires more sacrifice. It means we go last and put our needs behind
another’s. It means being the one who takes the blame or the fall. We don't make ourselves out to be the martyr either. We do this with an eye of faith, knowing
what it means to bear another’s burdens.
And we do this by turning to our Real Savior with all of our own
complaints and bad days.
Very frequently the reason someone isn’t fulfilling his/her
true role in a relationship is because s/he has become entrapped in a bad habit
by a Pseudo Savior. When we emulate a
Real Savior for that person, the hope is that s/he will change and step up to
fulfilling his/her true role. If on the
other hand s/he decides that s/he prefers this new setup—being the one who is
served first and the one who doesn’t have to deal with any of our problems—then
in the END, the roles will change permanently. And this is why we need a Savior who trains
us to keep our Process as Balanced as possible in Imbalanced situations, who
sustains us through these kinds of Sorrows, and who judges our Specific
situation righteously and omnisciently.
Bottom Line
We cannot let go of a bad habit unless we sever all ties
with the Pseudo Savior AND establish new ties with the Real One. We have got to have a replacement. We can’t sweep the house and leave it clean
and empty. It must be filled with a
better relationship, with better activities, with better habits.
Read: Matthew 12:43-45
So which Savior do you choose?
Pseudo
Immediate relief/excitement for a time
He does not require us to change and/or endure to the end in order to achieve the resolution
He does not require us to change and/or endure to the end in order to achieve the resolution
Suggests the easy road first and in the Result forces us to
eternally be on the hard sacrifice road
Result: Virulent Sorrow
Real
Immediate Peace/Energy while dealing with our Conflicts
He does require us to change and/or endure to the end in order to achieve the resolution
He does require us to change and/or endure to the end in order to achieve the resolution
Requires the hard road first and in the Result we have
gained the ability to sacrifice in Joy eternally
Result: Sustainable Joy
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